When Hench & Husband were visiting a few weeks ago, we watched Louis CK’s HBO One Night Stand. In it, he talked about why politicians can’t relate to regular people, and how it’s because politicians (re: rich people) don’t know what it’s like to be poor, but poor people know all about what it’s like to be rich. How we all have our “rich lives” planned out. It’s true. Just ask anyone I talk to on a regular basis about the castle I plan to build once I purchase my winning Mega Millions ticket, and you’ll be damned if they can’t list at least a half a dozen of it’s amenities.
I came to the most amazing epiphany yesterday, my 26th birthday.
You see, for decades it seems; the world, the media, and mostly Leslie, have declared that I need an iPod. The thought would wake me from sleep; “I don’t have an iPod. I am inadequate to exist in society.”
I would regularly cruise the Apple website, hoping for a miraculous price drop. I would vainly “customize” minis with a “PUNK BOOTY” engraving much in the manner that some girls pour through those “design your own engagement ring” websites. I even half-heartedly explored those “Get a free iPod” emails where you have to sign up for three offers of some sort, usually bailing when I realized even $5.95 in shipping & handling for some crappy product that I’d return immediately would break my sad bank.
So yesterday was my birthday. My office had the obligatory catch-all September birthday party, and lucky me it was actually on my birthday. Two of my lovely co-workers went in together and got me a fantastic present. Having heard me ramble on about iPods, they decided to shut me up and give me a 1 GB shuffle, gift receipt included.
And so the epiphany horse left the gate. My immediate thought was, “Goody, I’m halfway to a REAL iPod.” I figured I could hang on to the shuffle for a few weeks, and with my next pay I could skip into Circuit City & at least get a Nano. 1,000 isn’t what I NEED, apparently, but it’ll do.
You see, bringing it back to the Louis CK rich-life planned out line of thinking, I’ve realized that living in a dream-world for however little chunks of time as I do, I’ve subconsciously delineated where I can get a little piece of the good life, and iPod ownership made that list. I somehow believed that I was entitled to the best damn iPod possible. Until, that is, about 3:00pm, when, BING-BONG, it dawned on me that a Shuffle will do me just fine.
When I wake up in the morning, I listen to Howard Stern. No iPod necessary. In the car on the way to work? Howard. After December, my nifty Sirius will be taking care of that. At work I’m listening to Howard until he’s done, and for the rest of the day I’ve got a rather overgrown iPod substitute sitting on my desk in the form of a computer loaded up with every mp3 I’ve collected since the dawn of Napster back in the ORIGINAL SAC office. On the way home from work I listen to Breuer Unleashed on Sirius, and when I get home It’s all TiVo, all the time. So basically, the only timeslot left for music enjoyment is gym time, of which I can only handle about an hour/hour & a half at a time.
Further, I am a crazy-anal-retentive loon, and only being able to select 240 songs at a time is right up my alley. I can work out all sorts of whacked-out playlist schematics on a daily basis.
Another co-worker (and Leslie, ahem) have hinted that I am just settling, that I’d be singing a different tune had I a fancier iPod. BUT I SAY NAY! I am confident that my Shuffle-Acceptance, and dare I say, embracement, is the turn of a new leaf for me.
I think it was Sinead O’Connor who said, “I do not want what I haven’t got.” Or some other unselfish crap, but really, the song remains the same. I’ve hit the downhill skids of my 20’s. I need to spend a little less time planning my “rich life” and a little more time actually enjoying my poor life.
3 comments:
I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.
I thought I’d respond with a Ron Burgundy quote which just felt silly.
I like the blog.
I’m tired of finding the beauty and strength of being poor. I can’t find joy in a puppy’s eyes or a jar of salsa. I’m getting older and I need some substance.
While I have in fact planned out my rich life, a few days I’ve actually lived in it. In attending my company’s corporate functions, for a few hours in my dress I’m as rich as my superiors. I walk the walk and talk the talk of the Queens of social events past. I speak and they linger on my words because they believe what I am saying. Moreover, I believe it. My confidence comes from having nothing left to loose, I have nothing more to offer than what I have already done, and should things go wrong I KNOW I’ll find a way.
That’s what we do, poor people, we find a way.
At midnight, however the carriage turns into the pumpkin (Metro) and I listen to 103 JAMZ on my way back to my miniature size room and then wonder how I’ll wake self up into to get back to real life the next day. My EEVIL stepsister reminds me that I am in fact hired help and my whole reason for being at the ball was to be a servant to the people that in fact sign my paycheck and fund my mediocre way of life. But what if they valued my services the same way they valued their own? Are they in fact stingy? Or do they just believe that luck or sacrifice has somehow brought them their wealth and the only way to maintain it is to hold on with a strangle grip and pray that I keep working and rescuing them?
Oddly enough, a superior’s complaints centered around a centerpiece.
“The flowers are too tall, you can’t see who you are speaking too.”
I thought, “Is this a real issue?” “These centerpieces were 30 bucks a piece.”
How did I go from wondering how I was going to get to and from high school to controversial centerpiece arrangements?
I thought he’s never had to push a brokedown car out of the rain to walk home.
He’s never ate potatoes for a full week.
He’s definitely never had anything repo-ed.
While I am not financially poor, I can eat, drive, and live with all utilities and still afford to fund a Mossimo fashion line from fall (I heart Target).
I guess your 26 year old brain tells you that a 1GB shuffle is all you need.
Even though that maybe the case CA, My 27 year old brain tells me that a 40GB is what I DESERVE. It’s what I WANT. Sure I don’t need it but I want it. I probably could have spent the money on loan repayment, or a charitable cause, but fuck it! I’m getting older and my money is mines.
I'm all for getting some satisfaction where you can. Afterall, I have TWO TiVo's, I've had Satellite radio a full YEAR ahead of Howard Stern's momentous arrival, and I've got a special-edition forrest green cellphone that I'll never be able to justify the cost for, even with the rebate and no matter how many adorable pictures of my cats I take with it.
Though I live most of my life "in the red" financially, I admit I don't want for much.
My Shuffle Epiphany had very little to do with iPods.
It had everything to do with me THINKING I wanted, needed, or deserved something that I wasn't even sure I would want once I got it. Then when I had the perfect opportunity to sample such a thing, all I could think about was getting the bigger, better deal.
No need for the punching of ovaries. I was just sort of disgusted with myself and had to tease it out electronically.
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