I’m a little confused on what it means to be a good friend.
I used to think it was being supportive of their decisions even when it was something bad for them. Then I was told at some point that being a good friend meant telling them the truth even if it was mean or hurtful. I’m not really sure that’s it either. If they end up not talking to you because of ill advice, is it worth always telling the truth?
A few months ago I dipped out of event I promised I’d go to. I was all but dressed and ready, even was outside the location when I changed my mind. When questioned as to why I didn’t go, I told the truth and then was subsequently told, well about myself. It was a generic comment on how to fix my problems with a simple “you need to get over it.” I was angry for a long time (in Leslie time equals 2 weeks) but then realized the truth behind the comment. Do we just not like to hear the truth about ourselves?
I was wounded a few months ago when my co-worker told me I looked like a “wet dream” during job hours. Ick. I was within dress codes, and most found the outfit to be cute, but the fact was: after the comment was made I was unable to function securely in the outfit, without fidgeting continuously looking in the mirror and second guessing myself for the whole week. It’s equivalent is about when your mother says, “you know that skirt is looking a little tight!!” It’s just a little comment, but little enough to tap dance on your nerves.
Do we secretly pick fights with our friends to get them to tell us the truth about ourselves? Or have I forgotten how to be a good friend?
2 comments:
Once, when I was very immmature, I had become increasingly annoyed with my friend Gabriella over time, I brushed her off with a simple "You're CRAZY!" and left her shocked and amazed in the locker booth at the waterpark we both worked at. As a mature adult looking back, I realize I could have had a little more tact, and petered out my grievances rather than shooting my load on one instantly satisfying yet damning tirade.
Note to all friends (near and far, mine or not): declaring someone crazy is NEVER helpful. Sure, you feel all superior and cute, then you can jaunt off to Italy or wherever, but it's just a shitty thing to say. (1. You, nor your boyfriend are a registered therapist and (2. You can never take it back. Put that in one of your little clove cigarettes and smoke it!
PS. You definitely are not OBF. We've established those. If you feel really strongly about categorizing yourself, though, you can be a SBF, which is not (as I just said in my head as typing it) Silent but Funny (fart), but Sometimes Bad Friend. We all are. You're a way better friend for accepting it. Not everyone can be as awesome a friend as me.
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