President Gump?

I read an article today that once again bandied about the idea that people want Tom Hanks to run for president. In it Michael Moore said, “Who wouldn’t vote for Tom Hanks?” So, I set out on my own little extremely unscientific polling mission here at the radio station, and dagnabbit if that fat bastard wasn’t on to something. (It should be noted that it’s okay for me to refer to Michael Moore as a fat bastard because it takes one to know one, etc.)

Of the 19 people I polled, it was 13 to 6 in favor of my favorite Bosom Buddy. My republican boss was LIVID at that statistic. With each “yes” he heard, he would berate them with “But you don’t know his views on anything! He’s an actor!” So I asked him the difference between Tom Hanks and Arnold Schwartzenegger, and the only thing he could say was that Arnold had established himself as a political figure (by running for and winning the California governorship), the same with Ronald Reagan. So, according to his math, all Tom Hanks has to do to win their vote is run for and win the governors office somewhere.

I would totally vote for Tom Hanks. I’d be his South Jersey Campaign Liaison. I’d illegally register to vote in some red states and go vote there. I’d rent a helicopter to ferry me between said states on Voting Day. I’d do anything just to hear him say, “I am not a smart man, but I know what sovereign means.”