December 27, 2007
December 25, 2007
My brother and his girlfriend spent the day with us and we had a delicious dinner and everyone had the warm fuzzies. Until he went to go home and found that the rear window on his brand new car that he's only had for 2 months---the first brand new car of his 31 years, had been shot out by some jerkoff kid who got a bb gun for Chrimmas. Seriously? If I see a kid in my neighborhood with a bb gun I am totally unleashing Uma on him. Then I will follow him home start kicking over shrubberies until his stupid parents reimburse us for the glass. Ok, none of that is true, but I would maybe have a grown-up talk with the stupid parents.
My dad passed away on Christmas Eve-Eve when I was 14. That New Year's, my friend Kristen insisted I come to her Uncle Frank & Aunt Sandy's NYE Party. It was kind of great. Just after midnight, everyone ate grapes and that was supposed to mean good luck or something in the new year. After the grapes, there were the homemade sausage & lettuce sandwiches on crusty rolls. The sausage sandwiches were frickin' awesome. Every year after that, until Kristen's grandmom died, whatever New Years party (the ones with booze & stuff) we were at, after the ball dropped, we would pile into a car (with a responsible driver, natch) and zip over to her grandmom's house for a sausage sandwich. We would stand there in her kitchen, kinda drunk, while Kristen's dad told us inappropriate jokes.
That's it, the end. No epiphany. Grapes & sausage sandwiches.
December 19, 2007
All the bigwigs gathered round in plastic aprons and served us quite a lovely holiday lunch. The president of the company gave me my ham slices and my boss tried to douse my plate in gravy, but I said "no, no, no." There was even a DJ spinnin' the chrimmastime hits. It kind of reminded me of that time they served Thanksgiving dinner at Rogers Hall. When we ate by candlelight. That was nice.
December 13, 2007
December 12, 2007
It stinks having writer’s block and artist’s block. The sad thing is I’m not at any loss for events, they’re there - back to back all things ranging from fun, to morose, to fantastic, to tedium.
What I have been doing alot of is: watching Spongebob marathons with LJ, slogging through powerpoints, arguing over whether to use plastic or sticker name badges, and explaining to my mom the difference between voicemails and the answering machine - and using my remaining smart power left to read GOSSIP BLOGS. Which btw, are neither informative or lately even funny.
How much Britney can one take? And how many ways to conjugate the word V*gina? Does the paparazzi find ANYone other than David Beckham to be attractive? And why so many crotch shots, arm-pit stains, and hair extension photographs --- what an un-noble job..following people around taking pictures of sweat.
This entry is going nowhere -- but I’m a little calmer now after seeing Boobney’s pink wig out on the town for the hundredth time.
Send me that time warp art G, I think I’m ready to go back.
December 10, 2007
December 7, 2007
November 29, 2007
I had an idea while sitting in traffic this evening, for a recurring* feature here at OEF. The iPod was doing it's thing, playing some straight up hits. "Video" by Ben Folds Five, "Try a Little Tenderness" by Otis Redding, and the inspiration for this feature, "Patience" by Guns n' Roses.
Everyone associates certain songs with certain things. I am not unique in that respect, I understand. But when I heard "Patience", I felt whisked away from crappy traffic through what I'll call a "Musical Wormhole" to my particular memory association for this song, and it made me smile.
It was some perfect spring day---before what resort townies call "the season" and I was at work at the waterpark, which my friend John's family owned, prepping to open for the year.
John and I were taking a break from whatever we were doing, sitting on a picnic table eating circus peanuts, watching his dad about 40 yards away trying his best to get a power-washer going. We weren't talking because the local rock station was pumping through the park's sound system at full blast, and it was an all-request lunch.
So "Patience" comes on. And as we sat there through the song, chewing on our circus peanuts, John's dad's frustration with said power-washer was building. It just wouldn't turn over. When the song was over, and John's dad's cursing and threats could finally be heard, John paused from his circus peanut to shout, "Just need a little Patience, dad" in the most armchair-quarterbacky way possible. And before his dad could unleash unholy verbal hell in his direction (that we could hear anyway), the next semi-classic rock song saved the day.
It's not an especially interesting story, I know. But it was a perfect moment, and sometimes it's nice to just revel in the good stuff. The waterpark was good stuff. It's still the best job I've ever had.
Even on the crappiest day at work there---when it was 97 degrees and 100% humidity and I had a dreaded summer cold, with mucus coming OUT OF MY EYES and no voice, and I was stuck in the locker booth for 6 hours because it was a casino picnic day and we ran out of lockers and I had to run a side "baggage claim" operation---explaining it all over again to every single person that came up to the counter (still with no voice), and getting yelled at for yelling at them (cos I had no voice)---it was still better than my best day at any other job.
Ok, maybe except that time I got to meet Peter Frampton. That was kind of awesome.
*Not necessarily recurring. Will probably never revisit this feature. See: Every other "regular feature" I've started here.
November 21, 2007
November 20, 2007
In between dashing around the island the other night, we stopped to admire this new sign they put up on the boardwalk by the new convention center. Those beach balls are solid concrete, and are a whimsical version of those barricade things they have at the end of the driveway to the White House.
There have been lots of changes in my hometown in the last 10 years, and there are a lot of streets I don't recognize that I once knew like the back of my hand. This sign didn't replace anything, so liking it doesn't have to be bittersweet. If I had any sort of determination/ambition I'd take some pictures of the things that are left on the island that I love (double entendre intended)...maybe one day.
November 15, 2007
It feels like a gazillion miles away from any spot on campus, and with the crappy parking situation I was walking everywhere. All the time. The shuttle took forever and I couldn't find a seat hardly ever, so I only rode that like twice.
In terms of changes between my time there and what's happened since, it seems a little drastic. All the older ODU buildings are in shades of gray and blue -- while all the new buildings on the other end are bright brick (with fountains!). Powhatan needs a paint job like nobody's business. After all it was built in 1978 (nearly but not quite 30 years ago!) The Powhatan buildings all have names below them now - instead of the I-building - it's called Diamondstein and Hofheimer and other rich highly education names like that.
Having lived in a wide array of spaces in my life I can say that P-town was not THAT bad. Would I live there again? Probably no. I like having a sofa that doesn't look like I stole it from a waiting room at a hospital. And I like my bed that I can roll over in 3 times.
November 13, 2007
After avoiding ODU for a long time, the school I was mad at because it became even MORE awesome after I left - (and mad because I had all these big ideas and hope.) I decided that for the next couple of weeks I was going on a nostalgia tour for those of you who also haven’t been back in awhile. It’s time to revisit the old..and see what’s been going on since. You know you wanna......
Here’s some Rogers Hall places and why I’m fond of them - feel free to comment!
(Click on them to make them larger, also was having a font problem with my “i’s”.)
October 27, 2007
I meant to write something about the whole Ellen dog adoption ridiculousness, and my thoughts on the subject as animal adoption has been quite prevalent in my life lately. But, as usual, I never got around to it until it was too late and/or I didn't care about it anymore. Plus, I heard somewhere that Ellen may have adopted & discarded up to 9 dogs or something in recent years, which is just batshit crazy.
I got a flu shot the other day, and am feeling the effects now. I hate the sniffles, but at least it gave me something to pass the time earlier tonight as I watched the movie "We Own the Night"---my sister is big on Joaquin. This movie was terrible. A terrible movie with good actors in it and Eva Mendes, who is not a good actor. This movie was like "The Departed" (in that Mark Wahlberg was in both), but for people with head injuries. It was just baffling, really. It was set in 1988, probably the least interesting time in American history. And the music was all wrong. Lots of Blondie & Clash which was totally inappropriate for 1988. I did see a preview for "No Country for Old Men", which looks kinda badass, so that's something.
October 8, 2007
September 12, 2007
Anyways. The post is from somebody who found an "ad" in the "Strictly Platonic" section. I'll re-post the original ad here..... I sincerely hope it is a joke. If not, this may be why the original poster finds himself/herself friendless. Yeeowza! Even if it is a joke, still the person took all this time to write out a huge list with pretentious references......wait a minute....in or around DC, pretentious, hmmm......maybe I already know this person!
Well now. On to the ad (in block quote formation, since it is basically a huge quote)!
I’m definitely not just looking for any random 20-something with free time -- hence the following screening questions. No right answers and you don’t have to have an answer for every question. That said, common ground is kind of the point. Please, don’t bother writing if you can’t answer any.
Also don’t bother if you’re just looking for sex; you smoke or use drugs (sorry!); you can’t occasionally and completely separate yourself from your SO and your children (mentally and physically). Social liberals only. Ages 21-30, please.
Anyone still reading? Amazing! On to the questions.
1. What is your favorite Stephin Merritt project? Kathleen Hanna? Spencer Krug?
2. Who is your favorite living artist?
3. Meat is murder. True or false?
4. Alternately, Meat is Murder or The Queen Is Dead?
5. Your favorite book EVER?
6. What is the last album you bought (or downloaded)?
7. Mr. Darcy or Mr. Thornton?
8. What’s the last live show you saw?
9. What are you going to be for Halloween?
10. Audrey Hepburn or Katherine Hepburn?
11. Have Okkervil River completely and irrevocably gone the way of Bright Eyes?
12. What is your favorite Wong Kar Wai film?
13. What is the last thing you made with your hands?
14. Dame Darcy vs. Melora Creager.
15. What have you read in the last month (or two)?
16. Amuse me with Tom Waits quotations.
17. Captain Jack Sparrow or the Dread Pirate Roberts?
18. Who is your favorite feminist?
19. What does the term “fandom” mean to you?
20. Did you recognize my post title? DID YOU?
21. Name a few favorite record labels.
22. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?
23. Abishek Bachchan vs. Saif Ali Khan.
24. Mix tapes or mix CDs?
25. The Blow are playing the Black Cat in October -- how excited are you?
Send me your answers, I’ll send you mine, and we’ll go from there.
Wow. I love craigslist!
So here's why -
1. My phone service doesn't support them yet and I kinda LOVE my service. I'd be a better rep than the "Can-You-Hear-Me Now" Guy.
2. It's expensive. Even after a rebate, it's still expensive. I can think of 50 other things to spend that kind of money on.
3. I have a computer with high speed internet on a fairly large screen (which i pay for too). I can see all things large, live, and most of the time with relatively litte connectivity problems. Anytime I access my mobile web on my current cell, I have to wait for 30 minutes.
4. I own an ipod. It's less than a year old - and it stores up to 10,000 songs. Some people don't need that kind of storage, but I do. I think I was a dj in another life. I will never own or purchase enough music. It plays TV shows already and movies and podcasts and it's everything I need it to be. I've got it in a nice sports case so it will withstand running, the elements, and whatever ipod torture I can come up with for the next year or so.
5. It's operated on a touch screen. And much like kids at the daycare center I spend all day dealing with germs, dirty keypad, dirty restroom door, greasy chicken leg, sticky chocolate bar, sweaty palm -- you name it. I have no desire to put all that crap all over my iphone (despite reg. handwashing) and then smoosh that thing against my face. Yes, I know about bluetooth - but it looks dumb to put in bluetooth and hold cell phone in front of you as if you were examining space rocks on Mars.
6. It's a phone. My pink razr is pretty cool and I'm loving the blue LG.
As for the rebate, I'm glad S.J. apologized. He knew that phone shouldn't have been that much. But if you actually break it down, you are buying a phone and and ipod smooshed together. 150 phone + 350 ipod = do the math. You are getting exactly what you pay for.
So there it is peeps. Now let me know why I should buy an iphone....Call my Razr. If you like. :)
September 10, 2007
So most everyday throughout the summer I’ve been having headaches. Bad ones. Since this hasn’t been a stellar work summer I thought they were stress related. Pop a motrin and rock on, right? Wrong. Last week and two motrins ago, I poured myself a glass of ice cold / fiery hot tooth pain. You know that scene in “Cast Away” where Tom Hanks finds himself at odds with a figure skate? Well that was me, except with a Chuck Taylor considering beating my head until I fell unconscious.
My new dentist has a head rotating xray machine that shows all your teeth in 3d in Photoshop right in front of her. She clicks a few buttons and bam - the cavity shows up with a detailed map of how far down it goes and bada bing: A map of your busted tooth appears. This maybe me being old, but I would have loved to have that thing when I was a child. Instead I was strapped to a dental chair with an umbrella like structure in my mouth for what seemed like hours. Left to drool and stare off into space and dream of a place where candy eating did NOT result in metallic substances in your mouth. The new technology (while more costly) means I’ll be fast asleep when whatever happens to my teeth happens.
As fate would have it, a third hidden wisdom tooth which laid dormant (I had two out 2 years ago.) decided to make it’s cameo appearance this summer. And that was causing all the trouble. Wisdom tooth three has to come out to fix the pained Molar 14.
My appointment is still more than 30 days away, so I am resolved to eat everything on the right side of my mouth and drink only hot tea. Candy of any sort will be disastrous and painful, so friends if you see me venturing towards the candy dish, smack it away. Molar 14 thanks you.
September 7, 2007
Since it’s tradition to introduce new pets on OEF (and sometimes announce their passing :( - I thought I’d show off my new fish Dorian. I know it’s not a cat or a dog, but he’s energetic, always a good listener, and never wastes a bite of his crushed sea pellets. He’s low maintenance and clean, and speaks toddler very well as he always swims up to the glass when kids are smooshing their faces against his dwelling.
His best friend is P.L.P aka Plastic Lilly Pad, or Lilly for short.
His eye is always out for a compatible lady fish whose habits should include: hiding behind the cove, hiding behind the cove, and hiding behind the cove. (He’s not real good at cohabitation.)
So ladie betas, if you’re tired of the “shelf” life at Wal-mart - swing by Dorians.
August 30, 2007
I think I'll do a top ten good and a top ten bad things about my Disney vacation, instead of a boring write up. Plus I have no pictures as of yet, so I can supplement any re-telling.
TOP TEN THINGS I DIDN'T LIKE ABOUT DISNEY AND/OR PEOPLE AT DISNEY:
1. The pointy little edge on the tv above the seat in the Disney shuttle from the airport. Because it looks really painful when you hit your head on it. Somebody's got a permanent Disney souvenir, and it's not a tattoo!
2. The mug they sell you at your resort, leading you to believe you can refill it anywhere at Disney, but in all actuality it only works at your resort's soda machine. And the soda machines are not even available 24 hours a day. C'mon if 7-11 can have 24-hour machines, can't you too Disney? It is pretty thirsty out when you drag your ass back from Magic Kingdom at 1 am!
3. Disney scans your fingerprints at the entrance of each park. I guess so you can't lend somebody else your room key (which doubles as your park ticket) because Disney would hate to lose even one entrance fee. Seriously, are they that hard up for money? Jeez. I don't want them having my fingerprints on file!
4. Employees who try to be funny. I asked a Disney guy at the safari ride how long it lasts, and he said "Two weeks." "No, really," I said, "how long is it?" He answered "Two weeks" again, but I guess he noticed my blank stare because then he said "Two weeks, but if you get a good driver, it feels like 20 minutes." Well, haha, asshole, I have reservations that I'd like to get to so I need to know how long the damn safari is. It's all in the delivery, mister, and yours sucks. Also, employees who don't deviate from the script, even just a little. Hee, boat ride lady, you are funny, but the joke you just told? The guy on the boat in front of you just told the same one, word for word. Only it was funnier when he said it.
5. We asked a couple of ladies in the lobby at our resort an excusable question about the United States Postal Service. We were greeted with a sympathetic look and a condescending, "Oh, are you from another country?" Well, actually, cruise line bitch lady, two of us are from another country and it is offensive that you feel sorry for us for that reason.
6. Disney is overwhelming. It can turn the best person into a Vacation Nazi. With all there is to do and see, and not enough hours in the day, somebody has to plan out the routes and the rides and wake everybody up at the butt crack of dawn. This person will be the least popular person of the group, but only until the plane touches back down in your hometown.
7. Having your own Vacation Nazi is bad enough, but when you run into another group's Vacation Nazi, it is even worse. Some asshole lady from New York hassled us in "line" for a ride called Soarin' at Epcot for not participating in a stupid game aimed at distracting guests from the fact that they are in a bull pen space, with no real discernible line mechanism, and plenty of hot smelly people with BO and gas. That same asshole lady, who was about 6 people behind us in "line" somehow ended up 10 people of ahead of us. I was glad to be rid of her, but alas, she wasn't far up enough for me to miss hearing her complain to a Disney employee about what? Well, people skipping her in line. WHA??? Lady, take a look at yourself, you big fat line skipper. You completely skipped us and that nice British family that were in town for 2 weeks. Bitch. Also? She told her daughter "don't fuck with me" and that she would break her teeth. In front of all of us.
8. People don't listen to simple instructions, and Disney employees don't explain why you are not supposed to do something. They just expect you to obey. On that same ride, Soarin', which is meant to make you feel like you are hang-gliding (a feat accomplished by seats that rise way up in the air in front of a huuuuge movie screen that shows scenery like the Golden Gate Bridge and other stuff. Nice!), an announcement was made that no flash photography was allowed, but that obviously was meant for the rest of us, not for the asshole a few rows down taking pictures with his flash. Well, that sort of ruins the ride. Maybe if the disembodied voice had explained the effects on the ride, or threatened to shut down the ride, the guy would have listened. I hope your pictures are all black, you jerk.
9. The other British family we encountered. They gave the waiter (he was our waiter too) a really hard time at the 50's Prime Time Cafe. This is supposed to be like a mom's kitchen from the 50's, complete with good table manners and old-school decor. It is a fun place, but the Britishersons kind of messed it up.
The family wanted all these substitutions for their kids' meals, like macaroni with no cheese, only butter. But a little bit of cheese on the side please, otherwise it will be too dry, thank you very much (this was after he brought it out with no cheese, as requested). Now, this probably doesn't sound too hard, but (a) they were on the same dining plan as us and there are rules for those, and (b) I imagine that with the huge amount of people they must feed in one day, a lot of the meals are prepackaged. But the thing that was most irritating, was the dad said to the waiter "I thought this was Americar, where you could get whatever you wanted." Well, dad, this isn't America, it's DISNEY. This all took the wind out of Big Brother Charley's (our waiter) sails, and after that he didn't have the strength to tell us to take our elbows off the table, or threaten us with Dad's presence.
10. I made all our dinner reservations ahead of time (back in June) during my small case of Vacation Nazism. In my defense, I just wanted to make sure we got to eat at good restaurants, as they book up quickly! I received confirmation numbers for all the restaurants, as well as for the two birthday cakes I ordered, for two separate days, to celebrate the aging of one of the members of our group. Well, the night we were supposed to eat in Japan (at Epcot) we wandered all around looking for our restaurant. It was nowhere to be found! After inquiring, we found out that they had been closed and anticipated a reopening, but for whatever reason didn't quite make it. But they didn't call to let me know! And the worst part is that they called the day before I left for vacation to verify my birthday cake order. What the hell? Call a person, let them know that you don't even exist right now. Luckily the super nice people in France (I know right!) let us eat at their place. And they brought out a delicious piece of cake for the birthday boy. I wasn't too upset because I knew I ordered another cake for the next night.
The next night, at the 50's Prime Time Cafe, when I checked in with the hostess, I told her "We should have a birthday cake for our table," which she confirmed with a quick nod of her head. I ran down to the store to get a camera to take pictures of the cake we would have. When I got back, I had to try to find our table. When I got there, Big Brother Charley lectured me for being late to dinner. Told you it was a fun place! Well after dessert ( you automatically get dessert as part of the plan) I mentioned to Big Brother Charley that we were supposed to also have a birthday cake. He went back and checked and couldn't find one! The manager came out and was all nervous like I was going to freak out on him, and told me that they didn't have one for us. I said "No problem, not your fault," but I was upset. Seriously! What is the point of confirmation numbers, when nothing is being confirmed?? Kudos to Big Brother Charley for scrambling to find a Disney birthday card in the back and having some of the waitstaff sign it. He also forced the remaining diners to join in a rousing rendition of Happy Birthday. It did help some. Thanks BBC!
Whew. I'm too tired to go into what I liked. I'll post that later.
August 29, 2007
So my job ate my life this month. Let me tell you, it’s good to emerge triumphant from a 3 week epic project. The good news is that it is DONE for better or worse. The bad news is that I have seemingly lost 90 percent of August 2007 and about 7 hours of my 29th Birthday. I hated to be a grouchifus about it, but the fact is I’ve waited for at least 5 years to have a Saturday birthday and as the fates would have it. I spent it working. Not that I dislike overtime, but I view work a little like the TV show Big Brother. Sure it can be fun at times, and sure there can be some nice people - but you have to play it like Janelle and remember that you are there to get the prize. You are there to get that money!! On the flipside of this, my “superiors” seem extremely grateful and are carrying on as if a small village has been saved through powerpoint. To think, so many people go to church, and the power lies in a microsoft office product all along. Who knew?
HR sent out a memo about how joining Weight Watchers (women)/Nutrisystem (men) could save us all on our health insurance and how there is also a walking “club” discount - that’s all good in theory, but the execution here is murderous considering we are in the center of an island of fast food. I can smell the McGriddle getting out of my car, and taste the Ruby Tuesdays salad bar on my bad days at lunch.
So as G stated in a mid-day conversation - “I haven’t talked to you since you were 28!”
So I’ll recap. August was a good month, I sorta came up with a successful Virgo Birthday Shakedown (my friends brought their friends) and I provided the email which was the concept. Party organizing is not my forte, but if you tell people they DON’T have to come, then they usually show up. Go figure. The first time I’ve been in a room with at least 5 other Virgos. People should make a point to hang out with similiar zodiac signs on occasion, it’s like hanging out with 5 you’s.
I went home to find Covington on fire. (hahahahaha Covington’s on fire) -- No seriously my hometown had a 20 mile brush fire of sorts. Perhaps the funniest aspect of it - is that the helicopters appeared to be dropping tiny buckets of water on it. And -- other than a road sign saying the mountain was on fire - it was business as usual. Brush fires in Cali seem disastrous, but in VA - no worries. Weirdness. Just run to 7-11, hook yourself up with 1-Liter Deer Park and you are a fire fighter.
My cousin moved here from our home town in the boonies. I’m hoping to get her into lots of trouble with NOFO shenanigans.
I seen two concerts this month, the Dropkick Murphy’s (never heard of them before) and the Format both awesome DKM’s was the first concert were I actually wound up bleeding and with a stretched nearly torn shirt. The Format Lead singer seemed a little moodier than some of the other groups that’s been through. He was well, sorta mean to a guy that was just jonesing for a particular song. I have to admit I agreed with the heckler, just sing the damn song! Encores stink! Just do your set and sing MY favorite! Especially if we’ve had to stand through 3 or 4 craptastic opening bands and not all of are us 12. Even though I like newer groups, I may start specifically avoiding them til they are bandwagon material - although, I thought TV on the Radio was a pretty old group and their audience was all 12 year olds too. Harumph.
I got some Freelance jobs this month that are fun and gleeming with potential - I guess my big gripes with those consist of the clients using the words “organic” and moving in the “right direction” which is sorta a sideways snipe, because the way I see it, if you give me NO direction --- the right direction sounds a little like you are complaining. I hate when clients use “organic” to describe design (or anything for that matter). “I want this to be organic” or “I want this to have an organic feel.” I have two thoughts at the moment that word is uttered. One: You want your design like rotting garden vegetables. Two: You want this to appear “living” as opposed to the other dead designs I’ve worked on in the past. Just say I like it or ......that’s not the look I was going for. I’m a big girl now.
So there’s 3 days left in the month, in which I must visit the DMV (ARGH), design a tattoo for my mom, and make some sorta lasting decision on the labor day holiday, as well as clean Dorian’s fish tank ( I have a beta fish again), and try to help my cousin give away faux Rottie puppies. Sigh Nana, took a tour of the wrong side of the tracks. Dammit Nana.
Happy September All!
August 19, 2007
August 8, 2007
I think this officially makes me a catblogger, but I am trying to ease back into this whole deal.
A friend of mine works with a woman who does animal rescue, and they had a surplus of adorable kittehs, so I brought this guy home for an audition.
My sister is frontin' like he can't stay, as he is incredibly tiny, and fears that he may be crushed under the feets of the beastly 80 lb. dog. Who, by the by, believes this kitteh to be her baby.
So, for now, I've got him holed up in my bedroom, and I'm lackadaisically trying to find a home for him. Because my science books tell me that he will get bigger. I hope I can hold my heartless sister off til then. For now I will continue to give him a bazillion kisses on his fat little belly, wash him in the bathroom sink with the baby-wash I got from the Pediatrics unit at the hospital, and add to the long list of potential names. So far I like Carmine the best. Any suggestions?
July 27, 2007
My 401k people send me a bi weekly pamphlet on how my retirement earings will look 20-30 years from now. The most recent and menacing attempt to get me to invest more featured (a strangely psychic) turkey sandwich (which I had actually had for lunch that day) and a feature about it's current cost vs. it's cost -- in say 2030. It's estimated with a 3% inflation a year that the average American Lunch..now clocking in at $7.32 will be around $14.97 by the time OEF's humble readers are in their mid-life crisis.
I can remember when $4 could get you lunch, and that was NOT that long ago.
July 26, 2007
I was already having a bad week at my job. And then ......this.
The best way to react to someone stealing your purse on the beach is probably not by twirling about in one place like Jennifer Love Hewett in “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” It’s probably also not a good idea to pull hair yelling “my money, my money” in frantic moanful tones. It’s definitley reached a critical mass when you sorta slump into a pile of goo on the sand and wait for the ocean to rinse your cardless, phone-less, key-less, cash-less lump out to sea.
So last Thursday, me, my mom, my aunt, Tiesha and LJ -- headed out to the beach for some walkin, some beach hot dogs (which taste like iguana) and to enjoy my mom’s sweet view from the hotel room 423 at the illustrious HoJo. I had to work the entire day, so I leave directly from my job, pick up friend and son and speed off to the ocean front to meet the fam. Feeling strangely angry from long day of work (and not being able to get off work early) I opt to not change out of work clothes and instead just grab a pair of flip flops and roll with it. We get down to the beach and in the two minutes it took me to change from regular shoes to flops, my purse gets stolen.
This to add to my list of things I wish I had the foresight to have avoided like say: the ride up to Barnes and Nobles last Memorial day where the drunk driver totalled my rental car, the garden hose in Clifton, where right before I went across I decided to run in a full-on race-track sprint, the few moments where I went home and someone stole all my cds, the midnight “frisking” I got when returning from an impromptu Birthday dinner and now I give you ocean-front thievery where I sit down my shoulder bag for two minutes, and look back to find nothing.
I am fortunate though, the VA Beach PD searched every trash can on the beach and sometime around midnight in a port-a-potty off 19th street, they found my bag with cards, keys, and phones included. However, a considerable amount of cash and watch lighter.
I guess what bothers me the most (outside the actual theft) about the whole situation is that your identity depends on 3 things: license, social security card, and birth certificate. If any combination of the triad falls into enemy hands - it can become extremely difficult to prove you are you. So friends, I advise you to have some sorta sheet with all your numbers (and photocopies), saved somewhere safe (preferably/possibly locked).
The VA Beach Police slightly restored my faith in the law enforcement agencies that evening. The police seem to believe that the volume of people calling the cell phones (both mine and T’s) at 8:30 might have scared the thieves into stealing just the cash and tossing the rest. They actually “looked” for my purse and recovered it. Which I damn near thought was gone forever. So special thanks to them. I was really hoping they would CSI my purse and get fingerprints, but unfortunately the cost of the procedure was more than what I lost. I guess there would have had to have been blood or the Hope Diamond in it to merit that kind of attention.
Carry exactly what you need. No more, no less. I’m going back to the beach in a few weeks, with the same bag, to the same spot.. except this time I may load that purse up with a few different things. Any ideas? Wink.
July 10, 2007
I was going to write some long blog about the past month, but I thought I'd show some pictures instead.
I know, I know - flickr.
Anyways the past month I've: went to D.C., went to class reunion, went to the zoo, went to Harborfest, and had two mini vacations - one of which resulted in my new flower garden! But the best part is that my flowers have somehow survived my black thumb of death and the scourge of 100+ degree temperatures. Go flowers! Next project is converting my weed garden (aka) my ENTIRE backyard to actual green grass. Wish me luck!
June 29, 2007
Once a year the OEF team requires a month-long hiatus from the blog.. Last year it was July - August..this year May to June.
It's not that there's nothing interesting going on, it's that there's ALOT going on. More OEF shenanigans soon, I promisssssss..
May 30, 2007
I read this article today about how chicken fingers/nuggets have become the scourge of the average american kid diet.
It reminded me of being eight years old and hating vegetable soup so much. My mom wouldn't let me leave the table until I ate my whole bowl. I distinctly remember, as the 7 o'clock hour crept past, frequently excusing myself to the bathroom with fist-fulls of soup to flush down the toilet.
Also on the enemies list were (and still are, natch) beef stew, anything slathered in gravy, the classic frozen peas n' carrots mix, cooked carrots in general, mushrooms, onions, and brown potatoes.
I hate cooked carrots, but at least I know why. Without struggle, there is no progress & all that.
May 23, 2007
From what I understand they're just pictures of cats with silly or absurd captions alluding to the cats' (or other animals) intentions or desires with amusing misspellings.
Good for a larf.
I Can Has Cheezburger?
(Links ganked from the Wikipedia entry on LOLcats.)
Um, let's see. The village idiot falls in love with Lindsay, I mean Rachel, and wants to marry her after she gives him a BJ. He makes her go with him to tell his girlfriend, which wastes at least ten minutes of the movie. Wow, we get it, Lindsay, I mean Rachel, is hot stuff.
So Lindsay, I mean Rachel, gets into a fight with a 12 year old boy, who gets a boner while rolling around with her in the grass. Pointless part of the movie, unless it is supposed to show just how hot Lindsay, I mean Rachel, is supposed to be. Like it takes much for a 12 year old boy.
Also, Lindsay, I mean Rachel, is dressed in the ugliest clothes they could find, like denim booty shorts rolled up and white patent leather platform sandals. And tight, low cut tank tops. Is this girl from Sunset Blvd. or San Francisco? Again, we get it (pounded into our heads), Lindsay, I mean Rachel, is the hottest thing to hit Idaho since, well, the sun.
She likes poetry, which I guess is supposed to soften her character, but that is lame, lame, lame.
All of a sudden, the plot-that-never-was thickens! Lindsay, I mean Rachel, in a kind of battle- of-who-has-the-saddest-life with the town doctor (he lost his wife and son in a car accident) blurts out that her stepfather(played by Cary Elwes; let's call him Wesley, shall we?) started sleeping with her at the age of 12. Tough call on the winner of that battle.
The rest of the movie pretty much consists of the village idiot, the doctor, the senile gramma, and drunken momma trying to figure out if she was lying about the whole thing. I guess we were supposed to be figuring it out as well, but I didn't care. I knew we would be force-fed the truth eventually.
(Oh yeah, there is a tiny subplot about how Lindsay, I mean Rachel, was supposed to go to Vassar, but she fucked-up the paperwork. Big surprise. Even bigger surprise: Lindsay, I mean Rachel, who has been a druggie (she smoked crank, according to momma) and a general loser since the age 14, would be accepted into Vasser, who by their own account, is "very selective." Biggest surprise of all: that she would be accepted last minute; don't they have a wait list at that school?)
We meet the Ferrari-driving stepfather, who of course denies the whole thing. Oh yeah, gramma decides it would be best for Lindsay, I mean Rachel, to stay at the doctor's apartment. She tries to sneak into his bed and have sex with him. I think it was just an excuse to dress her in lingerie. At this point, I'm not sure if they are trying to convince us that she views everything as sexual because she was abused, or if we are supposed to sympathize with her step-Wesley, like maybe she came onto him, like she seems to come on to everybody, from the village idiot to the town doctor. I wouldn't think that about a 12 year old, but some people might.
Then Lindsay, I mean Rachel, tells momma that she was lying, secretly blackmails Wesley with the threat that a friend had hid in her closet and videotaped him and that if her mom ever finds out the truth she will take him to court for $10 million, and then sends momma on back to San Fran with Wes. Hubbinawah??? She wants her mom's happiness over justice? Seems kind of gross to let your mom live with a child molester, but that's not for me to say.
On the way home, momma asks where Wes's beloved Ferrari is. He offhandedly tells her that he left it in Idaho and that L, I mean R, can have it. This leads to momma's realization that L, I mean R, was telling the truth. She gets out, Wes yells at her that L, I mean R, came onto him (gross!) and that they will never be able to prove anything, and momma starts walking back toward Idaho.
All of a sudden, the village idiot's truck pulls up, carrying said idiot, senile gramma, the doctor, and L, I mean R; except they made her sit in the truck bed with the village idiot's much smarter dog, which I think is hilarious. She jumps out and runs to her momma, throwing her arms around her.
The end. I don't recommend this movie.
Well, look at that. The review ended up being long anyways.
May 20, 2007
Whatever your outdoor adventure of choice is, you can never be sure just what's waiting for you around the corner. Soo check out this funny video. I'm just waiting to run through one of these.
May 15, 2007
Not for nothing, but I can't help but not be the least bit sad over the passing of Jerry Falwell.
That guy was a dick. Here's hoping he's on that big waterslide to hell.
May 11, 2007
May 7, 2007
So for the past two weeks at my job I've been making penguins left and right. I've drawn over 50, but some of them weren't cute enough to make the work cut. They looked a little sad. You'd be sad to if you were drafted into the military, when you were supposed to be dancing and eating fish all day! So, here's the undrafted penguins for no other reason than I spent alot of time on them and I figured they deserved their celebrity as much as the others!
May 5, 2007
Example: Lady at job wears prom dresses to work sometimes. In my mind, I'm thinking - is that taffeta? Are those sequins? Maybe, possibly someone should say something. That's the TRUTH voice speaking. But the other voice says - this person is nice, confident, and works well. How would lowering her self esteem benefit her in anyway? How would I feel if someone felt my attire was inappropriate? (Especially given the tight parameters we are stuck in anyways.) So - no truth, no harm.
I'm not saying go out and blatantly lie - but maybe sometimes selective withholding maybe a better course of action than letting all the info out into the open all the time.
April 27, 2007
April 24, 2007
So imagine my joy when I watched this jewel on Conan the other night.
Iphone - it's everything.
April 23, 2007
I felt mildly ashamed/silly today after I ate half a cookie left on my desk. It had an attached sticky note that said "what do you think??" Sooooo - I wrongly assumed that it was a cookie for the eating, when it was actually a 20 dollar collector's cookie I was to scan.
I suddenly know how dogs feel when they chew through owners slippers.
In my world, cookies are for eating. Not collecting!
April 22, 2007
- My cousin when asked about her poor car cleaning habits.
An amoral wipe just sounds so naughty. I'm thinking she probably meant to say armoral.
April 12, 2007
Seriously, what is wrong with her? How could it have been 84 and 82 last Monday and Tuesday respectively, and then not get out of the 50's for the following 8 days? And it is not supposed to go above 62 for the rest of this week or next, with plenty of temperatures in the 40's between now and then. And what is with all the freakin' rain? We aren't going to have any May flowers with all this stupid cold weather, so the April showers can just fuck right off.
Are we pissing her off or something, my god! I'm so over this, I don't think I can take another winter. I hope this summer is 95 degrees everyday here.
Anybody care to join me in Hawaii or Tahiti? We can find jobs as waitresses or maids in the huge resort hotels, like in Blue Crush. Not that I have seen that movie or anything. Really. I've just heard about it from people. Or something. Someone other than me.
March 29, 2007
The latest on the terrible actress/kind-of-a-bimbo frontline: "I think I kind of look like a boy. I mean, not my body, obviously." -- Scarlett Johansson
Knees (and elbows).
Because I take them for granted, they love to remind me of their existence by ramming themselves into the bracket that holds my new workstation together. Eeeeouch! Also a favorite pasttime, ramming themselves into the useless keyboard tray under my desk. I can honestly say I've never used this keyboard tray thing, which sticks out about a half inch from the desk, but computer services won't get rid of it.
Sometimes my elbows get into the spirit as well, ramming themselves on the edge of my desk. But I've stopped this problem by raising my chair all the way up. This is good for my knees as it brings me ever closer to the keyboard tray.
Driving. At all. Anywhere in Northern Virginia.
Why just today, on my way to work, I had a large truck try to come in my lane when I was right beside it (I guess I was too small for him to see from Such Great Heights), a clunker almost pull out in front of me from a parking lot, a car pull out in front of me from a merge lane going, oh, I don't know, 15 MPH to my 40 MPH (silly me, doing a little thing call obeying the law and driving at the speed limit) driven by somebody on a very important cell phone call, and I encountered somebody riding on a little scooter that couldn't go faster than 35 MPH, also in a 40 MPH zone. I swear, people are out of their ever-loving minds when it comes to driving.
People who roll their eyes all the time and pretend to be so bored with life.
My new coworker excels at this. He is always pretending its the end of the world when we have a slow day (or week). As if he doesn't spend every minute loudly typing his memoirs or whatever, work or no work. He's fresh out of college, you'd think he'd be at least thankful to have a steady paycheck and health benefits.
And finally, cleaning crews that come in while you are working and insist that you hold the presses (sort of literally for us in the Publishing Business) and get out of your chair so they can clean around your workspace.
There, bitchfest over. Now I can get back to waiting for work to trickle in so I can go home sometime tonight.
You can't see me, but I'm rolling my eyes and am so bored with life.
March 28, 2007
I especially like the "just a band" part. And the part about coke products. And every other part.
Some people are just nice!
March 25, 2007
March 23, 2007
My office has a "business/casual/formal" dress code in place year round. Which in a nutshell means - no jeans, no khakis, no cotton?? (wtf) and no capris. This was drafted during the late 80's during which corporate america had to go to war with biker shorts, spandex stirrups, and arsenals of neon bangles and hair accessories. Not to mention shoulder pads, animal print, and coolocs ( no idea how to spell that). Given that today's high climbed up to 86 it was no suprise to get to my desk to find this email in my mailbox.
"Ladies, in order to offer additional comfort, we “seasonally” suspend the Business Casual dress code to allow all who wish not to wear pantyhose or socks. The period of time that this is allowed is from Memorial Day to Labor Day. I am disappointed to see quite a few gals instituting this privilege now and not waiting until Memorial Day which is May 28th. Should it be necessary, please review the Company Dress Code which is always posted on our bulletin boards."
I don't like panty hose, but I will wear them if the event, fashion dictates it. Given that the planet is heating up year by year - is it unreasonable for the law to be broken slighty ahead of Memorial day? Norfolk has no true seasons, just a modge podge of mixed temperatures varying wildly week to week. Why should the new millenium ladies be punished for the sins of the 80's?
So next week, me and a few rebels are casting panty hose to the wind and heading off to work. Wish me luck humble OEF readers. If you can wear jeans - shout hell yeah into the night!
and check out this video from HBO's 6 Feet Under ------
March 19, 2007
My shell color is pale because I'm super-pale because its winter. My eyebrows are bushy because they need to be waxed (Yes I get my eyebrows waxed. Its the one luxury I indulge in) and my sunglasses, which resemble those I had to wear after Lasik, hide (well mostly hide) the bags under my eyes, cause I'm tired! I'm yawning, also cause I'm tired. My hair is wavy cause that's how I want it to be in real life, and the color was inspired by the time in high school when I dyed it red with Manic Panic. My gloves are tan like the ones I borrowed from G's roomate one year and "forgot" to give back. I still have 'em! My slippers are symbolic of the yellow duck slippers I used to have that would quack when you squeezed an ear on the left one (even though these are bunnies). And finally, the tiki cup is because the weather is getting warmer (well it was when I first made my M&M, that's how long this project took me) and I'm ready to go out and have fun.
My Leslie's shell is brown because she was so tan when I saw her last summer. Her hair is in a ponytail because she is about to go running. This also accounts for her ipod ear buds and her cool green running shoes. I'm not sure what her real running shoes look like, but at any rate, the character creator kind of sucks anyway, so you are limited in what you can do. Her gloves are gray because of the sketching she has been doing in pencil, and her face is that of when she was the victim of boob-gropping at the NOFX show last year.
My Carol Ann's shell is hot pink in remembrance of our favorite color for the SAC movie flyers we used to post all over Powhatan. Her hair is blue and short like the wig she wore one Halloween that provided hours of fun even after Halloween was way over. Her foot is in a cast because of the terrible accident in BAL that involved Kevin Turner's longboard. Her facial expression is that of having taken a sip of Pepsi and savoring its fizzy yumminess, and the purse is because she always has a new cute purse whenever I see her.
March 16, 2007
March 14, 2007
My Carol Ann - Her shell color is purple, because most likely if I'm doing anything creative for CA she'll request that purple be a featured color. The facial expression is the face I imagine she makes when she says pff...or mer...Usually an expression of disdain when I have said something totally nonsensical or colorless. You'll notice she is wearing American Eagle boots - a constant fashion accessory throughout college that on several occassions I fancied I would steal. These boots were special in that they had fantastic rubber bottoms that were comfy as well as extremely cute. She's carrying a Timbuktu bag in brown another Gardlerian staple throughout the years.
My Hench - Hench is yellow because that's her favorite color. I imagined Hench to be squinting too, because of Lasik, however since my Hench drives alot she needs to keep one eye fully open and aware at all times. She's also saying "doooode" for all of you that can't lip read. Hench's foot attire is also a throwback to these awesome Pumas that she wore throughout school. I think they were brown or burgundy. She's carrying a cell phone because she has two, and one of them is NOT flip phone. She needs this phone to call ME when she gets to Norfolk. I put a hat on her because I always think when I see Hench she'd look cool wearing a knit hat like the coffee drinkers at Starbucks wear.
My Me: My favorite color is blue and the color reminds me of my old imac. I'm wearing one of those beanies because I'm an artist of sorts and this reminds me of those French impressionist painters. One of my hands is in a cast because I fall alot and find new ways to injure myself. My face is tired but happy and I try to show my teeth when I smile. I made my eyebrows blonde and slim because I always worry they will become so light they'll be non visible. My converse shoes are my favorite, and I try to sneak the purple ones into as many outfits as possible. I'm wearing the belt Larry got me for X-Mas because it was very expensive and I must wear it all the time because of that.
All hair choices were limited - So I just went with the closest looking style to said character.
This WAS fun.