August 30, 2007

Disney. Vacation?

I want to blog about my Disney "vacation," I really do. But just the thought of it is tiring, almost as tiring as the actual "vacation." I'm using quote marks because I've always thought of a vacation as something relaxing. But Disney is not relaxing at all. I knew going to the parks wouldn't be relaxing, but I didn't realize that there wouldn't be any time for non-park stuff, except for during the what little sleep I got. But I guess with 5 parks, 2 water parks, and the 2 Universal Studio parks, and and only 9 days in Florida, well I should have known. I got to swim one time in the pretty little pool outside our "lodge." Yeah, it was at 1 am, but I still got to swim! And it had that National Lampoon's feeling to it, only Chevy Chase and Christie Brinkley were nowhere to be found.

I think I'll do a top ten good and a top ten bad things about my Disney vacation, instead of a boring write up. Plus I have no pictures as of yet, so I can supplement any re-telling.


1. The pointy little edge on the tv above the seat in the Disney shuttle from the airport. Because it looks really painful when you hit your head on it. Somebody's got a permanent Disney souvenir, and it's not a tattoo!

2. The mug they sell you at your resort, leading you to believe you can refill it anywhere at Disney, but in all actuality it only works at your resort's soda machine. And the soda machines are not even available 24 hours a day. C'mon if 7-11 can have 24-hour machines, can't you too Disney? It is pretty thirsty out when you drag your ass back from Magic Kingdom at 1 am!

3. Disney scans your fingerprints at the entrance of each park. I guess so you can't lend somebody else your room key (which doubles as your park ticket) because Disney would hate to lose even one entrance fee. Seriously, are they that hard up for money? Jeez. I don't want them having my fingerprints on file!

4. Employees who try to be funny. I asked a Disney guy at the safari ride how long it lasts, and he said "Two weeks." "No, really," I said, "how long is it?" He answered "Two weeks" again, but I guess he noticed my blank stare because then he said "Two weeks, but if you get a good driver, it feels like 20 minutes." Well, haha, asshole, I have reservations that I'd like to get to so I need to know how long the damn safari is. It's all in the delivery, mister, and yours sucks. Also, employees who don't deviate from the script, even just a little. Hee, boat ride lady, you are funny, but the joke you just told? The guy on the boat in front of you just told the same one, word for word. Only it was funnier when he said it.

5. We asked a couple of ladies in the lobby at our resort an excusable question about the United States Postal Service. We were greeted with a sympathetic look and a condescending, "Oh, are you from another country?" Well, actually, cruise line bitch lady, two of us are from another country and it is offensive that you feel sorry for us for that reason.

6. Disney is overwhelming. It can turn the best person into a Vacation Nazi. With all there is to do and see, and not enough hours in the day, somebody has to plan out the routes and the rides and wake everybody up at the butt crack of dawn. This person will be the least popular person of the group, but only until the plane touches back down in your hometown.

7. Having your own Vacation Nazi is bad enough, but when you run into another group's Vacation Nazi, it is even worse. Some asshole lady from New York hassled us in "line" for a ride called Soarin' at Epcot for not participating in a stupid game aimed at distracting guests from the fact that they are in a bull pen space, with no real discernible line mechanism, and plenty of hot smelly people with BO and gas. That same asshole lady, who was about 6 people behind us in "line" somehow ended up 10 people of ahead of us. I was glad to be rid of her, but alas, she wasn't far up enough for me to miss hearing her complain to a Disney employee about what? Well, people skipping her in line. WHA??? Lady, take a look at yourself, you big fat line skipper. You completely skipped us and that nice British family that were in town for 2 weeks. Bitch. Also? She told her daughter "don't fuck with me" and that she would break her teeth. In front of all of us.

8. People don't listen to simple instructions, and Disney employees don't explain why you are not supposed to do something. They just expect you to obey. On that same ride, Soarin', which is meant to make you feel like you are hang-gliding (a feat accomplished by seats that rise way up in the air in front of a huuuuge movie screen that shows scenery like the Golden Gate Bridge and other stuff. Nice!), an announcement was made that no flash photography was allowed, but that obviously was meant for the rest of us, not for the asshole a few rows down taking pictures with his flash. Well, that sort of ruins the ride. Maybe if the disembodied voice had explained the effects on the ride, or threatened to shut down the ride, the guy would have listened. I hope your pictures are all black, you jerk.

9. The other British family we encountered. They gave the waiter (he was our waiter too) a really hard time at the 50's Prime Time Cafe. This is supposed to be like a mom's kitchen from the 50's, complete with good table manners and old-school decor. It is a fun place, but the Britishersons kind of messed it up.

The family wanted all these substitutions for their kids' meals, like macaroni with no cheese, only butter. But a little bit of cheese on the side please, otherwise it will be too dry, thank you very much (this was after he brought it out with no cheese, as requested). Now, this probably doesn't sound too hard, but (a) they were on the same dining plan as us and there are rules for those, and (b) I imagine that with the huge amount of people they must feed in one day, a lot of the meals are prepackaged. But the thing that was most irritating, was the dad said to the waiter "I thought this was Americar, where you could get whatever you wanted." Well, dad, this isn't America, it's DISNEY. This all took the wind out of Big Brother Charley's (our waiter) sails, and after that he didn't have the strength to tell us to take our elbows off the table, or threaten us with Dad's presence.

10. I made all our dinner reservations ahead of time (back in June) during my small case of Vacation Nazism. In my defense, I just wanted to make sure we got to eat at good restaurants, as they book up quickly! I received confirmation numbers for all the restaurants, as well as for the two birthday cakes I ordered, for two separate days, to celebrate the aging of one of the members of our group. Well, the night we were supposed to eat in Japan (at Epcot) we wandered all around looking for our restaurant. It was nowhere to be found! After inquiring, we found out that they had been closed and anticipated a reopening, but for whatever reason didn't quite make it. But they didn't call to let me know! And the worst part is that they called the day before I left for vacation to verify my birthday cake order. What the hell? Call a person, let them know that you don't even exist right now. Luckily the super nice people in France (I know right!) let us eat at their place. And they brought out a delicious piece of cake for the birthday boy. I wasn't too upset because I knew I ordered another cake for the next night.

The next night, at the 50's Prime Time Cafe, when I checked in with the hostess, I told her "We should have a birthday cake for our table," which she confirmed with a quick nod of her head. I ran down to the store to get a camera to take pictures of the cake we would have. When I got back, I had to try to find our table. When I got there, Big Brother Charley lectured me for being late to dinner. Told you it was a fun place! Well after dessert ( you automatically get dessert as part of the plan) I mentioned to Big Brother Charley that we were supposed to also have a birthday cake. He went back and checked and couldn't find one! The manager came out and was all nervous like I was going to freak out on him, and told me that they didn't have one for us. I said "No problem, not your fault," but I was upset. Seriously! What is the point of confirmation numbers, when nothing is being confirmed?? Kudos to Big Brother Charley for scrambling to find a Disney birthday card in the back and having some of the waitstaff sign it. He also forced the remaining diners to join in a rousing rendition of Happy Birthday. It did help some. Thanks BBC!

Whew. I'm too tired to go into what I liked. I'll post that later.

August 29, 2007

August Soap Box

So my job ate my life this month. Let me tell you, it’s good to emerge triumphant from a 3 week epic project. The good news is that it is DONE for better or worse. The bad news is that I have seemingly lost 90 percent of August 2007 and about 7 hours of my 29th Birthday. I hated to be a grouchifus about it, but the fact is I’ve waited for at least 5 years to have a Saturday birthday and as the fates would have it. I spent it working. Not that I dislike overtime, but I view work a little like the TV show Big Brother. Sure it can be fun at times, and sure there can be some nice people - but you have to play it like Janelle and remember that you are there to get the prize. You are there to get that money!! On the flipside of this, my “superiors” seem extremely grateful and are carrying on as if a small village has been saved through powerpoint. To think, so many people go to church, and the power lies in a microsoft office product all along. Who knew?

HR sent out a memo about how joining Weight Watchers (women)/Nutrisystem (men) could save us all on our health insurance and how there is also a walking “club” discount - that’s all good in theory, but the execution here is murderous considering we are in the center of an island of fast food. I can smell the McGriddle getting out of my car, and taste the Ruby Tuesdays salad bar on my bad days at lunch.

So as G stated in a mid-day conversation - “I haven’t talked to you since you were 28!”
So I’ll recap. August was a good month, I sorta came up with a successful Virgo Birthday Shakedown (my friends brought their friends) and I provided the email which was the concept. Party organizing is not my forte, but if you tell people they DON’T have to come, then they usually show up. Go figure. The first time I’ve been in a room with at least 5 other Virgos. People should make a point to hang out with similiar zodiac signs on occasion, it’s like hanging out with 5 you’s.

I went home to find Covington on fire. (hahahahaha Covington’s on fire) -- No seriously my hometown had a 20 mile brush fire of sorts. Perhaps the funniest aspect of it - is that the helicopters appeared to be dropping tiny buckets of water on it. And -- other than a road sign saying the mountain was on fire - it was business as usual. Brush fires in Cali seem disastrous, but in VA - no worries. Weirdness. Just run to 7-11, hook yourself up with 1-Liter Deer Park and you are a fire fighter.

My cousin moved here from our home town in the boonies. I’m hoping to get her into lots of trouble with NOFO shenanigans.

I seen two concerts this month, the Dropkick Murphy’s (never heard of them before) and the Format both awesome DKM’s was the first concert were I actually wound up bleeding and with a stretched nearly torn shirt. The Format Lead singer seemed a little moodier than some of the other groups that’s been through. He was well, sorta mean to a guy that was just jonesing for a particular song. I have to admit I agreed with the heckler, just sing the damn song! Encores stink! Just do your set and sing MY favorite! Especially if we’ve had to stand through 3 or 4 craptastic opening bands and not all of are us 12. Even though I like newer groups, I may start specifically avoiding them til they are bandwagon material - although, I thought TV on the Radio was a pretty old group and their audience was all 12 year olds too. Harumph.

I got some Freelance jobs this month that are fun and gleeming with potential - I guess my big gripes with those consist of the clients using the words “organic” and moving in the “right direction” which is sorta a sideways snipe, because the way I see it, if you give me NO direction --- the right direction sounds a little like you are complaining. I hate when clients use “organic” to describe design (or anything for that matter). “I want this to be organic” or “I want this to have an organic feel.” I have two thoughts at the moment that word is uttered. One: You want your design like rotting garden vegetables. Two: You want this to appear “living” as opposed to the other dead designs I’ve worked on in the past. Just say I like it or ......that’s not the look I was going for. I’m a big girl now.

So there’s 3 days left in the month, in which I must visit the DMV (ARGH), design a tattoo for my mom, and make some sorta lasting decision on the labor day holiday, as well as clean Dorian’s fish tank ( I have a beta fish again), and try to help my cousin give away faux Rottie puppies. Sigh Nana, took a tour of the wrong side of the tracks. Dammit Nana.

Happy September All!

August 19, 2007

August 8, 2007

Say hello to my fuzzy friend

I think this officially makes me a catblogger, but I am trying to ease back into this whole deal.

A friend of mine works with a woman who does animal rescue, and they had a surplus of adorable kittehs, so I brought this guy home for an audition.

My sister is frontin' like he can't stay, as he is incredibly tiny, and fears that he may be crushed under the feets of the beastly 80 lb. dog. Who, by the by, believes this kitteh to be her baby.

So, for now, I've got him holed up in my bedroom, and I'm lackadaisically trying to find a home for him. Because my science books tell me that he will get bigger. I hope I can hold my heartless sister off til then. For now I will continue to give him a bazillion kisses on his fat little belly, wash him in the bathroom sink with the baby-wash I got from the Pediatrics unit at the hospital, and add to the long list of potential names. So far I like Carmine the best. Any suggestions?