- Use night cream on my face, so that I don't look like a leather handbag by the time I'm 40.
- Get to work on time.
- Cook one new recipe out of my comfort zone a month.
- Maintain last year's weight loss resolution.
- Call and visit my mother as much as possible.
- Be there for my brother.
- Speak to people with my voice as well as my keypad.
- Embrace my inner bitch more often (she's only trying to help.)
- Stop biting my nails!
- Actively pursue new freelance business as if I've never been burned by it before.
January 4, 2010
2010...x 10
I resolve to:
December 22, 2009
December 19, 2009
December 9, 2009
December 8, 2009
Last Holiday - Next Stop Smithsonian...
A fond farewell to the computer that has served(saved) Me for 6 years, someone prior to Me for 3, and a monitor that has shifted from designer to designer for 10! If there is a heaven for Macs - you'd be on the highest cloud.
Godspeed old friend - OEF's early blogs and *REDACTED* company thanks you.
December 7, 2009
OEF SCIENTISTS: Christmas 2009
I survived the war against Christmas. Last year, I mounted a successful embargo against body lotions and re-gifted earl gray tea. This year I thought I'd bring you: Surviving the Holidays: Recession 2009. Since one of the things most of my loyal readers won't be getting is .......a raise.
What you'll need:
Sharpie & One blank sheet of paper
Take your sharpie and make a list of all the people you normally buy presents for. Below that start a list of all the people that buy presents for you.
Circle the names that are the same in both lists. The circles represent your list targets. You'll find your shopping lists will have shrunk exponentially when you realize who actually cared enough for you the year before to give you a material object.
Now, look at your list and make some further deductions.
Are you targets: couples? w/children? elderly? or age-confused-peter-pans?
If you target is a family - focus on the children only as Christmas is for kids and the "family" will most likely only give YOU one present. Scratch the adult parents off your list. The grandparents have already deemed the grand-baby more important - so it's okay for you to do the same to your friends.
A Sam's Club wholesale kinda holiday!
Tired of running around looking for that perfect sweater for that sorta friend in accounting? Buy something in bulk and distribute! This idea (copped from my grandma) is one for the ages. Who doesn't like soda? Buy 2 or 3 cases and wrap each can individually. I know I'd welcome a Pepsi Max with open arms, especially if it had a bow on it.
Christmas Cards are a numbers game.
Much like resumes, you have to send out 78 to get one back. If you want some cards you best be sending 'em out already to everyone on your Facebook roster.
Sometimes the cards come back with gift cards in them - so do NOT doubt the power of the card.
Bonus Tip!!
If you are not married or a member of a family - make up one by pluralizing your name.
I.E. - Merry Christmas from the Ostrichs.
It's the recipient's job to figure out which other Ostricheses there are besides you. It'll add a much needed mystery and confusion to an otherwise blase holiday card.
When did Bob get married? I didn't even know he was seeing anyone?? Is he talking about his mom??
Finally - if you forget someone or simply can't afford to shop. Remember you can always cite the recession as a reason. The ratio of un/underemployed workers is doubling and focus has been on saving and trending away from frivolous consumer products. If you have a job, why should you be any different?
It's not about presents - its about your presence.
October 20, 2009
Some things never change!
Saad is taking a feminism class at GMU, and last night he brought home an interesting article from the May 1955 issue of Housekeeping Monthly. The article is entitled "The good wife's guide." It is a list of tips for being a good wife.
I'd love to take a moment to share some of these jewels (just the most important ones). Who knows, maybe they will inspire us to be better partners, sisters, roomates, etc.!
Join me on this fun and informational journey won't you? It's going to blow your mind!
1. Prepare yourself (editor's note: you'll need to prepare yourself for this b.s.). Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
2. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
3. Prepare the children...They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
4. Listen to him. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
5. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
6. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Seems like good advice right?
Oh, I almost forgot.
7. A good wife always knows her place.
I only have one question. Where the hell did husbands work back then? Sounds like they went to war every day.
I think those wives could have used a few Mouthy Broads as inspiration.
I'd love to take a moment to share some of these jewels (just the most important ones). Who knows, maybe they will inspire us to be better partners, sisters, roomates, etc.!
Join me on this fun and informational journey won't you? It's going to blow your mind!
1. Prepare yourself (editor's note: you'll need to prepare yourself for this b.s.). Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
2. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
3. Prepare the children...They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
4. Listen to him. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
5. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
6. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Seems like good advice right?
Oh, I almost forgot.
7. A good wife always knows her place.
I only have one question. Where the hell did husbands work back then? Sounds like they went to war every day.
I think those wives could have used a few Mouthy Broads as inspiration.
October 19, 2009
Howloday Momtography
After watching the food network for 4 consecutive hours (My mother is a huge Iron Chef fan), I was inspired to do some extreme "on the clock" pumpkin carving. I posted the pumpkins I made to Lavaponyland, its a witch and a skull. I thought these pics were kinda funny though.
Here Baby literally defends the table against wood be intruders. Her ears are back, indicating her intent to attack anyone messing with the orange "turkeys". Once she realized these weren't indeed turkeys, she became substantially less confrontational.
My mom, trying to capture the before and after shots of the pumpkins manages to stand directly in front of the retina-scalding sun. There are 4 other pictures where my eyes are either completely closed, watering, or I'm grimacing from ocular pain.
Stieglitz takes a rare moment to get in front of the camera. I suppose I'm not much good at portraits either. We're still working out the night settings on our Nikon Coolpix cameras.
October 15, 2009
All I do is rant
Whole Foods, why has nobody taught you the art of the hot bar/salad bar?
Your problems start with the type of container you offer. Heavyweight cardboard, with no section dividers? Considering your hot bar/salad bar is $7.99/lb, shouldn't you be providing the lightest container possible? You should deduct $1.50 from the price to account for the weight of the container. Also, no dividers? Do I want the juice from the General Tso's chicken mixing with my cheddar cheese mashed potatoes? No. So I'm forced to use several different containers, which means I pay more because I am charged for the weight of each container.
And what is with your salad bar? Where is the cheddar cheese? The bacon bits, or the diced ham? Where is the Italian dressing? What exactly is "Thai" dressing (peanut sauce or something??) and why is it available instead of Italian? And don't tell me that you offer Balsamic Vinaigrette instead. So not the same! And why are there so many vegan and vegetarian
options and hardly any for us predators? (Vegan beef? Isn't that an oxymoron?) Look, I have an open stomach, but I know what I like when it comes to salads...and garbanzo beans it ain't.
And where is the damn shredded cheddar cheese? Why is it ok to eat cheddar cheese mashed potatoes, or fancy shells and cheese, but putting cheese on a salad is a no-no? That doesn't make sense!
While I'll admit that the steamed green beans were delicious, and the southwestern beef salad was OMGheaveninmymouth, my hot food was cold and my cold food was warm by the time I got back to work. No, it is not your fault that I work too far away from your store location, but it is your fault that I couldn't sit in your seating area and eat my food.
Why? Because you don't have cold sodas at your location! What if I don't want to drink tea, or juice, or Smartwater! (Do I look like Jennifer Anniston?) What if I want to wash down my healthy salad with soda? I need caffeine damn you. Who are you to imply that I shouldn't drink
soda? Also, I had to go back to my office because I had some Italian dressing there.
And why was my total $16.19?? For some lettuce, tomatoes, and carrots. Three pieces of General Tso's chicken, some shells & cheese, green beans and mashed potatoes. No drink, no salad dressing. $16.19?? Really, now I know why people call it Whole Paycheck.
Oh wait, I forgot the cardboard boxes. And the fancy paper bag (which proclaims that if I reuse this bag next time, you'll give me $.05. Wow! Can I just get some cheddar cheese instead?).
Next time, I'm going to McDonald's.
Your problems start with the type of container you offer. Heavyweight cardboard, with no section dividers? Considering your hot bar/salad bar is $7.99/lb, shouldn't you be providing the lightest container possible? You should deduct $1.50 from the price to account for the weight of the container. Also, no dividers? Do I want the juice from the General Tso's chicken mixing with my cheddar cheese mashed potatoes? No. So I'm forced to use several different containers, which means I pay more because I am charged for the weight of each container.
And what is with your salad bar? Where is the cheddar cheese? The bacon bits, or the diced ham? Where is the Italian dressing? What exactly is "Thai" dressing (peanut sauce or something??) and why is it available instead of Italian? And don't tell me that you offer Balsamic Vinaigrette instead. So not the same! And why are there so many vegan and vegetarian
options and hardly any for us predators? (Vegan beef? Isn't that an oxymoron?) Look, I have an open stomach, but I know what I like when it comes to salads...and garbanzo beans it ain't.
And where is the damn shredded cheddar cheese? Why is it ok to eat cheddar cheese mashed potatoes, or fancy shells and cheese, but putting cheese on a salad is a no-no? That doesn't make sense!
While I'll admit that the steamed green beans were delicious, and the southwestern beef salad was OMGheaveninmymouth, my hot food was cold and my cold food was warm by the time I got back to work. No, it is not your fault that I work too far away from your store location, but it is your fault that I couldn't sit in your seating area and eat my food.
Why? Because you don't have cold sodas at your location! What if I don't want to drink tea, or juice, or Smartwater! (Do I look like Jennifer Anniston?) What if I want to wash down my healthy salad with soda? I need caffeine damn you. Who are you to imply that I shouldn't drink
soda? Also, I had to go back to my office because I had some Italian dressing there.
And why was my total $16.19?? For some lettuce, tomatoes, and carrots. Three pieces of General Tso's chicken, some shells & cheese, green beans and mashed potatoes. No drink, no salad dressing. $16.19?? Really, now I know why people call it Whole Paycheck.
Oh wait, I forgot the cardboard boxes. And the fancy paper bag (which proclaims that if I reuse this bag next time, you'll give me $.05. Wow! Can I just get some cheddar cheese instead?).
Next time, I'm going to McDonald's.
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