August 13, 2008

Ask a 20 year old..

One of my close friends has a 20 year old sister, who in turn has 20 a posse of 20 something friends. That attend TCC, VCU. and ODU respectively. I ran into one of the posse members at Macarthur and here is a rough draft of our exchange.

L: Hey B, how’s it going?
B: Good, bored here (at mall) stressing school.
L: You have a full course load?
B: Yeah, I’m taking alot of electives, my mom says I’m a professional student.
L: No problem with that! Stay in school forever, the job market stinks. (This has been my answer to any question regarding college since 2002).
B: You should go back.
L: Really? I’ve been thinking about it for awhile. (Now here I ask a rhetorical question, I walked right into this trap but my reasoning for college or not again would be an essay so I follow by saying:) Are you sure I’m not too old? - (29 to her fresh 20)

B looks uneasy. Moves back from me a few feet and says.

B: Well YOU MIGHT BE, there’s alot of younger folks at TCC.
L: Really?! Not any older people there just going to school to learn a trade or something?
B: No..not really. I mean you shouldn’t quit your job. I mean, YOU DON’T WANT TO BE ON WELFARE.

I capped only the words that I heard. Translation: OLD and UNEMPLOYABLE.

If you want support ask your mother, if you want what you “should” do ask your friends, BUT if you prefer an emotioinal kick in the junk then ask a 20 year old.

I think I will torment her by inviting her to Baxters and laughing when she’s not allowed in. I mean there’s alot of “OLDER” people at bars. She’d feel odd.

August 12, 2008

Dear Diary

Acts of Douchery - August 2008 Edition

At G's Suggestion last year I began keeping a running log of infringements committed UPON a one miss Leslie Paxton at work. I thought it might be good to have such things documented for as far as I can see, some of that stuff is (and if is isn't it should be) illegal. I'm still gainfully employed by same location, so I still can't publish my "douchery" log. I won't ever publish that stuff probably as I will need to work until I'm 70 (80 if social security poops out on our generation). Yes, I read all that stuff I get from my IRA provider.

Since I have nothing good to say lately I thought I'd point out some of my own personal badness in hopes of somehow improving my non blogging situation. Life after all is both light and DARK. Shit happens.

I went out to eat at Mike's Pizza yesterday. It was delicious. $10 dollars of delish to be exact. The day before $7 dollars of delish at KFC. The day before that $8 dollars of tasty goodness at Arby's and the DAYS before that countless Dog-N-Burger visits. If it wasn't bad enough that this is was financially immature and destructive behavior, it's also not too good on my health. The quick high of an Italian sausage pizza is quickly being replaced with dread over lazy bloaty feeling, heartburn, and declining balance in my checking account. I'm still running, but for the first time ever - I'm actually having to ice down my knees to calm their pain screams at night. It's looking like I'll need to out "think" my appetite rather than out "run" it.

LJ (aka fantastic god-son nephew 4-year old sunshine) went running with me yesterday and pointed out that I am an "dolt". A mispronunciation of "adult". "You're a dolt. You're a dolt. You're a dolt. AUNNIE PAGGIN." He pointed out a few minutes later after picking him up to tag a stop sign, "you're big and strong too." Which made me feel less like a "dolt" or "adult" for that matter.

I took a monumental step towards building a website. I bought my domain name. is mine. I am going to dedicate a complete blog on my quest to get this thing running real nice and professional. In summary though, it's going to COST.

I'm humming George Harrison from my mux tape as I ponder my webpage.

I got my mind set on you (x 4)
But its gonna take money
A whole lotta spending money
To do it right child

Its gonna take time
A whole lot of precious time
Its gonna take patience and time....

With that I'll leave you with a finger wag from the Colbert Report - if only because it made me crack up.

Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice said this in an interview with "My Hollywood crush? I've got lot's of them. Doesn't everybody like Denzel Washington?" Colbert issues a wag of his finger to Denzel, for distracting Rice from her duties.

August 5, 2008

The Fruity Mix

I'm killing two (or more, not sure yet) birds with one stone in this post. 1) I made a muxtape a few months ago after a tip from Brendan, and planned to yammer on here about it, and (2 I was driving home from work today, totally ADD-ing it up by skipping through songs lightning quick on the old iPod until I found one I'd like to sing.

The songs I usually want to sing are admittedly fruity. And, no, I don't mean "gay/homosexual" when I say fruity. Though, some of these songs are pretty gay. Take that however you want. Let me meander into a third bird, with a quick waterpark anecdote, to help explain.

A huge perk of working in the ticket booth at the waterpark was control of the music. We had a programmable six-disc changer ('member those?) that, if my boss/best friend's mom had her druthers, would play nothing but Boz Scaggs, Hall & Oates, and Jimmy Buffett non-stop. But we were precocious teenagers, and she tolerated our need to feel important, or interesting, or to curry favor with some hot lifeguard with a penchant for a particular Phish song.

One bright, shiny morning at the Jersey Shore, it was my turn to pick the music. There were only a few ground rules when it came to music at the waterpark. Not to loud, not too angry, definitely no curse words, and nothing that; should Jane (boss/friend's mom) be in a bad mood, would send her over the edge and sentence us to the locker booth for the rest of the summer.
That morning I thought I'd followed the rules, but I received life lesson/phone call from my manager, Katie, informing me that the "fruitiest song (she'd) ever heard" was playing and could I please change it immediately?

I remember the song, and though I liked it before this incident, I am still kind of embarrassed when it comes up on the iPod. It was "Accidentally Kelly Street" by Frente, and I have absolutely no defense for liking it. (Especially after I watched the first 25 seconds of the video I just linked.) It was this moment in time that I became self-conscious about my taste in music. For years after, I tried to craft my "public" musical tastes to whatever I thought made me look the coolest---Which is a totally fruity concept on it's own.

Anyway, a few years later, at that same waterpark, my bosses daughter & her friends were old enough to work, and had taken control of the music situation the same way Katie & I had before them. And they liked N*Sync. A lot. By the end of the summer, I'd gone Stockholm Syndrome, and believed that I also liked N*Sync a lot. When I returned to college that fall, I was in a record store with a friend, an english-department type, when "Just Got Paid" came on over the in-store. She was aghast that I was singing along, both shocked that I would know the words and be so bold as to let that fact be known in public. It was in this moment I let my fruit flag fly. I acknowledged that the song was indeed fruity, and I did indeed kind of love to sing it, but that doesn't cancel out all the "legitimately cool" music I like.

So yeah, here's my fruity mix. I'll try to keep the fruitiness rationale to a minimum, but will probably fail.

The Dismemberment Plan - The Ice of Boston : Mostly talk-singing, and at one point the protagonist impersonates his mom.

The Format - Dog Problems : I'm pretty sure they use a tuba in this song. Also, I imagine that this band would be the product if Rufus Wainwright & Ben Folds had a baby. Kind of over-dramatic, but definitely quirky. I love, love, love to sing this in the car.

The Bogmen - Suddenly : An oldie from DOX, a teeny-tiny radio station run out of a room over a guy (who I would come to work with as an adult)'s garage. The protagonist impersonates his girlfriend impersonating her roommate on the phone. Also mostly talk-singing and general silliness.

Material Issue - Going Through Your Purse : Another DOX gem. I actually always linked this song with "Suddenly" in my mind. Talk-singing. The lyrics are exactly what the title describes; a guy listing the things he found in his girlfriend's purse.

The Avalanches - Since I Left You: Creepy/haunting chorus floating amid a bouilliabase of sounds/music/talking. I'm not even sure this counts as a song, but I adore it.

Gomez - Cry On Demand: This song isn't all that fruity, actually. Besides the fact that the phrase "boo-hoo" features prominently in the chorus. Very fun to sing, though.

Mike Doughty - Real Love / It's Only Life: A remake of the song made famous by CeCe eniston in the early 90's. Some would find this provocative because it's a white guy playing an R&B/dance song on an acoustic guitar. I can't front: I loved this song in 7th grade. Also? I once had an AOL instant message conversation with Mike Doughty---someone on AOL's Soul Coughing message board posted Doughty's screenname, and I added him to my buddy list. Now, this is like, actual America Online, not AIM. Totally fruity.

Ween - Your Party : I'm pretty sure Ween meant for this song to be fruity with it's smooth saxophone stylings. Also, it's by Ween, whose only other song I know is called "Piss up a Rope", which cracks my shit up, and songs that are "funny" are automatically fruity as they are not serious musical compositions. Or something.

Animaniacs - Nations of the World: Besides being from a long, long defunct after-school cartoon that wasn't even that great in the first place (save for the They Might Be Giants stuff)...As a pre-teen I took this song as a challenge, and decided to memorize it. I had index cards and everything. I succeeded, and yes, I can still rattle off all the words, and yes, I understand how exponentially fruity that makes me.

Of Montreal - The Repudiated Immortals : There's not much I can pin down about this song as being particularly fruity, but this is precisely the kind of song that would cause Jane (waterpark boss) to make a face like she smelled a fart. I love this song to pieces because of all the doubling/tripling/whatevering of the vocals.

Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine - Sherriff Fatman : Ridiculous/awesome band name. Talk-singing. References to things relevant to England in the 80's. Just the kind of song that gets you looks from cubicle passersby.

Iron Horse - Float On : Bluegrass version of the Modest Mouse song. Banjos involved. Heather and I like to sing real loud in the office.

So there you have it. I don't think I've made much sense, but this was fun.