At least you are only dealing with mother issues. My problem is with my whole family. First, my brother dissed me practically the whole weekend. Now, we have never been as close as some brother-sister duos, but still you would think that he would want to spend a little bit of time with me. Instead, he wanted to hang out with his friend who was in "from out of town." And am I not from "out of town?" He can't even be creative with his excuses, just saying "I'm tired, and I don't like Nicholas Cage." Then we come home from the movies and he is gone, leaving a note on a cranberry-stained paper towel by the coffee pot simply saying "went to see my friend Mikki from out of town." Now, I'm no big fan of Nicholas Cage(really, what has he done of note since Raising Arizona?) but I went to the movie because it is a tradition in our house and because my dad was scared of the gay sex scenes in "Alexander." Which, by the way, is limited to a kiss or two and a hug. I don't think they are even naked hugs, mind you. Plus, he told me he invited his friend over for dinner because he didn't have any family around. This guy used to be seriously hot (way back in July for cripes sake) and now? Not so hot. At all. Sadly. Mistaken. What a let down. I mean it would have been sort of nice....
My mother. I don't know how it happend, but gradually since I moved out and away, everything she says seems to annoy me in a gradually excelerating manner. I start home in a good mood and by the second day, I'm shutting down. I think it is because she will ask you the same question over and over again until you give her the "right" answer. Usually, about little everyday things like "Are you sure you don't want to eat an egg for breakfast?" Usually, the "right" answer is the opposite of what I say. Or maybe it is because she always refers to herself as Grandma when speaking with the cat. And I am always Mommy. And she speaks in a disgustingly sweet baby talk voice. And my brother is Uncle Dave. C'mon now.
Then again, I listened to David Sedaris' Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim on the way home. It sort of puts things in perspective. I recommend the audio book version, because the stories are priceless when read by him. His voice. His impressions of his hick brother Paul. It is the kind of audio book you can get obsessed with.
GGB is on page 101 of that People magazine. You were sort of close. Maybe a little dyslexic. Also, he is on page 35. In drag. I thought it was Holly Hunter, but alas, it is GGB. It doesn't diminish anything, people.
3 comments:
A triumph of a first post, indeed! I insist that you write more often. I also agree that the naked man hugs in Alexander wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. This is Jordan Catalano we're talking about. Why can straight men get off on the idea of two girls going at it, and a straight girl is supposed to be shocked (shocked!) at the idea of hot man-on-Jordan action?
I am also my cat's "Mommy" when I go home. There should be a support group for people who have unknowingly given birth to feline offspring. It's become especially gross-o-rama now since she's (the cat) morbidly obese and had to have all the fur shaved off her hind parts due to a skin allergy. She looks similiar to Kirsty Alley wearing a huge scoop neck sweater with stirrup pants.
Oh yeah, I SECOND CA's motion that you post more often!!
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