Because Leslie threatened to electronically break-up with me, here I am…
Christmas was pretty bangin…I got a Sirius satellite radio (car kit & boombox), a bigger TV for my bedroom so I can stop squinting, a TiVO for my bedroom, a foot spa, new sheets & duvet cover, a New Yorker Subscription (thanks Hench), and a bunch of other stuff. It’s all really a fog now…a sugar enduced fog. We almost staged a coup this morning when my boss strolled in with some sort of cinnamon twisty cake. We simply cannot take any more baked goods, candies, or, really, treats of any kind.
The Christmas Hater in me was roused, though, and it really made me sort of sad. Here’s the deal. My bro and his girlfriend gave me a piece of paper for Christmas that said “One Digital Camera (coming in the mail)”. I was shocked, amazed, and humbled. What a nice gift! Now, I wasn’t expecting some kind of Sony 7.8 megapixel ridiculousness…so when his girlfriend openly fretted that the camera may not be so great, and since she ordered it off the internet she was worried that it would be a piece of crap for crap. I assured her that whatever it was, I’m sure it’s great. Cut to New Year’s Eve when I stopped over there to say hey. The camera had come in the mail. Yeah, it’s a keychain. I really had no idea how to react. The girlfriend immediately started blathering that she thought it would be good since I’m always carrying such small purses (wha, whaaa??) but then my sister got me such a huge purse for Christmas so now it’s silly (like somehow it’s my sister’s fault they got me a laughable excuse for a camera). My brother made a good show of pointing out it’s plusses; that it’s like a spy-camera, that it can take up to 80 pictures, blah blah blah…I was just left sort of cold.
The good person bound and gagged and locked in a cellar somewhere deep in my soul knows that I should be thankful to get any present, as it is much better than a sharp stick in the eye. But the evil, immature, pouty brat knocking the sides of my skull with a wiffle ball bat feels seriously gypped. I don’t want to get into what I spent on them, or how much more than me they both make, or anything like that. I really hate myself for having yucky feelings about the situation, I guess because I have no recourse. I can’t say anything to my brother and I’m not the type that would “show them” by giving them crappy gifts in the future.
What to do, my electronic friends? Or is this it? What are the crappy gifts you’ve gotten?
1 comment:
You sadly are not the only victim of disproportionate gift giving. I had two offenders this year. I will not go into details, except to say that I received a summer sausage and a coffee mug with a kitten on it. These presents are nice, but they wreaked of “regifting.” Nothing says you are a worthless piece of poo than these haphazard presents. I bought these people thoughtful (and costly) presents and received a piece of meat and a cup. I did bring this on myself. I could have bought Christmas cookies or a discontinued sweater after all. I propose lame and un-thoughtful presents be posted on a bulletin board of stingy shame for all to see so a lesson can be learned. I also propose the lame gift giver tell the true reason of why they bought it rather than “I thought it was soooo you!”…What about me makes you think of sausage? Have I ever drank coffee? Do I like kittens? What the hell is wrong with you? If they were me and you wanted to be cheap, then I would have gotten the ingredients for Tacos and some Mt. Dew.
To answer your question though: treat the camera as the red headed step-child of presents. Sentence it to a drawer where it will never be used. When they notice you never using the present perhaps they will take the hint that you do not like “small” things and next year get them something cheap despite the fact that you may love them and are a bigger person.
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