March 29, 2007

Little Annoyances

Scarlett Johansson.

The latest on the terrible actress/kind-of-a-bimbo frontline: "I think I kind of look like a boy. I mean, not my body, obviously." -- Scarlett Johansson

Well, obviously!

Knees (and elbows).

Because I take them for granted, they love to remind me of their existence by ramming themselves into the bracket that holds my new workstation together. Eeeeouch! Also a favorite pasttime, ramming themselves into the useless keyboard tray under my desk. I can honestly say I've never used this keyboard tray thing, which sticks out about a half inch from the desk, but computer services won't get rid of it.

Sometimes my elbows get into the spirit as well, ramming themselves on the edge of my desk. But I've stopped this problem by raising my chair all the way up. This is good for my knees as it brings me ever closer to the keyboard tray.

Driving. At all. Anywhere in Northern Virginia.

Why just today, on my way to work, I had a large truck try to come in my lane when I was right beside it (I guess I was too small for him to see from Such Great Heights), a clunker almost pull out in front of me from a parking lot, a car pull out in front of me from a merge lane going, oh, I don't know, 15 MPH to my 40 MPH (silly me, doing a little thing call obeying the law and driving at the speed limit) driven by somebody on a very important cell phone call, and I encountered somebody riding on a little scooter that couldn't go faster than 35 MPH, also in a 40 MPH zone. I swear, people are out of their ever-loving minds when it comes to driving.

People who roll their eyes all the time and pretend to be so bored with life.

My new coworker excels at this. He is always pretending its the end of the world when we have a slow day (or week). As if he doesn't spend every minute loudly typing his memoirs or whatever, work or no work. He's fresh out of college, you'd think he'd be at least thankful to have a steady paycheck and health benefits.

And finally, cleaning crews that come in while you are working and insist that you hold the presses (sort of literally for us in the Publishing Business) and get out of your chair so they can clean around your workspace.

There, bitchfest over. Now I can get back to waiting for work to trickle in so I can go home sometime tonight.

You can't see me, but I'm rolling my eyes and am so bored with life.

March 28, 2007

Thou shalt not use YouTube to populate your blog with "content"

Sorry for the back-to-back YouTube posts, but I sawr this on Idolator, and I think it's kind of awesome.

I especially like the "just a band" part. And the part about coke products. And every other part.

Some people are just nice!

March 25, 2007


This is one of the best TV Funhouse's in recent memory...if you haven't spent any amount of time with the under 5 crowd in the last few years you may not "get" it, but enjoy anyway...

March 23, 2007


I probably shouldn't even be writing this blog given corporate america's stand on blogs in general. I figure it's not about my actual job or tasks more or less, but about a grievance I must voice and will be taking a stand on next week at my job..(that is barring a cold front.)

My office has a "business/casual/formal" dress code in place year round. Which in a nutshell means - no jeans, no khakis, no cotton?? (wtf) and no capris. This was drafted during the late 80's during which corporate america had to go to war with biker shorts, spandex stirrups, and arsenals of neon bangles and hair accessories. Not to mention shoulder pads, animal print, and coolocs ( no idea how to spell that). Given that today's high climbed up to 86 it was no suprise to get to my desk to find this email in my mailbox.

"Ladies, in order to offer additional comfort, we “seasonally” suspend the Business Casual dress code to allow all who wish not to wear pantyhose or socks. The period of time that this is allowed is from Memorial Day to Labor Day. I am disappointed to see quite a few gals instituting this privilege now and not waiting until Memorial Day which is May 28th. Should it be necessary, please review the Company Dress Code which is always posted on our bulletin boards."

I don't like panty hose, but I will wear them if the event, fashion dictates it. Given that the planet is heating up year by year - is it unreasonable for the law to be broken slighty ahead of Memorial day? Norfolk has no true seasons, just a modge podge of mixed temperatures varying wildly week to week. Why should the new millenium ladies be punished for the sins of the 80's?

So next week, me and a few rebels are casting panty hose to the wind and heading off to work. Wish me luck humble OEF readers. If you can wear jeans - shout hell yeah into the night!
and check out this video from HBO's 6 Feet Under ------

March 19, 2007

I'm turning in my assignment late. Even if I fail, I'm doing this for my own pride.

My shell color is pale because I'm super-pale because its winter. My eyebrows are bushy because they need to be waxed (Yes I get my eyebrows waxed. Its the one luxury I indulge in) and my sunglasses, which resemble those I had to wear after Lasik, hide (well mostly hide) the bags under my eyes, cause I'm tired! I'm yawning, also cause I'm tired. My hair is wavy cause that's how I want it to be in real life, and the color was inspired by the time in high school when I dyed it red with Manic Panic. My gloves are tan like the ones I borrowed from G's roomate one year and "forgot" to give back. I still have 'em! My slippers are symbolic of the yellow duck slippers I used to have that would quack when you squeezed an ear on the left one (even though these are bunnies). And finally, the tiki cup is because the weather is getting warmer (well it was when I first made my M&M, that's how long this project took me) and I'm ready to go out and have fun.

My Leslie's shell is brown because she was so tan when I saw her last summer. Her hair is in a ponytail because she is about to go running. This also accounts for her ipod ear buds and her cool green running shoes. I'm not sure what her real running shoes look like, but at any rate, the character creator kind of sucks anyway, so you are limited in what you can do. Her gloves are gray because of the sketching she has been doing in pencil, and her face is that of when she was the victim of boob-gropping at the NOFX show last year.

My Carol Ann's shell is hot pink in remembrance of our favorite color for the SAC movie flyers we used to post all over Powhatan. Her hair is blue and short like the wig she wore one Halloween that provided hours of fun even after Halloween was way over. Her foot is in a cast because of the terrible accident in BAL that involved Kevin Turner's longboard. Her facial expression is that of having taken a sip of Pepsi and savoring its fizzy yumminess, and the purse is because she always has a new cute purse whenever I see her.

March 16, 2007

An "F" in M&M

I'm technically challenged and have not been able to post my M&Ms. It just won't work on my computer, and its reached the point where it is more frustrating than fun, so I'm not going to try anymore. They are cute though, I wish I could post them.

March 14, 2007

OEF: M Challenge

My Carol Ann - Her shell color is purple, because most likely if I'm doing anything creative for CA she'll request that purple be a featured color. The facial expression is the face I imagine she makes when she says pff...or mer...Usually an expression of disdain when I have said something totally nonsensical or colorless. You'll notice she is wearing American Eagle boots - a constant fashion accessory throughout college that on several occassions I fancied I would steal. These boots were special in that they had fantastic rubber bottoms that were comfy as well as extremely cute. She's carrying a Timbuktu bag in brown another Gardlerian staple throughout the years.

My Hench - Hench is yellow because that's her favorite color. I imagined Hench to be squinting too, because of Lasik, however since my Hench drives alot she needs to keep one eye fully open and aware at all times. She's also saying "doooode" for all of you that can't lip read. Hench's foot attire is also a throwback to these awesome Pumas that she wore throughout school. I think they were brown or burgundy. She's carrying a cell phone because she has two, and one of them is NOT flip phone. She needs this phone to call ME when she gets to Norfolk. I put a hat on her because I always think when I see Hench she'd look cool wearing a knit hat like the coffee drinkers at Starbucks wear.

My Me: My favorite color is blue and the color reminds me of my old imac. I'm wearing one of those beanies because I'm an artist of sorts and this reminds me of those French impressionist painters. One of my hands is in a cast because I fall alot and find new ways to injure myself. My face is tired but happy and I try to show my teeth when I smile. I made my eyebrows blonde and slim because I always worry they will become so light they'll be non visible. My converse shoes are my favorite, and I try to sneak the purple ones into as many outfits as possible. I'm wearing the belt Larry got me for X-Mas because it was very expensive and I must wear it all the time because of that.

All hair choices were limited - So I just went with the closest looking style to said character.

This WAS fun.

March 13, 2007

OEF Challenge: M&M your Friends

Leslie & I were talking over IM, and discovered that we'd both made M&M's of ourselves. She wasn't crazy about the one she'd made for herself, so I offered to make her. Thus, an OEF challenge is born. The rules are you can't get fancy with Photoshop--you have to use the options available on the website, as shabby as they may be.

Above you have my personal M&M, as well as my Leslie & Hench.

My Me Choices: I don't have any special excuse for my choice in shell color, besides the fact that I'm sorta tan most of the year. And I looked weird purple. The hair selection over at was sort of vexing, so I settled on this once I accepted the fact that I was going to have to abandon any semblance of reality as I was making a self-portrait if I were an M&M candy. The glasses are easy because my glasses are purple and sorta look like those. Same thing with the shoes, except I added a dash of purple to color-coordinate with the glasses. The tiki drink is an omage to a favorite glass/cup of mine that I found in a shop in Cape May lots of years ago. It holds the perfect amount of beverage and could very well double as a weapon as it weighs like 3 pounds.

My Leslie Choices: I settled on Leslie's lovely greenish/silverish hue because that is the designer Ralph Lauren color that she recently settled on for an accent wall in her house. Her hair color is a throwback to the color it was when I met her, and the shortness/choppiness is a throwback to the haircut from hell she received by visiting Captain Zig-Zag next to Gray's Pharmacy. Athletic socks because she is at the gym like every minute, and headphones because she is a voracious consumer of music.

My Hench Choices: Hench is blue in honor of the first car she drove when I knew her, and her current one. Her eyes are all wonky because of her recent Lasik-related troubles, not because she's about to go postal (though she might). Her hair is another unfortunate victim of poor choices in the character creator, and I didn't want to use the same hair as I did for mine, so she's just wearing a pony tail. Yellow flip-flops to go to the beach, and Bobo hot from the dryer!

This was fun.

March 8, 2007

An old obsession

I used to play The Sims for hours and hours. Though my present-day video-gamey sorta time is most certainly allotted to online Scrabble, I was amused by this Lily Allen video done in "Simish". I'm still on the fence about Lily Allen in general, but I appreciate this exercise.

I would play the Sims so much that I actually thought that I could understand their weird little language.

For instance, if two people were in a bathroom and one wanted to actually use the bathroom, they would very huffily say to the other, "Fla na na....toook."

And when going to work? "Sool, sool."

And my personal favorite, when you would refuse to give your Sim what they want; be it food, sleep, TV time, romance, or the aforementioned bathroom break; they would actually look up at you, the computer operator and their own personal god, and exclaim: "Ooh ooh bay! Me na la kala! Koo koo too bee!" in the most desperate voice while waving their arms feverishly.

March 3, 2007

She's Wrong

I really kind of hate to use this word, but NOFX summed her up so eloquently....

"She's a cunted cunt."

March 2, 2007

A Permanent De-Friending of Sorts

I guess I thought I'd take a few minutes to say good-bye to my former social networking site - Friendster.
For about a 4 month time span I logged on over there ever so infrequently until myspace just demolished THAT space.

I noticed an announcement from buddy Sheiko over there and realized I hadn't checked my account in two years. Oddly enough some seemingly cool peeps were trying to be chatty - but the invites weren't seen til nearly two years later. Sorry Don, Kylie, John, Mitch, and Bob - what could have been? :)

It was a little sad when you go to delete the account - Friendster is like "why" & "is there someone else" and then "are you sure"?
If only those sorts of questions would automatically pop up everytime you make a major decision - "Are you really sure you want to cut your hair?" "Captain Zig-Zag Leslie, come on??" "Why"

Anyway I got two really dope testimonials from G and Shei that I thought I'd post here since their home there is gone.
I like compliments and it's hard to delete things when someone says something especially nice about you.

So for posterity :
Posted ?/?/04
Leslie is awesome at on-the-fly
impersonations. I can't even explain,
but she has an amazing ability to make
me laugh out loud in an embarrassing
fashion, which is no small feat. Also?
One time she partied so hard that the
most comfortable place she could think
of to lay down was the doorway of my
bedroom. Then she lamented not being
able to rap like biggie, amongst other
things. Yes, I have it on video and it's
for sale. Hit me up.

Posted 7/18/2004
If I was a man I'd go for Leslie. She
has the best music taste and the nicest
ass. Haha. She draws too. That's just
f*cking perfect. Hahaha. She rocks like