May 27, 2014

For Ian...

but mostly, really and truly for Judy

10 things I hate about Dogs.

I hate the way you bark and bark.
I hate that you make a mess when you eat your food.

I hate early morning walks in the park....
and I really hate picking up your poop.

I hate carrying your short legs up the stairs.
I hate driving you around.
I really hate cleaning the sofa and lint rolling the hairs

I hate it when you make me laugh, and this strange new feeling I’ve found

Mostly I hate that I don’t hate you...
and that we don’t abandon (fur) family whether bark or purr or meow.

February 27, 2014

Jury Duty

Monday Feb, 24

After not being called for 12 years, I finally got the recording that my group WOULD report for duty.  I nearly forgot, was en-route to work and had to turn the car around, but I made it, just in time to watch 8 episodes of Property Virgins on HGTV (score).  I won't go into a long narrative about the actual crime myself - that's all below if you want to follow along (I'm happy to let the news media help out there).
Here are my findings:
1. Out of a pool of 50, at least 30 of the Norfolk residents had in some way been affected by gun violence, myself included. The question was broad and unbiased - just merely a show of hands if you or a family member, friend, or acquaintance had been in some way affected.
2. Jury of "your peers" is really not at all a jury of your actual peers. 
Really it's a group of 13 humans with: modge-podge availability; that do not watch the news; and are not stricken with diabetes, IBS, or just bullshit in general.  The latter being the most common ailment.
3. You cannot leave the courtroom to pee (or poo) until court scheduled recess. Gross, but legit concern.
4. Our lifestyle, backstories, and upbringings are as wildly unique and different as snowflakes. I can see where Dick Wolf (l&o) draws his endless piles of source material. 
5. You can go to court and watch almost any trial if you are interested in the judicial process. The Judge implied and encouraged it! You cannot bring your smartphone.
So here's the case I would have sat on had I been chosen:
and here
and video of the actual event:

RAW VIDEO: Jurors shown surveillance video of shooting inside Norfolk pharmacy. ... Jurors are deliberating and are expected to decide whether he is guilty of manslaughter

WARNING: 13News Now has decided to show only the confrontation that led up to the shooting -->
and the end?....
My opinion - totally preventable at any point in the storyline.
I imagine myself just saying - 'scuse me were you in line? or even just seeing someone agitated pacing around and maybe thinking
- I'd come back later.
If you remove the guns - maybe this is just a mismatched tussle with two douchebags arguing and knocking over some iron supplements.
What say ye OEF?

January 21, 2014

Stuff - The 10 year anniversary edition.

It's hard to believe our little writing endeavor is 10 years old. In honor of our neglected masterpiece, I asked the girls to revisit this list from 2004 (without looking at the old one) in between editing, disease-cataloging, and faux-info-meme making. Folks grab your Snuggies, we're list writin' and revisiting.

Leslie's stuff = blue
Hench's Stuff = green
G's Stuff = purple (note: G is still composing her portion at the time of posting).

1.Word(s) that you really really hate:
Please + advise (when used in combination together) and fupa (which I didn't even know existed until my brother posted on facebook, thanks Larry).
Spunk, moist, headache

2. One place you would like to visit before you are too old to travel:
Vancouver and Glacier National Park.

3. One thing you believed in college that no longer holds true:
The career that makes you professionally happiest, may not necessarily be the one that affords you happiness after work. What I'm saying is: live your dreams, but make sure you can afford them.
That life stretches out before me with infinite time to do the things I want to do

4. One sound that will always make you smile sadly yet fondly:
I live near an airport and have for sometime, I like the way my mom claps her hands and runs to the door to see which plane is flying over.
The sound of a classic car

5. Word(s) that you really love:
Flotsam and Jetsam, genius, malevolent, zany, and tuna.
Summer, evening, grace, ocean

6. One book that you would recommend to anyone, anywhere:
Bossy Pants by Tina Fey.
The Given Day, by Dennis Lehane

7. One movie that was actually better than the book:
I'm definitely going with the Hunger Games on this one. I know, I'm risking being tossed in the stockade and having fish thrown at me by Muppets.
Still have to go with The Last of the Mohicans

8. One person who has shocked you by having a child out of wedlock:
None really - maybe one acquaintance on Instagram, but she was always a gypsy, so again not really that shocking.
Well, hmm...Jessica Simpson?

9. One person you think lives in a bad neighborhood so they can feel superior:
I have friends that live in Riverview (Norfolk) although I think it's because they like the zoo.
Nobody now

10. Song quote that expresses your feelings on current events or life in general:
I have a whole playlist of songs that are helping me survive "mid-thirties".
But in particular: Arcade Fire, The Suburbs (song)

So can you understand
Why I want a daughter while I'm still young?
I wanna hold her hand
And show her some beauty
Before this damage is done - Arcade Fire

"Feeling sick and helpless, lost the compass where 'self' is. I know what I gotta do, and I can't help it." -Macklemore
11. Actor/actress/celebrity that you feel irrational disdain for and why:
Not a big fan of Woody Allen - I don't get the appeal at all. Not my bag.
And the cast of Two and Half Men - no idea why that show is still on and the salaries are so high.
Sometimes I'm weirded out by Scarlet Johansen.

Most of my disdain is rational....maybe Blake Lively? She's a pretty rotten actress. Is she still a celebrity?