October 27, 2005

OEF Definitions

As a precursor to OEF's one year anniversary, I decided to put together a helpful dictionary to help outsiders understand the lexicon. Some people have read OEF and are having trouble with the meanings of some of the words. This should clear up any confusion.


Pony: A person who is genuinely of good mind and soul who is ridden around by someone of a more manipulative nature

Judyface: A face made to express and emotion that lies somewhere between contempt and confusion

Banana: An antagonizing clue, left behind to track someone down across the Internet

Internet: a black hole of wasted time, a place where one can get lost looking for Bananas

Rabbit – a pychopath, term coined from “Watership Down” - book in which creatures act in menacing and deadly manner.

Destiny: The person you will marry. 1. Usually located in common everyday place. 2. Seems to take longer amount of time for some people to find.

Turkey Salad: 1. Chicken Salad’s ever distant cousin, consisting of ground-up turkey parts, pimento, pickles, and paprika; looks akin to a tragic car accident or afterbirth : can be eaten on Bread 2. Euphemism for a seemingly innoucuous thing that someone might inexplicably pass-up a meaningful life experience for; such as taking a phone call from a long-lost friend.

Happy: A term to describe an elated state, usually followed by periods of listing likes/dislikes on weblog

Throwing Tacos: a random uncalled for attack upon one’s person, usually comes when victim is happy

Nicole Kensington: Leslie’s evil alter – ego, usually comes to life during unexpected attacks – *see throwing Tacos

October 26, 2005

Some of my fellow apartment dwellers and their assorted guests are so rude! Several times I have seen people come in from outside and let the door slam behind them, oblivious of the guy with his hands full of grocery bags or the UPS guy with a huge box struggling to get to the door. Please people! Make it a practice to glance behind you as you are coming to see if anybody is behind you. The UPS guy actually dropped his box trying in vain to grab the door before it slammed in his face. Everytime I see it happen, I get upset. I just can't abide rudeness. And, boy does it abound in stupid Northern Virginia.

Today, it happened to me, but in reverse, which kind of makes it worse. I was walking up to the door to go in and there was this lady holding the door for some dude with this really long skinny box. I thought that I would get there in time to hold the door for both of them and then scoot in, but she beat me to it. As I was two steps away from the door, she stepped out and let the door slam! What a bitch. We had made eye contact, so I know it was not accidental. I was dumbfounded, so I didn't get to say what I really wanted to say, which was, simply, "Thank you for holding the door for me, that was very thoughtful." Bitch! When I got off the elevator on my floor, I looked down at the car that they were loading their stupid box into, and said "I hope you crash your car, but don't hurt anyone but yourself." And I got a mental image of her with a broken leg. That is excessive, no? But I not-so-secretly hope it happens.

Go Go Gopher Cakes!

Does anybody remember that commercial where the kids sit around gourging on gopher cakes? I think it was one of those "Endorsements for a more Active Lifestyle" or some sort. At any rate, I wanted to chronicle my horrific eating today, so I could look back on this blog and not do this again.

Todays food count thus far at 10:39 (A.M.)
2 Pop Tarts Cherry
2 Mini Twix Bars
1 Forced Slice of Company Birthday cake
1 Handful of Pretzels
2 16 oz. Dr Peppers (I've apparently polished off all the Mt. Dew in the company machine.)

2 Chicken Fiesta Burritos
3 Hot Dogs
1 Pile o'Fries
2 More Mini Twix

Ugh..I can feel my arteries hardening.

October 24, 2005

The original pElvis breaker.

So my mom went to see an Elvis impersonator this weekend. Elvis (circa the fat Blue Hawaii concert).
He apparently sounded just like Elvis in every manner. It was Mom's opinion that he more or less resembled Kurt Russell. I have to admit it was fun everytime she called to answer the phone in faux Elvis.."Uh, hunh, huh", and "Thank you, thank you very mush..."

I used to spend days on end arguing with my step-dad that Elvis IS DEAD. Whereas, Frank would respond, "No he IS ALIVE, in an underground compound." There it is folks, now go find them along with next seasons spoilers for LOST.

L: "Yes, He, Tupac, Biggie, Lisa Lopes and Karen Carpenter are all holed up in an underground compound about 80 miles south of Roswell New Mexico.

I can't help but think if Elvis was alive, how would he react to Lisa Marie marrying MJ, and Priscilla in all those Naked Gun movies.

I went and seen The Bravery at the NorVA Saturday. Kurt Russell Elvis eat your heart out. The lead singer made me wanna take off my shirt or something like you'd see in a 80's glam band video. Aiyee! He told the audience that the NorVA was the nicest venue he'd ever played at, and I have to admit, it's one of the nicer ones to attend. I mean the Boathouse was a sweat pit, the Abyss; wasn't really a concert hall, just a hole of sorts.

CA had a point, i'm not really emo. I think I'm going.. British. Bloc Party, Hard - Fi, New Order, Joy Division - where is this leading too. I'm too happy to be emo.

October 23, 2005

Here is something un-nice to say!

Is it bad that I don't feel sorry for "Rapper Cam'ron" for getting shot in the arms when he wouldn't give up the Lamborghini he was drivin through what is prolly a very bad neighborhood in DC? I mean, seriously, people are starvin on the streets and he is driving a (borrowed, I'm sure) zillion dollar car rubbing it in their faces? I say he kinda got his comeuppance..... is that bad? Really, who is this guy anyways? Diddy doesn't even have a Lamborghini. I'm guessing...I mean, he hasn't called lately, but I am pretty sure he doesn't have a Lamborghini. That is my un-nice thought for October 23, 2005.

October 17, 2005

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it to my sister...

My sister & I did some fall cleaning yesterday, and to reward ourselves, we took a trip to the furniture store to check out some occasional chairs. You see, we did get a rather lovely occasional chair at this very same store, but it was so lovely that our cats showed their appreciated by completely destroying the one arm. So yesterday we went hunting for a new chair. Furniture & home decor items are to us what shoes are to most ladies. Carrie Bradshaw has no problem spending $575 on a pair of Manolos, but I'd much rather spend that much on a comfy chair to take a nap in. So anyways....

We're wandering around the furniture store, testing out all sorts of chairs, but we ended up not being able to tear ourselves away from the chair that we already own. So we decided to get the same damn chair but in a less cattractive (get it? cat-tractive? attractive to cats? oh well.) fabric. As we were discussing this fact with our trusty salesman, Claude, there was a woman sitting on the couch in the "living room" that our chair happened to be situated in, and lo, she was purchasing our dear chair! Trying to be a good friendly citizen, I offered, "we have this chair, it's awesome!" And my sister added, "yeah, we like it so much, we're gonna buy it again, but in this fabric", holding up our carefully chosen swatch. Now, I admit, we have some fucked up taste. But in our defense, the fabric we ended up with was MUCH less offensive to the lay person than the one we orignally had our hearts set on. Like, if our fabric choices were punk rockers, the original choice was Sid Vicious. The one we took home was Billy Idol. Still kind of dangerous, but he can charm your mom if need be.

So this lady, instead of just politely nodding & continuing her conversation with her sales guy, spits out, "I wouldn't." What a whore! Right? But before I could express my disdain, my sister beat me to the punch. She said, "Yeah? Well it's a good thing this ain't goin in your house." The lady re-situated herself in a huff to turn away from us. Her salesman turned a very lovely shade of eggplant. Our salesman didn't do shit cause his ass still wanted to make the commission on our special-order occasional chair.

So yeah, no real lesson here. Except maybe don't be a hag to my sister, cause she's a tough cookie. This one time when I was a teenager I smarted off to her and she straight threw a meatloaf sandwich at my face.

On a happier note, a lady came into the radio station today to pick up a prize & I needed to get something from the reception area. While the receptionist was digging for her prize, this lady's kids were inspecting our magnetic in/out board, and asked me which one of those people were on the radio. So I answered that question, and about 12 other questions pertaining to the in/out board about color-coding & such. Then, as if it were the most natural question in the world, the boy (about 8 or 9) asks, "So, you have any microscopes?". I didn't really get into it with him, but I'm pretty sure he was doing that little kid thing where they wanna show off stuff they know, like knowing how to use a microscope. When I was little, I'd go around telling people the definition of photosynthesis. Which is, in case you're wondering, the process by which green plants use light energy to make food. For whatever reason, that sixth grade definition has stayed with me for 15 years. Enough!

October 12, 2005

Blah blah life. Blah

Ok, so today I spent about 2 or 3 hours reading the Laguna Beach forum at TWOP. I sometimes have major downtime at work.... anyways, I have noticed that I watch shows with a different mindset after reading the forums and/or the recaps. Is that because I can't think for myself? Maybe.

Laguna Beach is on right now, the episode where Kristin and her robot Alex are having a fiesta. The first time I watched the episode, I was kind of embarassed for robot Alex when she came out with her stupid mo roccas and her dumb call of "Its a fiesta! Woo!" Really? What tipped you off? For me, it was the banner that said "Fiesta" and the pinata. Anywho, this time around, I was glad that the kids exchanged bitch-faced looks like "Oh god, she is a loooser! If it weren't for Kristin, we would never be at this chick's house. That is totally something that a kid in the valley or the other parts of Orange County would do. She so doesn't belong here." Then Kristin tried to help her robot out by yelling "Yeah!" but totally waited like a whole minute so robot Alex could soak in her nerdiness in the complete silence that followed her crazy outburst. Ok, so obviously, this joy at her akwardness was prompted by my annoyance at her remarks about Casey's dress in the last episode. I couldn't remember exactly what geographical location she was dissing, so maybe I pulled a little from "Clueless." What. Ever.

This weekend, I went to the movies. Because they are so expensive, I have to pick and choose movies that look good (or movies that star dudes that look good anyway). So of course, the movie Waiting was a must-see, no two ways about it. Points to Bax for going along knowing that I would be drooling over Ryan Reynolds all night. Predictably, the movie had just a sliver of a plot for those who need something to hold onto for 93 minutes. Not me, I can just hold on to RR. But following in the footsteps of other movies that were great in spite of little or no plot, like Dazed and Confused ,the movie has secured a place in my... place where you keep dvds. Bookshelf?

In the credits, somebody important, I guess Rob McKittrick, said that Dazed and Confused was an influence on the movie. I wonder if that is why the "new guy" in the movie (who I was pleased to see was Sam from Freaks & Geeks) was named Mitch. Maybe. But does it really matter? There was an all-star cast, including Ryan Reynolds, Dane Cook, Luis Guzman, the guy from Boston Public/House (whose character pronounced the word "first" as "foist" throughout the whole movie. Fun!), Justin Long (love!) and that blond chick from Not Another Scary Movie (I think). Good times. Nobody was annoying, even the hostess chick.

Since I suck at movie reviewing, I will just tell you that it is gross, funny, nasty, a little scary, and it will make you think twice about complaining about your food or service, or anything. I might be able to think of something interesting to say, except the TV IS BLARING IN HERE AND I CAN'T USE MY BRAIN.


October 4, 2005

I'm an......Adult?

Yesterday, I went to an art exhibition at the ODU student gallery. In my noblest of hearts, I went to "hear" the speaker, a graphic designer for Emigre speak on..(drum roll please)..FONTs and design. The evil Nicole Kensington (my alter ego), was there to EAT, look at things that broke ass Leslie could spend money on, and socialize.

It was a bust, because me and artistic co-conspirators Marcia and Shei were nearly 30 minutes late. Upon entering, we managed to rudely interrupt entire event by loudly arguing why I chose a backpack versus a purse. The speaker had no audio and vision of screen (which coincidentally was a POWERPOINT presentation..gack) was blocked by hanging fixtures.

I digress, this was a recon mission to view the enemy, graphic design class of 2005-2009. You know the ones coming for my (your) job. Me version 2.0. Suprisingly me 2.0 has not changed one bit since I graduated. They ate the free food, snatched up brochures, recruited a stooly to take notes and left for the food court. The only ones listening were as usual: the faculty, the elders, and the homeless man who came in to eat cheese.

We followed the opening by heading to the ODU gallery, in which I guilted myself for visiting AFTER GRADUATING ODU.
Here I was greeted by a medly of familiar faces, to my suprise NOT many New ones. All the people working, were people that were "seniors" when I was a senior.

My curiousity peaked I asked one super senior senior, "So do YOU work?"
Answer: "Nope, I will die happily in debt, in college."
I guess I don't have to worry about her coming for my job.

The owner of the comic store I patron, asked me what I did today. I said I'm a graphic designer. He smiled and gave me to blank white sheets of paper.

"It's no graphic design, but you could win some some free comics. Draw whatever you want. If our judges like you win."

I realized today, that I am an adult. I have responsibilities to myself, to the government, and to others. I have commitments and time crunches and bills. Burr...I need a tylenol.

October 3, 2005

White Stripes 10/28/05, House of Blues Atlantic City

I forgot to "review" the White Stripes show from last week, and since I am not very intellectual about music, this is gonna be brief and mostly incoherent.

Here we have a picture taken from my cameraphone as this place had more security than a Jlo wedding. Otherwise I would have taken a real photo.

As for the rock n’ roll show….it was stupendous. Even got-damned frat boys were dancing. There was this one guy a few rows in front of me that had the death-grip on his girlfriend’s hand and was doing the Roxbury guys head-bob thing. That or he had Tourrette’s. It was dark & I couldn’t tell. Either way, it was amusing. Yes, I find Tourrette’s amusing, and yes, it’s probably because I don’t have it. But I HAVE already been stricken with an uncurable disease so striking me down wouldn’t be that big a punishment.

Another favorite part of the show (besides Death Letter, duh) was when Mr. Jack White put this dumb girl in the front row of the balcony on blast. She was totally on ecstacy (not that Jack could tell that, or maybe he could) and was turned around in her seat with her back to the stage so she could make suggestive faces at the gentlemen in the crowd. Jack stopped all his rock n’ roll business to ask her to pay attention to him cause, “Honey, we’re putting on a show here”. Then he said all coy, “I’m just kidding…” But you know he wasn’t! See. People make Jack out to be some kind of Rock n’ Roll Howard Hughes cause he wears a Bullfighter outfit on stage & gets married to supermodels in a canoe by a shaman on the Congo. But he’s alright with me. I know he’s just folks.

So yes, electronic friends. Go see the White Stripes show when they come into your respective towns. I bet even a Hench would abandon the “NO!” Corner to shimmy for a minute.