Christmas is so gay.

My sister and I happened upon these gems at the local home & garden store (which is mostly a Christmas store, actually). This iPhone picture totally does not do them justice. "Clint", the gay cowboy merman (left) is 8 inches tall. There are several more, and I definitely plan to at least pick up Jack Hammer before the season is over.

I don't know why I love these things so much. They're just totally random & I think the perfect example of how ridiculous Christmas really is.

And yes, that is leather-pants-era Elvis serenading the fellas. And yes I purposely have him straddling a red chrimmas light.

Pancakes Yawns

I got some sweet new lamps for my bedroom, the kind that actually shed light, so that I may now take better pictures of my pets in bed. I was trying to take a normal picture of Pancakes, but he yawned instead. I am totally mesmerized and terrified of this picture. But mostly, I'm stumped for a good lolcats caption. Any suggestions?

First "Illustration"

My mommy got me a Bamboo for Chrimmas, and this here is the first thing I drew, kinda quick just to try to blog while it was still Chrimmas (will probably fail at that, too). I don't know why I always draw grapes.

My brother and his girlfriend spent the day with us and we had a delicious dinner and everyone had the warm fuzzies. Until he went to go home and found that the rear window on his brand new car that he's only had for 2 months---the first brand new car of his 31 years, had been shot out by some jerkoff kid who got a bb gun for Chrimmas. Seriously? If I see a kid in my neighborhood with a bb gun I am totally unleashing Uma on him. Then I will follow him home start kicking over shrubberies until his stupid parents reimburse us for the glass. Ok, none of that is true, but I would maybe have a grown-up talk with the stupid parents.

My dad passed away on Christmas Eve-Eve when I was 14. That New Year's, my friend Kristen insisted I come to her Uncle Frank & Aunt Sandy's NYE Party. It was kind of great. Just after midnight, everyone ate grapes and that was supposed to mean good luck or something in the new year. After the grapes, there were the homemade sausage & lettuce sandwiches on crusty rolls. The sausage sandwiches were frickin' awesome. Every year after that, until Kristen's grandmom died, whatever New Years party (the ones with booze & stuff) we were at, after the ball dropped, we would pile into a car (with a responsible driver, natch) and zip over to her grandmom's house for a sausage sandwich. We would stand there in her kitchen, kinda drunk, while Kristen's dad told us inappropriate jokes.

That's it, the end. No epiphany. Grapes & sausage sandwiches.

Back away from the Puppy.

Just a little friendly Christmas PSA for the folks….

Do NOT get a puppy for Christmas.

Yes, it is totally adorable and it's adoreableness would grow exponentially as it ambled through the wrapping paper shrapnel on Christmas morning.

Yes, that cage is rather small; and would it kill them to throw the measliest of squeaky toys in there to pass the time?

Yes, your friends would be impressed by your choice of clever, ironic, or non-sensical name (The Fonz, Rumsfeld, Bagel).

I found myself reassuring myself of these same facts just yesterday at the old mall pet store, as my sister and were entranced by an English Bulldog pup.

How soon I'd forgotten, how just one year ago I made a similar decision that almost ruined me.

I dunno. I don’t' have any really intelligent things to say about how dog ownership is at least a 10-year commitment and you should do your research or blah blah blah.

I'm just saying it's a bad idea to get a puppy for Christmas. Get a Cinnabon instead. Cinnabon won't eat your deodorant.