Our Electronic Friendship

Way Past Perpendicular - Hurricane Irere

2011-09-29T10:27:00.000-04:00

**This blog entry is sooper late - but bear with me..I thought I was quitting!

Behold the horror and misspelling of IRERE! (IRENE'S hood cousin!)

While chatting with Hench today - it occurred to me that I may want to recap the mysticism of Hurricane Irene for posterity and capture the logic of my alter ego..the birthday princess.

To understand Tidewater residents especially Norfolk people, you must understand a few things.

1. Norfolk floods like you see on TV all the time. Especially downtown. If you live in an area that floods like that ..odds are you should permanently evacuate that housing situation. My last job on Hampton Boulevard found me constantly finding new and innovative ways to skirt, ski, skate, slide, or slip past ponding rivers and instant lakes. So now anytime rain falls from the sky the navigational system in my brain kicks into "rerouting" mode. (I literally hear the Magellan girl saying.. reroute to blah blah blah.)

2. Local news vs. National news forecasts were different. Please please don't misinterpret this - thank heavens we have someone to tell us "shits about to get crazy". Some people were not fortunate. Local news said: similiar to Isobel, power loss, tidal flooding (if you live in area that floods), risk of tornado - no lightning due to the speed of the storm..winds have caused downgrade from Cat 2 to Cat 1. Although A. Fox is a madman and gave us the magical fingers in door demonstration of geometry.

And the new Norfolk catch phrase "past perpendicular."

National news said: EVACUATE! STORM BIG AS ASIA! 60 MILLION PEOPLE! SKY IS FALLING! And Virginia Beach residents took advantage of what we actually seen outside and responded like this.

3. The actuality of the day(s) preceding and the event itself was again very different HERE than what the TV was cooking up. All through my birthday (celebrated with unicorn horns and a feast of sorts from my good friend G), my family was texting to GET OUT. And I was like "what in the world!, PFF! I'm in heaven why would I leave??" Crazy talk. That and I had about 8 dollars to my name - no money for friggin gas (I think this is why poor people fair worst in these things..it's not like I (we) have a horse and wagon out back or a hotel fund...scoff.) That and I just furnished my house - my selfish side said "we will float away on top of the sofa, tv and the Apple."

4. The fact that the 25th was my birthday - somehow overruled the logic of mother nature. This is very stupid, but when "the fever" and a natural disaster hits at the same time: then you can tell me how you bravely forgot about yourself and drove off into the middle of nowhere.

In the days following - the water dried up probably faster than ever before. My neighborhood lost two trees and one beloved member of my flower bed met it's doom (my favorite f*n flower). I learned that Norfolk's power/electrical grid has a priority list and apparently people that live near Cogans, Doumars, and No Frill Grill are not on that priority last. I also learned that people that live near hospitals are not spared either - it's just usually the case that those locations have some sorta back up power implementation in place.

The next hurricane I may drive home..or start working out more for my own showing on the weather channel - especially if it's on my birthday.

2011-09-29T00:24:00.002-04:00

580 pixels - check dimensions tomorrow.

I'm not asking you to leave.....

2011-08-01T15:52:00.001-04:00

I really loved this silly little blog for a time. And as silly as cliche's are, I really wanted to say peace out instead of just disappearing off somewhere else. You see OEF was here before Friendster, Myspace, Facebook, Twitter.. It was this happy retreat where I could share my life. Fast forward to present: there are too many ways to share and like that guy in college.. I am now "the 30 year old". People are more single serve cones and like their life experiences in 140 characters or less.

I'm still too lazy to communicate the old fashioned way - i.e. the phone. I still see Hench and G in cyberspace (everyday) and occasionally in real life. That being said - I started this blog with a group and it feels odd to jabber on here in a solo capacity. I came to this conclusion oddly enough watching the Temptations concert at Town Point Park, and then felt robbed when I found out it was only one member of the Temptations. I shivered thinking: OEF featuring Leslie...or myself standing by the microphone with two empty mikes by my side. It's the same old song, but a different meaning since you've been gone..

You can still find me over in Lavaponyland and on Facebook and I'm going to eventually start my own solo writing blog when the time permits. It'll probably be lists of things I like or song lyrics..or lists of things I f*kn hate! Or maybe more of the same.

It's been real y'all.

The critical hour...

2011-06-17T15:37:00.000-04:00

I'm trying desperately hard to keep my eyes open at my place of employment in these last 2 hours (120 minutes). I don't want to resort to Red Bull or 5 hour energy (pretty sure I'm at the conclusion of a crash from said beverages). I seriously feel like one of those kids from the Nightmare on Elm Street movies, except instead of Freddie Krueger, I'm facing something much scarier...UNEMPLOYMENT.

Just kidding..but seriously. So tired...not bored..just sleepy. Energy where are YOU!!!?

Moving Day...

2011-06-02T16:34:00.000-04:00

From Everlong by the Foo Fighers...

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
Got to promise not to stop when I say when

I normally don't post song lyrics as entries..but how else to sum up the close of a Leslie Era, but with a song that it began with.

Wax Ecstatic

2011-05-11T10:48:00.001-04:00

Wow, remind me to never post directly after a wine festival (or for the record visit stores I frequent during the non-intoxicated work week). Apparently my drunk logic lends itself to curious nostalgic emo. I'm also submitting this image (stolen from Lani's wall) to verify that I should wear sundresses more often, and dark large black glasses instantly make you anonymous in a crowd.

Nothing epic to write home about today so far. Lots of work - BUT - I will give THOR - the Leslie stamp of approval. Also oddly, this is the 3rd feature length movie I've watched (at all recently) and all 3 have had Natalie Portman in them. Not by active choice but by fate. I'm curious to see if she cameos in Bridesmaids and Harry Potter just to keep the streak running.

On whale painted parking lots...

2011-05-04T08:57:00.001-04:00

I had been looking for awhile to find something joyous in the elevator and parking lot situation at the new jobby and this morning I found it. In pouring rain, I have no outside transition from car to office. There is now garage, lobby, elevator, desk. Which = dry non-pooftastic-Mufasa hair.

Still nothing positive to relay on elevators.

Where we last left off....

2011-04-20T14:46:00.003-04:00

What I really need to insert right here is a montage video (which I'm learning how to make...so soon very soon). To make a long story short - I got a new job. I blogged about my hopes and goals for 2011 on my other blog. Which I silently call my "Kelly Rowland" blog because Gardler and Hench are this blog's Beyonces.

I miss writing here and am getting encouraged to write again - and so hesitantly I'm going to try to come back again.. one more time - so let's start with an old email to get everyone back up to speed..This is from January, but it works well for a then to now.

Greetings Scoobies,
I was seriously settling down to respond to each of you in slightly different ways, but since I'm telling the same story over and over again. I thought this might be a better option.

Sorry I've been "off the grid" recently - no phone calls, no texts, barely an email.

I started my new job Monday and privacy comes at a shortage here. They are doing construction, and while I'll have my own space soon (March) I don't have it now. We are packed in here tight..and I am sitting less than a foot away from the marketing vice president! So it's not in my best interest at the moment to spend too much time on my phone or even in gmail. Much like Rock Band, I have to "win the crowd" to stay in the game. Anyhoo, currently I'm running two programs off a tiny laptop on a table in the center of the room. I'll return to your social Leslie as soon as I can...hopefully Feb. (or even mid Jan.) but for right now - I'm texting in the quiet spaces of the ladies room. (Hence the non response or Leslie under fire texts).

While the logistics situation isn't optimal I'm really enjoying the nature of the work and the design projects.

My graphics counterparts are talented and they both bring different things (video editing, flash, an awesome font collection) to the table and I think there's alot I could learn from them. I even hesitantly showed someone a powerpoint trick yesterday, but since they are doing this themselves...I'm trying to keep the ppt secret hidden as long as I can. (Forever if at all possible.) It's cool for me because I'm knowledgeable about print aspects of gd so I've been helping them package media kits and get things ready for the printer.

Given my limited technology situation at the moment - I've only been given a few small tasks, but even small is not small as it has to be approved through a marketing team (reminds me of working for the paper again). And they really pay attention to resolution, colors, if something is offensive..etc. etc.

----- insert elevator music in the section where the primary details are..sorry stalkers...I won't list that on here ever ------------------

At any rate, miss you all - and hope to be back track (socially, lux lunching etc ..by Feb).

Peace and grooviness

- Leslie

Eat, Netflix, Wii

2010-11-07T09:40:00.000-05:00

I’d been trying to read “Eat, Pray, Love” for nearly 3 weeks now. It’s a good book, nothing boring or difficult to break through like say, the entire section describing hobbit feet in the Lord of the Rings books. But - I have pretty much read everything lying around the book. This month’s Lucky, Rolling Stone, the 9th Sookie Stackhouse book (which by the way I have yet to finish the others, but this one seems to catch my attention.)

Maybe I’m just not into transcendency, or maybe I am just not a traveller.

Leslie Journal 9.10.10

2010-10-07T19:46:00.002-04:00

(Yes this is October, but I’m writing...let’s focus on that!!)

Tacos consumed: 3
Free Sandwichs from work lunch tray: 2

New things I must purchase based on recent accidental discoveries: Pesto Sauce & Olive Dip

Birthday presents for others consumed today: 1 (shameful, but an unfortunate pitfall of buying something for someone else that you are obviously aware is fabulous) In my defense, I have tried to deliver said present on 3 separate occassions. Now I will have to buy it all over again.

Today’s Events:
On CC’s -
I was charged an annual fee for my Best Buy Card which I’ve only possessed since March. So apparently Best Buy’s year is not the accustomed 12 months, I mean because it’s like September. So I wrote them a note of my disdain, reminded them of what a good client I’ve been, and basically got back a very pleasantly written “rules are rules, now pay up bitch.” And so I will pay up and cancel my account tomorrow and most likely (despite really liking the store)..never return there again. Which is truly a shame, because I just got a Wii and would have loved to have purchased some games I couldn’t necessarily have found at Wally World or Target. They won’t be losing thousands of dollars, but at least hundreds of dollars.

On refined sensibilities and wine -
Took the time to research and purchase a medley of wines with actual flavors and differing consistenctencies. I figured after years of stumbling idly through a medly of $2 offerings from various happy hours, I owed it to myself to find that wine that the television sophisticates enjoy (usually in a bubble bath while reading, I’m not that coordinated). And finally.... tonight I can declare a winner from both red and white wine sectors..drumroll and trophy goes to Horton Vineyards - Niagara (White) and Eclipse (Red). Goodbye Sutter Home.

Ode to Teacups

2010-07-25T12:58:00.003-04:00

My wordsmith friend Jenn wrote me (and our group) a poem using Pantera's Cowboys from Hell as a starting point to honor a recent visit to Busch Gardens. Since I rarely get poems or group trips to Busch Gardens. I thought it deserved a proper home here on OEF versus Facebook wall posts from days past. Plus it’s a fairly accurate recap of a very fun day in addition to it’s mad rhyme skills.

Call a girl!

31 x 31: UPDATE

2010-07-23T20:59:00.001-04:00

Last year around June, I published my 31 x 31 list. Nearing 32 now, I achieved several of these small goals. I thought I'd take a moment to recap, and add some bonus's that have helped me out alot this year. The Italics were the things I'd accomplished already, the blues are now the one's I've finished more recently. The other bolds I still need help with....ahem. :)

So friends..here is my list, help me if you can/want to:
1. Ride Motorcycle (preferably drive one, but baby steps...)
2. Ride Mechanical Bull
3. Get a Tattoo

4. Increase income substantially.

5. Restore outdoor garden!! (poor flowers! I failed thee)

6. 31 Brand New Drawings
7. Post my website. www.lesliepaxton.com
8. See the Grand Canyon (Larry!!)
9. See Chicago
10. Bling Team Field Trip
11. Conquer Gryffon at Busch Gardens.
12. Take some friggin classes!
13. See Barack Obama speak (live)
14. Go Camping and Tubing!
15. Cook something difficult (lamb?)
16. Read Twilight Series (for fun).
17. Take mom to Red Lobster as a surprise (must be a surprise!!)
18. HOST a party.
19. Bloc Party AGAIN
20. Learn a real dance - something fancy.

21. Get paid for a freelance.

22. Cancel useless bills.
23. Professional Sports Game (any sport, whichever one avails itself)
24. Run a marathon (Rock'n Roll is looking good).
25. Fix a broken friendship.
26. Complete the big family book.
27. Dive! (versus ungraceful cannonball flops)
28. Hiking
29. Comiccon!
30. Paintball
31 & 32 are "personal". Sorry team I have to do those on my own. ;)

It's getting there. Maybe by 33?

Random post

2010-06-11T06:24:00.005-04:00

A couple of months ago, I randomly came across a blog that is written by a woman who is trying to conceive. I had some free time at work, so I poured through her posts, starting with the oldest posts and working my way toward the present day. She has been writing the blog since 2007.

She seemingly has no problems getting pregnant, the babies just don't "stick," as she refers to it. I keep going back occasionally, hoping that she has announced that she is pregnant. Instead, she is still talking about fertility drugs and test results. Her sister is pregnant and she talks about coming to terms with that. Sometimes she sounds bitter (who could blame her?), but most of the time she is still hopeful. Sometimes she even talks about having twins.

She has many many links to other blogs written by women in her situation. Some have never conceived and some conceive and lose the babies. When I have down time, or sometimes on my lunch break, I randomly read some of these blogs.

I don't know what the point of this post is, I am just really touched by these blogs. They seem to be constantly on the back of my mind. I'm just in awe that these women keep trying and are so hopeful. I hope they all

Anyway, sorry for the random post...I've been up since 3 am!

Notes on Confidence

2010-06-09T21:14:00.002-04:00

Keep your head up.
This is problematic as I am constantly covering my mouth like Miss Celie.
Hold your hands in a steeple gesture (together pointing) while listening.
If I flapped my arms anymore than I do already, I would take flight.
Keep your movements to a minimum, don't fidget.
See Above.
If you don't agree, STATE SO.
I avoid conflict at all costs, this goes against my nature!
Speak up, don't let others finish YOUR SENTENCE, remember sentence completion leads to self esteem.
I guess, but sometimes its sorta nice when someone actually knows what I am talking about
When meeting someone new - explain what you do, then company name, then your own name.
I see the logic here, this used to happen in college alot.

While rummaging through some old paperwork in my office drawer, I found I'd actually written down some helpful hints I found in a forward. I thought I'd post them here (and my subsequent arguments to each) before I committed the sticky note to the round file.

Leslie Journal May 15-16

2010-05-17T07:38:00.000-04:00

Weight: 1_0
Number of Coke Zeros consumed: 12
Insect bites acquired in a 20 minute walk around the block: 9
Number of "attempted" runs up Mt. Trashmore: 2
New TV taken in: Pregnant at 70, Pregnant and Paralyzed, and Pregnant and morbidly Obese --then a switch over to VH-1 for Tough Love Couples, What Chilli Wants, and Brandy and RJ.

I spent most of Saturday looking for old letters my mom wrote to add to a scrapbook, ironically I put them away not to lose and have lost them even worse. :? I'm vowing to speak to St. Anthony this evening to see if we can work on this problem.

My nephews each took turns testing my endurace with a veritable obstacle course of activities this weekend, I took 6 ibuprofen, a women's 1-a-day and a red bull and attempted to make them "tired."

LJ ran up and down Mt. Trashmore 3 times. I did once. I did however, cheer enthusiastically and hobble to the top. On the other side - we "discovered" a wooden kingdom of sorts where LJ encouraged me to follow him. I got stuck twice on the slides and was reminded of childhood and why I stopped riding slides.

Teri enjoys being strolled and listening to my ipod, so that was relaxing the first walk around. By walk number 7 of cheering and clapping - I begin to think I was being featured in a physical fitness montage sequence. FYI: there is never just one thing that you can do with children. Running, playing, eating - it's just like Doritos..if you spin them once you must spin them 50 x.

Cam and I celebrated our first hour of non-crying (wailing) - I was awarded a smile, a burp, and then 2 hours of screaming and crying. I have not given up on Cam. I did however drink half a bottle of wine and fall asleep in the living room...when his parents got home of course.

:)

I hear it screaming loud, over everything somehow

2010-05-03T10:39:00.003-04:00

A quick music recco, if you're like me, and like when there's lotsa people singing at once.

A Test Frequency

2010-04-28T15:15:00.002-04:00

After many, many months in seclusion, I sorta feel like re-entering the blogging game. One of the reasons I've been gone is my inability to easily blog from a computer that may or may not reside in a building in which I may or may not be employed. So I'm testing out this blogger-by-email feature again. If it works, there's a possibility of more communicae from me in the days, weeks, months, & even years to come.

No promises, tho.

The place where you forget about deadlines..

2010-04-17T09:40:00.000-04:00

...and happy hour..and other things of little consequence.

I wish you would,

2010-04-06T20:58:00.004-04:00

come back, that is.

Just got back into town after a 3-day Easter break. Although maybe I shouldn't reference Easter. We did nothing with eggs and as far as religion is concerned; I just barely drove by the local church to see its' members up on the cross.

At any rate, the title of this blog post is referencing an episode of "The Office" - where Jim has left Scranton and returned to Scranton and he's telling Pam that while he came back..he never really "came back". Pam laments that she wishes he would "come back". As I hope we will return to semi regular blogging.

While I keep writing, I've not been "posting". I blame the superior strength firewall at the place I may or may not work and general computer exhaustion in the afternoons.

I'd considered cheating on blogger with word press just so we could all post without the worry of firewall, but it comes at a price (literally) and I'm cutting bills here and there...can't really afford to create ANY new bill. It's also a tricky thing moving posts and hoping everything moves over just right. It's too dangerous to tinker with 7 years of memories, rantings, celebrations, and midnight epiphanies. At least not until we publish our book. Blogger in Drafts solves a lot of my frustrations for free.

I've been toiling late at night in Flash & Dreamweaver - which is not as intuitive as one would think. But I'm getting it. I will have a "leslie-built" pfolio site up by my birthday. In the meantime, I will blog here once a week. If I have time to post witty facebookings..I have time to elaborate on them.

Tonight - (which could be a separate post)
I basically had green onions, pickles, and zinfandel in my fridge upon my return from Covington. My mom gave me a TV to "replace" my current TV (which isn't broken). I'm not completely sure why it's here, but it is and I think the kitchen should be it's home. We now have terrible neighbors on both sides of my townhouse and I'm googling the Norfolk police number. I'm getting too old to be the mature, let it slide type and I have to go to work tomorrow.

Read something funny at a gas station (where I was forced to stop due to rest area closures in VA).

"Restroom customers, please honor us with a purchase as well as your POO. Thanks so much!"
-
the management.

I'll leave with that thought.
Goodbye and Gnite

It is hot in my house and I

2010-01-31T18:40:00.004-05:00

am sorta tired of the snow.

The novelty of "snow in Norfolk" wore off very quickly after 8 hours of eating, reading, and general couching. For starters, my neighbors let their puppies outside to do their business for like 12 hours in the wintry mix. I say let them out loosely, I think the puppies got out and no one watched them because their masters were out partying. I heard whimpering at 4, 5, 6, & 7 am - and looked around outside to not see anything. The whimpering became a howl - so I found some snow boots, and some warmer pajama pants and trudged out to find a tiny dogcicle under one of my lawn chairs. He'd been out so long his paws were starting to curl under. I knocked on the door for a solid 20 minutes until I got a very sleepy (stoned) Swamp Donkey to answer. Fearing I would say something vicious - I just handed her her dog and said, "Here's your dog, you may want to actually watch your pets". It is my sincerest hope that swamp donkey never breeds as I'm certain she would be one of those mothers that would leave her baby in the car.

Note: I only found one dog - puppy numero dos is still missing and I worry when it does heat back up someone is going to find a frozen spaniel hidden someplace it might have tried to get warm.

Gripe number two comes from my general madness over other humans who must drive despite everything being shut down. Nothing is open. Where are you going? The one ihop on Battlefield? or perhaps the Outback in Portsmouth? Why?

Gripe number three - None of the secondary roads have been scraped. NONE. 7 Trucks for 7 cities = one for each city. I can't even walk around my neighborhood without sliding, much less jog or drive. Could we maybe just get some salt?

I think I'm getting old - because the novelty of winter weather is wearing thin on me. The prettiness of the snow lasted for about 4 hours, before I found I was tired of Lucky Charms, Pizza Snacks, and social networking.

I think I'm going to delete my Myspace page tonight or tomorrow. Because I am old-weirdly bored-stressed-neurotic and thats one less thing I want to worry about these days.

FML - My Electronic Life

2010-01-13T22:29:00.004-05:00

This morning at nine, I began searching for a font to match a provided flattened logo I needed to edit. I alternate time to time whether to start A's and go forward, Z's and go backward, and M's and alternate.

I opted to start with the Z's in my font library*.

* It's important to note I have over 5,000 fonts.
The font that turned out to be the match was Aardvark Cafe (7 hours later)

...which starts with an A.

FML. :(

Just when you thought it was safe..

2010-01-05T19:57:00.003-05:00

Oh casserole.

2010...x 10

2010-01-04T07:17:00.004-05:00

I resolve to:

Use night cream on my face, so that I don't look like a leather handbag by the time I'm 40.
Get to work on time.
Cook one new recipe out of my comfort zone a month.
Maintain last year's weight loss resolution.
Call and visit my mother as much as possible.
Be there for my brother.
Speak to people with my voice as well as my keypad.
Embrace my inner bitch more often (she's only trying to help.)
Stop biting my nails!
Actively pursue new freelance business as if I've never been burned by it before.

2 Days Left!

2009-12-22T20:44:00.000-05:00

Winter Blast 2009 (From Norfolk)

2009-12-19T10:00:00.001-05:00

Nearly 6 inches of RAIN has fallen.

Winter Blast 2009 (From Covington)

2009-12-19T09:55:00.001-05:00

:) Merry Christmas

2009-12-09T10:15:00.003-05:00

No deep thoughts - just love my tree and my nephew(s).

Last Holiday - Next Stop Smithsonian...

2009-12-08T21:34:00.004-05:00

A fond farewell to the computer that has served(saved) Me for 6 years, someone prior to Me for 3, and a monitor that has shifted from designer to designer for 10! If there is a heaven for Macs - you'd be on the highest cloud.

Godspeed old friend - OEF's early blogs and *REDACTED* company thanks you.

OEF SCIENTISTS: Christmas 2009

2009-12-07T19:47:00.015-05:00

I survived the war against Christmas. Last year, I mounted a successful embargo against body lotions and re-gifted earl gray tea. This year I thought I'd bring you: Surviving the Holidays: Recession 2009. Since one of the things most of my loyal readers won't be getting is .......a raise.

What you'll need:
Sharpie & One blank sheet of paper
Take your sharpie and make a list of all the people you normally buy presents for. Below that start a list of all the people that buy presents for you.
Circle the names that are the same in both lists. The circles represent your list targets. You'll find your shopping lists will have shrunk exponentially when you realize who actually cared enough for you the year before to give you a material object.

Now, look at your list and make some further deductions.
Are you targets: couples? w/children? elderly? or age-confused-peter-pans?

If you target is a family - focus on the children only as Christmas is for kids and the "family" will most likely only give YOU one present. Scratch the adult parents off your list. The grandparents have already deemed the grand-baby more important - so it's okay for you to do the same to your friends.
A Sam's Club wholesale kinda holiday!
Tired of running around looking for that perfect sweater for that sorta friend in accounting? Buy something in bulk and distribute! This idea (copped from my grandma) is one for the ages. Who doesn't like soda? Buy 2 or 3 cases and wrap each can individually. I know I'd welcome a Pepsi Max with open arms, especially if it had a bow on it.
Christmas Cards are a numbers game.
Much like resumes, you have to send out 78 to get one back. If you want some cards you best be sending 'em out already to everyone on your Facebook roster.
Sometimes the cards come back with gift cards in them - so do NOT doubt the power of the card.

Bonus Tip!!
If you are not married or a member of a family - make up one by pluralizing your name.
I.E. - Merry Christmas from the Ostrichs.
It's the recipient's job to figure out which other Ostricheses there are besides you. It'll add a much needed mystery and confusion to an otherwise blase holiday card.

When did Bob get married? I didn't even know he was seeing anyone?? Is he talking about his mom??

Finally - if you forget someone or simply can't afford to shop. Remember you can always cite the recession as a reason. The ratio of un/underemployed workers is doubling and focus has been on saving and trending away from frivolous consumer products. If you have a job, why should you be any different?

It's not about presents - its about your presence.

Some things never change!

2009-10-20T21:48:00.004-04:00

Saad is taking a feminism class at GMU, and last night he brought home an interesting article from the May 1955 issue of Housekeeping Monthly. The article is entitled "The good wife's guide." It is a list of tips for being a good wife.

I'd love to take a moment to share some of these jewels (just the most important ones). Who knows, maybe they will inspire us to be better partners, sisters, roomates, etc.!

Join me on this fun and informational journey won't you? It's going to blow your mind!

1. Prepare yourself (editor's note: you'll need to prepare yourself for this b.s.). Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

2. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

3. Prepare the children...They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

4. Listen to him. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

5. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

6. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Seems like good advice right?

Oh, I almost forgot.

7. A good wife always knows her place.

I only have one question. Where the hell did husbands work back then? Sounds like they went to war every day.

I think those wives could have used a few Mouthy Broads as inspiration.

Howloday Momtography

2009-10-19T22:51:00.006-04:00

After watching the food network for 4 consecutive hours (My mother is a huge Iron Chef fan), I was inspired to do some extreme "on the clock" pumpkin carving. I posted the pumpkins I made to Lavaponyland, its a witch and a skull. I thought these pics were kinda funny though.

Here Baby literally defends the table against wood be intruders. Her ears are back, indicating her intent to attack anyone messing with the orange "turkeys". Once she realized these weren't indeed turkeys, she became substantially less confrontational.

My mom, trying to capture the before and after shots of the pumpkins manages to stand directly in front of the retina-scalding sun. There are 4 other pictures where my eyes are either completely closed, watering, or I'm grimacing from ocular pain.

Stieglitz takes a rare moment to get in front of the camera. I suppose I'm not much good at portraits either. We're still working out the night settings on our Nikon Coolpix cameras.

All I do is rant

2009-10-15T19:48:00.003-04:00

Whole Foods, why has nobody taught you the art of the hot bar/salad bar?

Your problems start with the type of container you offer. Heavyweight cardboard, with no section dividers? Considering your hot bar/salad bar is $7.99/lb, shouldn't you be providing the lightest container possible? You should deduct $1.50 from the price to account for the weight of the container. Also, no dividers? Do I want the juice from the General Tso's chicken mixing with my cheddar cheese mashed potatoes? No. So I'm forced to use several different containers, which means I pay more because I am charged for the weight of each container.

And what is with your salad bar? Where is the cheddar cheese? The bacon bits, or the diced ham? Where is the Italian dressing? What exactly is "Thai" dressing (peanut sauce or something??) and why is it available instead of Italian? And don't tell me that you offer Balsamic Vinaigrette instead. So not the same! And why are there so many vegan and vegetarian
options and hardly any for us predators? (Vegan beef? Isn't that an oxymoron?) Look, I have an open stomach, but I know what I like when it comes to salads...and garbanzo beans it ain't.

And where is the damn shredded cheddar cheese? Why is it ok to eat cheddar cheese mashed potatoes, or fancy shells and cheese, but putting cheese on a salad is a no-no? That doesn't make sense!

While I'll admit that the steamed green beans were delicious, and the southwestern beef salad was OMGheaveninmymouth, my hot food was cold and my cold food was warm by the time I got back to work. No, it is not your fault that I work too far away from your store location, but it is your fault that I couldn't sit in your seating area and eat my food.

Why? Because you don't have cold sodas at your location! What if I don't want to drink tea, or juice, or Smartwater! (Do I look like Jennifer Anniston?) What if I want to wash down my healthy salad with soda? I need caffeine damn you. Who are you to imply that I shouldn't drink
soda? Also, I had to go back to my office because I had some Italian dressing there.

And why was my total $16.19?? For some lettuce, tomatoes, and carrots. Three pieces of General Tso's chicken, some shells & cheese, green beans and mashed potatoes. No drink, no salad dressing. $16.19?? Really, now I know why people call it Whole Paycheck.

Oh wait, I forgot the cardboard boxes. And the fancy paper bag (which proclaims that if I reuse this bag next time, you'll give me $.05. Wow! Can I just get some cheddar cheese instead?).

Next time, I'm going to McDonald's.

Scary Movies in the City

2009-10-12T12:52:00.002-04:00

I was explaining to my friend Marcia after leaving "Zombieland" at the movies, that I never went to the movies to see a scary movie until I came to the 757. This was mainly due to the knowledge that I would a. exit local theatre into TOTAL DARKNESS, b. drive into more WOODED DARKNESS, c. followed by a hasty exit down a long secluded driveway into BLACKEST BLACK DARKNESS. Despite the 757's tendencies towards muggings and inner city crime, it's still somehow less scary than the demonic clown that waits for me in my driveway in Covington, or the ghost that sleeps upstairs in my room when I go home.

So during my next trip in, I'm down for some comedies. No scary movies please.

He's back.....in Iraq...

2009-10-05T07:29:00.006-04:00

So Larry (my brother), is back in Iraq for his 2nd tour until May. Keep him in your thoughts & prayers.

Also send him mental messages to call his mom and sister. Since he doesn't read my blog..hardly ever. lol

Two sides to every story?

2009-10-03T00:01:00.006-04:00

I tend to see things in black and white, to come down on one side or the other of an issue, problem, argument, etc., rather quickly. And then I'll read something or somebody will say something that shows me a different side of things.

I made up my mind pretty quickly about Roman Polanski, especially after reading excerpts from the questioning of the child/teenager. And I have yet to find the other side.

I've been hearing that lots of people, many of them in the movie industry, are defending Polanski. I guess the crux of their argument is not so much that what happened was ok, but that it happened a long time ago, and that he is a genius director, etc. I did enjoy The Pianist. But that doesn't help me to see the other side of this issue. And it's not because I hated Rosemary's Baby.

Thirteen. Several types of unwanted intercourse. Quaalude. Champagne.

To me these things just outweigh any defense Polanski, or Whoopi, or Half Pint, or Debra Winger (seriously?) can muster up.

Including genius. Scapegoat. Victim. It wasn't "rape-rape." Statutory (this was not an 18 year-old having sex with his 16 year-old girlfriend, which is what I think about when I hear "statutory).

Can anybody help me see Polanski's side? I know it can't be black and white, but I'm really having a hard time with it.....

Nothing worth having comes easy..

2009-09-30T16:42:00.004-04:00

I went to ODU today to pay a nearly 8 y.o. parking fine. The counter lady (looked at me rather puzzled) could not even find the ticket in the system at first. With raised eyebrows - she looked and asked why now? I looked at my feet and put the words into motion that have laid dormant for the past 3 years: "I, uhm, I'm thinking of coming back to school and I can't register without my transcripts - which have this hold on them from way back when I graduated."

I'm broke, I'm a little scared - but I probably haven't smiled this big with possibility of it all in a long time. When your diploma falls off the wall and hits you in the head - you listen. Right?

Finally a new exhibit

2009-09-29T20:10:00.002-04:00

At the Virginia Aquarium! No offense to the sea turtles, but I was getting bored.

I wish..

2009-09-28T20:42:00.000-04:00

I could wear these boots everyday.
That's all.

On unsolicited advice...

2009-09-28T07:15:00.003-04:00

I found this interesting life advice in my internet meanderings this morning. I thought it was very relevant to the past few weeks (at least for me).

"Everyone is taking their own journey through life, and that's liberating -- but it can also be isolating, because no one else can truly understand what you are experiencing. Take this fact to heart when those 'in the know' offer you unsolicited advice today. They have your best interest at heart, but in the end their thoughts are based on their own goals -- not yours. Stick to what you feel. This is no time to start navigating by someone else's maps -- you could get lost."

The only sane thing to do....

2009-09-09T10:17:00.004-04:00

after running a half marathon, is obviously to sign up for another. :)

So this past Sunday, I woke up at 4AM, rode down to VB, parked and waited in line to run 13 miles with 30,000 some other crazies. I run all the time so I was confident about conditioning. I was not quite so confident about my knees which have been known to swell and crap out in recent years. "Helloooooo Leslie welcome to 30's!" they chant. (They also conveniently forecast rain, by aching painfully and dully before the rain starts.)

The good: As I said before, I run all the time; usually with only the company of my trusty Ipod. Running with an army of other people (all ages, shapes, and sizes) is extremely motivational. Having twice that many cheering for you while you run makes you feel sorta like a rock star (a sweaty, dirty, fannypack wearing type of rockstar). Having rastafari spray you with a waterhose while singing "Jammin" and "Could You be Loved" is really cool, and having random neighborhood ladies hand you beer while running is ever coolER.

The bad: You need to STAY hydrated and as a human; what goes in, must come out. Portable toilets are gross. Using them in general is traumatic, but trying to use them in a race AND trying to hurry - well use your imagination.

The ugly: My knees on Sunday were the winsome knees of a 23 year old. My feet, however; are blistered, swollen, and sore. I've been crawling up and down my steps on all-fours, "Gollum" style the past three days to commute back and forth between my room and my kitchen.

Will I do it again? Yeah..I think so.

People Look at You Weird When You Have a Black Eye

2009-09-02T16:06:00.003-04:00

I had an "accident" last Saturday night that left me with a black eye. I can't help but notice that people act a little weird when I go into their store, dry cleaners, or Starbucks. I feel like a second class citizen or something. It's like they don't want to look me in the eye, like they are afraid I will flip out on them.

The worst part is having an explanation, but never being asked for it. I can only assume the things people are conjuring up in their minds...bar fight? Domestic abuse?

Oh well. Maybe I should just stay in my house!

Adventures in squirrel catching

2009-09-01T12:16:00.004-04:00

We have a fireplace in our living room that we don't use. We bought one of those electronic insert things with the fake logs and fake fire to warm the place in the winter because there is a draft when the weather is cold. The insert doesn't block the whole fireplace, so we have a piece of wood on the right side that blocks most of the remaining gap. If it sounds ghetto, well, it is.

Yesterday I was sitting on the couch feeding Kai and I heard a "swoosh" sound and then a thunk in my fireplace. Shortie and the cats went over to investigate. I thought it was a bird because we found a dead one in there once.

All the sudden I heard something scrambling about and making some kind of primal growl/screech. And then through the small gap between the wood and the insert, a paw came out swiping!

It was a freaking squirrel!! Shortie would not stay away and the poor squirrel was getting really pissed off. Fairfax County sent out an officer and we spent 10 minutes trying to get it into a trap, but the squirrel wasn't having it.

We ended up taking out the fireplace insert and bam! The squirrel came flying out and headed toward the dining room. Shortie took off after it like a dog half his age. The squirrel ran a few laps around the dining room while the cop yelled at me to open the front door.

The squirrel made a final lap and headed toward the door. He jumped up onto the landing and Shortie jumped, trying to catch it in mid-air. He was thisclose, but luckily he missed.

The squirrel headed out the front door, followed by the nice lady officer.

Shortie spent the night peering into the fireplace and looking around the living room for the squirrel. He wanted to eat it!

Squirrels are so cute. But it is a little freaky to have one running around your house.

The Infrequent Visitors Guide to the Greater Metropolitan D.C. area.

2009-08-03T16:48:00.008-04:00

Many of VA's rest areas are now closed so you'll need to find quality gas station restrooms, like this one on the outside in Fredericksburg.

If visiting our nation's capital on the weekend, it's not only important to Google optimal restaurant locations but their HOURS as well. FYI: Everything closes at 5..on Saturday!

Some buildings in D.C. have 99 problems but central air isn't 1.

If you take too many pictures of yourself, the girl sitting to the right (behind me) will kill you.
Look at her murderous eyes.

And finally, Sunshine is a FANTASTIC tour guide and terrific hostess - but a terrible ticket scalper. (You don't give them away for FREE!) LOL

Goodbye Robert

2009-07-14T11:06:00.009-04:00

"Design is, literally, purposeful planning. Graphic Design, then, is the form those plans will take."

Shei gave me "The Cheese Monkeys" for Christmas the first year after we graduated college. It's been one of my favorite books, not just because it reminded me of my experience as a graphic arts student but mainly because it reminded me of my favorite acerbic professor Robert.

He passed away suddenly yesterday. To say he was an influence on me and my class would be an understatement. After having several different types of free-spirited hippy art teachers (nothing wrong with those!), his no nonsense, realities of graphic design approach was frustrating at times; but has been endlessly helpful in swimming the viscous rivers of G.D. jobs that me and several of my classmates ('02) have faced since leaving the Visual Arts Building.

I wanted to share some things I imparted from him - these aren't direct quotes, but it's how I hear them when I'm working.

Robertisms (as I apply them to life day-to-day activities)

Creativity is OVER-RATED. Take something someone else did and BUILD FROM IT.
What is THE message?
Find the "Rules".
Never use more than two fonts.
If you use treefrog font, I will fail you. It makes my eyes bleed.
Avoid using filters. They do not make an already bad design better.
Don't use screen fonts for print work.
This is an "A" work. This is a "C". What is the difference here?
"RIP" (sound made by our last-minute projects peeled off the board)
No music lyrics or CD covers. You will most likely fund your existence typesetting or making ads.
Why are you married to this project? Finish it and move ON.

These are just a sampling of the things he left with me, with US.
Us - meaning my classmates, which I'm happy to call colleagues AND friends - 10 years strong.

I'll close with another quote from Professor Sorbeck in the Cheese Monkeys --

"A bazillion years ago, some poor son of a bitch Cro-Magnon scratched a drawing of a buffalo onto the wall of his cave. He didn't do it because his muse had called to him, or to explore the texture of bauxite, or to start the neoprimitive-expressionist movement. He did it because he killed a goddamn buffalo and he wanted someone else to know about it, after he was gone. He had a specific, definable purpose for making a piece of visual information. The first one."

THANK YOU ROBERT - for leaving us a with definable purpose. A first one.

With eternal gratitude - Leslie P. - Class of 2002.

Harborfest 2009

2009-07-10T09:05:00.006-04:00

One of my favorite events in Norfolk every year is Harborfest. If for no other reason than I get to eat weird things and roam around Town Point park. This year it was on the 4th vs. it's normal June summer kickoff. Good because the fireworks were great, bad if you were trapped in a local parking garage for 2 hours post holiday festivus.

The city is noisy? Wha?? That is unbelievable!

2009-07-07T21:25:00.004-04:00

Why is it that every time I'm watching House Hunters on HGTV (or similar shows) where the people are looking for condos in the city, they always say "Well, its kind of loud." "Well, I'm not sure about all the traffic noise.." WTF? Move to the damn suburbs then. I'm sick of these people.

Rant over.

31 by 31's end List

2009-06-25T11:06:00.007-04:00

This idea originated with my friend "A" at a happy hour discussion last year prior to my 30th B-Day. Her and her friends were forming lists of things they wanted to have done by 30. I was already about 7 weeks from the digits in question, so I figured there was no way to squeeze in 10 years worth of things I should've already done in my 20's into 40 odd days. The idea however ruminated around my brain and I made a list (last summer).

Last night at a separate happy hour (nearly a year later to the first conversation). "The list" came up again. My friend J mentioned a bar which featured a mechanical bull, one of the things on my list. Then we chatted on about how sharing the list might help me get to do some of these things (through the magic power of "REAL" social networking.)

I have til 32 to get these things done. I'm going to italicize the ones I've already done.

So friends..here is my list, help me if you can/want to:
1. Ride Motorcycle (preferably drive one, but baby steps...)
2. Ride Mechanical Bull
3. Get a Tattoo
4. Increase income substantially.
5. Restore outdoor garden!! (poor flowers! I failed thee)
6. 31 Brand New Drawings
7. Post my website.
8. See the Grand Canyon (Larry!!)
9. See Chicago
10. Bling Team Field Trip
11. Conquer Gryffon at Busch Gardens.
12. Take some friggin classes!
13. See Barack Obama speak (live)
14. Go Camping and Tubing!
15. Cook something difficult (lamb?)
16. Read Twilight Series (for fun).
17. Take mom to Red Lobster as a surprise (must be a surprise!!)
18. HOST a party.
19. Bloc Party AGAIN
20. Learn a real dance - something fancy.
21. Get paid for a freelance.
22. Cancel useless bills.
23. Professional Sports Game (any sport, whichever one avails itself)
24. Run a marathon (Rock'n Roll is looking good).
25. Fix a broken friendship.
26. Complete the big family book.
27. Dive! (versus ungraceful cannonball flops)
28. Hiking
29. Comiccon!
30. Paintball
31 & 32 are "personal". Sorry team I have to do those on my own. ;)

The only real rules for your own lists..is that you must try to do this while you still can..it's NOT a bucket list and that it must be "fun" light ideas..Nothing major major goal oriented.

Medieval Fax

2009-06-16T10:28:00.002-04:00

After watching one of the analysts stand by our (at least) ten year old fax machine for 20-30 minutes cursing and pleading with it to work; it occurred to me that people within the building order themselves pretty much whatever they want. By whatever, I mean WHATEVER: Ergonomic keyboards, fancy purple scissors, brand new chairs, even cubicle ambiance lighting. So why hasn't anyone ordered a new fax machine? And why do we only have one if it's being used constantly?

I would propose it, but ideas are usually rewarded with more work. Instead, I'll just continue to watch coworkers flounder by the fax machine.

VB AMP - MORE Mental Notes and Queries

2009-06-11T10:10:00.008-04:00

I went to the No Doubt show last night out in VB. I won't recap the concert - except to say I had a great time! But I made some mental notes on how to improve my trials at outdoor music events and I thought I'd share. Friends feel free to bust me on these if you catch me repeat offending.

Querie 1:
Concerts at the VB Amphitheater are in the spring and summer seasons, which therefore means it's HOT. While black is the "it" color of alterna-rock enthusiasts (usually checking out the NorVA), it is a color which collects heat and generally makes for a miserable outdoors experience.

Querie 2:
If sitting on the lawn and you are a girl, it's probably best not to wear any foot apparel featuring a heel. You will just sink into the grass. Yes, cute is important - but you can't jump up and down with your feet sunk three inches into the ground.

Querie 3:
If your hair reaches below your ears, just ponytail that sh*zz. Or else you will be leave looking like a disheveled disco lion. It's hot, sweaty, and humid and no amount of John Frieda or clever hat usage can calm the follicle beast.

Addendum to Querie 3 - Since you will indeed leave looking like a disco lion anyways; and makeup, heels, and hair are of little to no significance in a sauna, tt is probably best not to carry a purse filled with make-up and hair aids.

Querie 4:
This is another for lawn patrons, unless you have come to make out for 2 hours or are under 12 you are probably not going to sit on your blanket, low sitting chair, or bobo towel. You are going to stand and dance and sing..and if you are not, the person in front of you is definitely going to. So just don't bring it. Why be seated to look at the person in front's butt for hours on end?
Just buy yourself a seated ticket with the money you were going to spend on the chair/chair rental.

And finally, if you are at this concert - don't continuously recap how awesome ANOTHER concert was. That was then, and this ..this is right now.

oh pony....

2009-06-05T14:33:00.004-04:00

I would like to thank Carol Ann for introducing us all to cakewrecks. But today, I'd like to thank my good friend Shei from VB for keeping up with CW and finding this gem.

Our "pony" has been commemorated in cake form.

Who's to Blame?

2009-05-21T14:52:00.003-04:00

So through some weird process or another, I was alerted to the fact that someone I know (and is possibly/absolutely related to me) was "tagged" in some recent prom photos. What I found while perusing said pictures was kind of disturbing. I'm no fashion plate, admittedly quite the opposite (as evidenced by my ever-slouching dress socks). But Christ on a Cracker are these some hideous prom dresses. Every single one of them!

Checklist

2009-05-19T09:49:00.003-04:00

Mom's coming to spend the rest of the week with (me) the beach. I cleaned the nooks and crannies of the stove and the area between the fridge and the wall. I washed everything that could be shrunk, bleached, or fed to my malevolent dryer. I mowed my square of grass in the backyard and attempted to pull as many weeds out of the flower garden as humanly possible. I left the coffee pot out with the coffee nearby so she wouldn't have to rummage, and sticky noted her very own personal box of Cheez-its.

I shoved every late bill into a shoebox into the far nether regions of my closet and attempted to clean out my car.

Is there anything I'm forgetting?

Money

2009-05-18T11:50:00.003-04:00

It's funny how having several one dollar bills in your purse/pockets makes you feel like you have lots of money, but really it's only like eight dollars.

Mid Years Notes and Pontifications

2009-05-08T09:47:00.011-04:00

I feel like 2009 is slipping away from me. The first 5 months of it that is.

What happened?
Well I tried some things in 2008 that failed. I have never been one to fall off the horse and lay there, but at the same time - I felt like the horse kicked me off, ate all the grass, and then returned with other horses to trample me. I'm relying heavy on metaphor here - quite simply I needed a break. So I fell off the horse and laid there.

I twitter now for the EF part of OEF. But now, I'm starting to feel the pangs of missed chronicles and abbreviated writing.

I'm going to halt Weight Watchers storyline. Turns out the system works better when I let go and let flow. It is working, I'm proud of myself, but I'm afraid it's just boring to read about. I've been 25 days without a full-blown can or sip or even hint of Mt. Dew and that in itself was an insurmountable feat. If I don't have the beach appearance by July that I want, I'm just going to wear hose. But who cares anyway, seriously - it's so hot!

Wine festival was a blast. This was my 4th in my whole time living here. Going into the first one, I was not a huge fan of wine. But after 1 tasting and 1 as general admittance and 3rd as non-drinking designated driver, I think I've found my "wine" at the Horton and Wintergreen tables. It's nice to look at the people sipping, swallowing, swishing, and in some rare cases - spitting (meh) and not feel like I'M the outsider for actually getting a glass and enjoying it.

I am vaguely aware that my impending wisdom tooth removal is scaring me. I've had it done before while being awake, and I made it through that okay. But the general post crap feeling (that and last time I nearly passed out in Hooters waiting for my friends to-go Wing tray) and days of mush food is not helping me look forward to it at all. It may just be the annoyance that this tooth waited to drop until after I had my others removed and that this could possibly be over with. This will make 4 and barring some mutant dragon tooth, hopefully until I have dentures this will be the last major teeth issue until my 50's. Fingers crossed.

The Geek Squad at Best Buy is officially on my "people-who-are-delusional-about-their-lot-in-life" list. I went there with a broken component on my external hard-drive, also known as my orange friend that travels with me everywhere. They basically opened it up, poked around at it and wanted to charge for $270 for something that only cost $50 to begin with, and give me no guarantee that they could save my files (after having opened it and exposed it's inner parts). I was passed from useless help, to useless help, with sales people trying to sell me crap I didn't need. At the end, with some advice from a friend, I ordered what I needed from Amazon for $15 bucks and upon it's 2/3 week shipping arrival..I'm looking forward to attempting to fix it myself. I'm not sure what "training" they have, but I'm thinking - I have google and some good friends to help me out ..so hopefully my orange best friend will be back up and running in the next couple of weeks.

I seen a skit about a guy who was shunned by the lady that worked at a lotion kiosk, and he said..

"You can't shun me, it's the end of the line for you here..you are essentially in a cardboard box with a register..there's no higher or lower..IT'S A KIOSK."

Roxy

2009-05-04T17:18:00.003-04:00

My new nephuppy (neice-puppy) Roxy.
Ya know, since we love to showcase animals..for no reason.

WW - Week 2/3

2009-05-01T13:54:00.006-04:00

I threw this graphic together to show the different before and after points values and habits and included Hungry, since he is with me all the time.

Before I joined WW, their “points” system seemed to be shrouded in secrecy. I tried counting calories, but calories aren’t always a true reflection alone of foods real value. Yeah, something might be a 100 calories, but if it’s only 100 cal for a 1/4 of a cup is it worth it? Especially if it takes 7 1/4 cups to fill you up? And what about fat? They don’t put the fat values on there for decoration.

So to un-shroud the mystery -

Based on your current weight, height, & lifestyle you are given a certain amount of points you are allowed to eat a day. You may earn additional points for rigorous exercise (and I do mean rigorous) and you are given 35 freebie points to use through the week. A slider tool that helps determine points values of food and you can purchase books that give the values of varying foods that you eat everyday.

Week one I adhered to my allotted points a day. I didn’t go over at all and I got 3.lbs lighter.

Week two wasn’t so stellar in terms of weight loss. (Okay..so there was Beerfest.)
I didn’t break the rules per se, but I didn’t adhere to a diet of lettuce leaves and carrot sticks either. It’s been the general consensus - that you should try to be learning how to eat better on the whole so that when the food goes away it’ll stay. Nothing lost, but nothing GAINED.

Some recent frustrations I’m having are:

1. I’m losing interest in SALAD. It’s 0 points. So in theory you can eat as much as you like, but at some point your appetite cries out Mercy! I’m not a rabbit.

2. Eating healthy is expensive, especially when you’re not used regularly grocery shopping. Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger=$99 cents. Grilled Chicken Sandwich=$3.23.

3. Exercise doesn’t burn quite as many points as it burns calories.

Some recent victories: Looser pants! Woot! I have learned I can survive without Mt. Dew (gasp), that wheat bread isn’t the devil (Bobby Bouche), and that mustard is a pretty groovy topping.

True Life - I joined Weight Watchers at Work.

2009-04-22T10:44:00.009-04:00

“Never was a mustard girl, thought it was a good solution hanging with Mayo girls....”

I’m not going to talk about what I weigh, what I have weighed in the past, and my current week by week .lbs to .lbs. (Not in an actual numbers sense- that is..) I’m not advocating anyone else join or advising anyone on what to give up. I am however, interested in chronicling my attempt at a “diet” which is supposedly not a “diet”. Quite simply, I wanted to try to be a healthier person, and my job is going to reimburse me if get on board and give it a try. So why not?

In high school, some P.E. adviser came in and said to have a healthy lifestyle you have to EITHER diet OR exercise. I decided I would run. I would run forever, if it meant I could eat whatever I wanted. The first time I ran, I ran breathless to the end of the yard, walked back into the house and devoured half a Red Baron Pizza. Now that I was a runner that pizza was mine..right?..right????!

Wrong...... Every food has a price, and many of the prices exists well out of running range. Unless you are an nfl athlete.

I have only ever been what I would consider “fighting weight” during the last three years of college. I had lost some significant poundage post the "freshman 15" at ODU. When asked how - I just said..”I don’t know, I was just happy I guess.” It was true. I was happy (and very very busy).

I’m still very very busy and fairly happy (not joyous, but content all the same). I’ve gained 22 lbs since I transitioned from college student to working girl. You just can’t run constantly when restricted to a square sunless space 8 hours a day. When I get stressed, I’d become accustomed (addicted) to grabbing a high everything Mt. Dew. Since that was my drug of choice, it had to be the thing to battle out first.

After a week of water, diet drinks, 3 days of what I would call semi-starvation and the consumption of foods that tasted like paper; this weekend marked the end of the detox phase where I felt like chasing wild animals and eating them or consuming entire 2-liters of soda. My caffeine headache has subsided to a small throb.

Pictured above are some remnants of this weeks soda detox which included: Lots of Propel (the only form of water I can stomach), some disgusting Crystal Light pomegranate (fruit punch is waay better), and splenda tea in a milk jug (which bothered me immensely that a caffeine product was living in a house that dairy built.)

I was successful in week one of W.W. weight loss, only hungry 3 of 7 days, only “cranky” 2 of the 7, and physically tired all 7 days. Today I'm going to Arby's as a "reward" for yesterdays accomplishment.

Here's hoping I can stay strong the next 11 weeks.

Christmas Moose on Skates

2009-04-02T21:18:00.002-04:00

So I joined the Herndon/Reston Freecycle group on Yahoo about three weeks ago, because we have a lot of crap that I don't really want to throw away, but it is such a hassle to use Craigslist, with the emailing back and forth, and the haggling, and the setting up a time to meet, blah blah blah. Plus, some of it is stuff that people won't really pay for.

So far, I have "freecycled" candle holders, an old XM receiver, a cake pan (w/lid!), miscellaneous bath products, an espresso machine, plastic bed risers, and dog coats that didn't fit Shortie. It is great, you can just give the "winner" your address and put the crap in a bag with their name on it on your front porch. No money is exchanged, so you don't actually have to meet any of these people!

In return, I've received a meatloaf pan, some plastic hangers, a Foreman grill, and a mini fridge! The mini fridge is my best score so far. You really have to move fast to get the good stuff, like French doors, rocking chairs, digital cameras, or moving boxes.

Some of the people are a little weird, like the lady who wants you to tell her why you want her castoffs. I guess it helps her decide who is worthy. Me, I just give to whoever contacts me first. I think that is the best way to be fair.

Sometimes, I'm really surpised by the things that I see on Freecycle. But even these items go pretty fast. Once an item is claimed, the offerer posts that the item has been taken. That's how I know somebody out there wants these things, such as:

An electric breast pump -- used!
Hershey's Strawberry Syrup
Bag of car cleaning products
Five (5) holiday cards --unused I presume
Vitamin samples
Traditional pudding bag (WTF?)
Half empty (or half full if you are an optimist) bottle of aftershave
Microwave turntable
Disney smashed pennies (?)
Dog pooper scooper -- used!

And....

One Christmas Moose on Skates!

Larry's New Tat

2009-03-31T13:24:00.002-04:00

My brother after teasing me about getting a Koi tattoo went and got one himself. Apparently he didn't exactly hate the idea as much as he let on. I, on the other hand cannot find anything I like enough to have stamped on me forever. Again the whole non-committal nature to anything. This doesn't mean I don't want one, but it may well be 2022 before I make a decision. The only things I'd want would take an entire arm and it's too hot to be sentenced to long sleeves at work for eternity.

BOO.

2009-03-25T11:48:00.002-04:00

This gum is not long lasting like the commercials says. On average (through my own human trials might I add) it lasts about 1 minute of flavor. Not only does it loose flavor quick but it almost hurts your mouth about 3 minutes later.

I recommend tic-tacs for fresher breath, longer taste, and bang for your buck.

Epic Fail - Stride gum.

Am saddened I actually paid for you when I can get gum for free.

Tuesday Absurdity

2009-03-24T16:51:00.001-04:00

Because I like weird things and pony anachronisms - I found this artist who takes My Little Ponies and transforms them into movie characters.

Man, wait til I find my Strawberry Shortcakes and Rainbow Brights!

Twitter, Beastie Boys---Blog instead of Comment

2009-03-19T13:44:00.002-04:00

I decided to blog instead of comment to Leslie's opus on her twitterized consciousness cos' I can get pretty wordy. I will probably contradict myself by getting bored with the topic and quitting after four sentences, but oh well.

I've also recently gotten into this Twitter thing. The only reason I did was cos my friend Jay Mohr was like "Facebook is played out, everyone's on Twitter anyway." He's on neither, but it sparked my interest. The only thing I remotely like about Facebook is posting nonsense statusii, so Twitter gives me "just tha yellas"*. I've had a few random people start "following" me, and I promptly blocked them, but for the most part it's alright. I follow Nightline's tweets b/c I am a super-nerd, and also have discovered through his tweets that ABC News' Dan Harris is an undercover indie rock enthusiast, which totally contradicts his stuffy poindexter on-air persona. Tho it makes me wonder if it's really him tweeting or some intern, secretly forwarding his own musical agenda whilst simultaneously making Dan Harris look like slightly less of a ding-dong. I will say, tho, if the news/media doesn't stop talking about Twitter and what it says about us and celebrities Twittering while they're on a talk-show couch & Diddy trying to influence my 140 characters I'm just going off it. There is no deep meaning.

In the summer of 1999 "Hello Nasty" WAS the best CD ever. Hench shared/shares (maybe still, not sure as we don't ride in the car together on the daily anymore) musical compulsion in that we'll just obsess over a cd or artist for like three months and not want to listen to anything else. There was a Weezer period (mostly Pinkerton), and of course a Ben Folds Five period, and a time for NOFX (as well as a general Fat Wreck fog). In more recent years I've fell into black holes named Kings of Leon, and definitely the White Stripes, M. Ward, and no matter how embarrasing, The Format.

**On some basketball bus trip in high school, my friend Kristy & I determined that yellow was the only worthwhile part of a candy-corn. We planned to launch our own candy-corn line called "Just tha yellas!" So, getting "just tha yellas" is taking only the best part of something. Dummies.

How? Why? Huh?

2009-03-19T13:37:00.003-04:00

Spied these exciting diaramas while waiting for my breakfast ciabatta melt.

I think they should step up their drug screening. Seems like they're having too much fun on the night shift.

Twitter Brain - Unfiltered

2009-03-18T15:26:00.002-04:00

I signed up for Twitter a few weeks ago and despite my best efforts not to like it - I do. It’s pretty much what you’re doing at the moment, with a limit on letters to keep your twitters from becoming a blog.

I have so much in my head lately I’m having a hard time blogging - so as an experiment I sticky noted all the random randomness I had in my head in my 60 minute lunch hour. No life goals, just things moving in and out as they come to me.

1:45 P.M. - 2:38 P.M. 4/18/09

Waterfowl
I get a text from a friend asking why ducks usually stand with one foot in the puddle. I don’t know why. I don’t know why the seagulls do it either. My personal theory is that one of their feet is cold, so they tuck it away. A second theory is that due to the traffic and general demeanor of most humans here is that the other foot is not tucked away but has been lost in some sorta animal vs. 757 casualty. The first theory is better.

Carson Daly and Me
A guy just walked into Moes. He resembles Carson Daly, except he’s got to be taller than Carson Daly actually is. “Carson” looks for a seat, looks at my table, contemplates, then spots and subsequently seats himself in neighboring two chair situation a table over from me. He looks back, smiles again and I wonder if he’s staring at me because I’m staring at him or if I’m just staring at him because I feel eyes on ME. I decide I’ve stared too long, listen to the jazz song without words and then I contemplate my life as Carson Daly’s spouse. I decide it would be fun at first, but then decide sometime in my 40’s I’d get tired of him futzing with hair product. Meanwhile back at Moe’s, the real guy chomps happily along on his quesadilla unbeknownst of the crazy girl sitting across from him ponders her new imaginary-life-montage with Carson Daly.

Look who's talking now
The radio switches to “Jealous Guy” in Moe’s. I remember Mikey pulling the head off Julie’s stuffed penguin in that 80’s movie about the talking babies. At the same time, I wonder what Terry is saying at home when he’s making odd chirps and gestures. Tiesha has her own translations but I think mine are more realistic. Like at Halloween, when one of her coworkers with a newborn suggested she dress up as a clown. In my head, I did a Terry voice saying “you should dress up as a giant boob”.

Ad-Roc
In the car it’s the Mike and Bob show. Beastie Boys Sure Shot is on and I think of Carol Ann. The image is usually proceeded with her declaring Hello Nasty is the BEST cd ever. I think about how much I like the part where the song slows:

I Keep My Underwear Up With A Piece Of Elastic
I Use A Bullshit Mic That’s Made Out Of Plastic
To Send My Rhymes Out To All Nations
Like Ma Bell, I’ve Got The Ill Communications

Sunshine
I see a girl running through Larchmont and wish I was her for a minute with Beastie Boys in my ipod and not my car. Its beautiful today. The dogwoods have bloomed and then I start to cough a bit and realize subsequently why I don’t like spring.

96x Work advice
Back to Mike and Bob where they are talking about their coworker calling the lowest person on the work food chain to call in sick. Mike says something to the effect of “ya, don’t call the guy standing by the port ‘o pot to tell HIM you won’t be in the following day”. I laugh in my car and think this might possibly be one of the funniest things I’ve heard in a minute because that is logical.

Welcome back
Hit the CLJ parking lot after a 15 minute delay from the train. Tried unsuccessfully to secure some change for the soda machine and came up with 37 cents and a stick of Big Red. Pondered how cool it would be if soda machine offered barters (like gum) for Mt. Dew.

Back in the chair..blogging :)

Mouthy Broads

2009-03-13T11:08:00.006-04:00

Two years ago, my mom hinted that she'd like to take up beading as a hobby. So, for her birthday, my sister & I loaded up on all the beading supplies we could find. On the next birthday, a full year later, when the beading supplies had gone completely untouched, my sister & I decided to take up beading---if nothing else to burn through all the stuff we'd bought. But we went off the rails somewhere. Our basement turned into a mini bead store in itself. We mostly made/make badge holders---a prettier alternative to those shoelace-looking thing with the faded/flaking screenprinted logos from which most people at the hospital hang their credentials from.

In my obsession with all things beads & beading; I pondered the idea of making my own beads. Glass-blowing, however, is way too expensive for an ancillary hobby. So I started playing with polymer clay. And I made some truly hideous beads. Frustrated at my sheer suckitude---I just wanted to make something that looked like something. So I made a little head & gave it some swirly hair. Tiny beaded eyes, and a big fat mouth, in my mind saying "what did you expect---michelangelo you ain't".

I made a few more just-heads, initially wanting to use the just-heads as focal-type beads in my badge holders. Then, one time, I had a bunch of orange clay mixed up & left over. It was too much for a just-head, so I gave it arms and a torso. I made some lovely pink spaghetti flowing hair with a clay extruder my brother gave me for Christmas. She was totally topless---but she was the first, if rudimentary, broad. Next, I tried making some
clothes, and it wasn't so hard. I was kind of in love with this idea. So I just started making more & more. And my basement suddenly had a few dozen very bossy-looking tiny residents.

In perusing Etsy, I found that lots of people like to play with clay. And yarn. And plaster. And beads. And every other kind of crafty type of thing---and people give them money for it. So I started a store. I've been in business for 2 days and I've sold two broads. Admittedly both to my brother, because he loves me, but he did pay actual money + shipping so he's a customer. Even if my Mouthy Broad empire never takes off, I'll probably still make them. If only so my sister will keep making up squawky voices for them & giving them ridiculous lives.

You can get to the store from the "mini-store" in the sidebar of this here blog. And if you don't like them, maybe look at some other stores. There's a lot of cool handmade stuff!

They say it's your birthday!

2009-03-04T11:59:00.004-05:00

duh, na-na-nuh na nuh!

Larry doesn't read this blog at all. Sooooo I'm going to post pictures of him. 25 years young. I still remember him wondering around ODU trying to find G's apartment.
"Uh, is my sister here??" LOL

PeepShow

2009-02-26T14:17:00.008-05:00

I got this as an Easter card for my brother. I thought he'd like it seeing as how we both enjoy sacrificing Easter peeps.

This February has been so grueling..I can't help but wonder why March is taking so long.

Success!

2009-02-24T22:23:00.003-05:00

Sometimes bugging your congressman does work! I had an issue with Fairfax County late last year regarding my personal property taxes (which are b.s. taxes anyway, but I digress). I didn't pay 2007 (oops, my mistake) and instead of letting me know, they applied my on-time 2008 taxes the open tax year of 2007, essentially making me "late" for two years. That means two years of interest, penalties, and administrative fees for what was really only one late year. Nuh-uh.

I pled my case with them over and over again, through email and through snail mail letters. I sent a check for my 2007 taxes, plus penalties and interest, apologizing and taking responsibility for being late for 2007 but explaining how unfair it was to apply my 2008 without letting me know. I reasoned with them, which was naive on my part. Fairfax County use reason? Pshaw. All I got for my efforts was a bill for the difference between what I thought I owed them and what they thought I owed them. And this bill, finally, threatened me with a collection agency and a hold on my DMV records. Took them long enough.

So, I pulled a bitch move and complained to my congressman. I spelled it out for him, just like I did for the county. And I guess it worked, because I got a check today from the county for "overpayment of personal property taxes." It is not as much as it should be, by my reasoning, but I'm not even complaining!

I still want to leave this God-awful county, though.

Thanks Congressman Wolf!

Nannerpuss

2009-02-24T08:56:00.003-05:00

I know this character is supposed to make me want to eat a serious breakfast at Denny's, but it's really just making me want to tie strings to banana peels and sing "I like pancakes!"

Friday Random

2009-02-20T11:15:00.001-05:00

"Come sit with me. Let's talk. I implore you."

Zee Baby Cat..she is silly no??

Working on Presidents day..

2009-02-16T16:43:00.002-05:00

Not much to report today or this weekend in general. I spent all day Saturday cleaning and shopping in preparation for “company” but by the time I was done cleaning and shopping AND cooking (around 7:30 p.m.) I found all I wanted to do was lay around. I wound up sending a “come on over text” shortly accompanied by a “nevermind” hail 20 minutes later. Ah, behold - the joys of 30. I was however, genuinely proud of myself for not getting caught up in the Valentine’s Day malaise that had seemingly overtaken a few of my friends.

On the “Leslie is a tool front” I avoided some craftily written V-Day text messages, but in avoiding those I missed some quality phone calls from my relatives just attempting to check in and send their love. I know it’s too late to make resolutions, but under my 2009 notes to self - I’m listing ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE as a priority.

Smells Like Teen Spirit was playing at Red Dog on Friday and Marcia said “I like this song, who sings this?” I say - “It’s Nirvana. It’s widely regarded as like the best alternative song every on every top 100 list - ya know..??.” I then drifted off to the moment where my cousin Tracy (14 years older than me) gave me Nevermind and said..”eh..I like Tesla better...just not my thing.” Ah Nirvana..always good stuff. Seriously Tray..Tesla? Cue my weird time-warp music.

I designed my own professionally printed business cards today. YAY. I’m getting more and more requests for pictures so I think this illo thing could become a reality. I’m trying to keep with my own advice: focus on the part I really want to do (the actual drawing) and keep the marketing stuff as a sidebar at the moment. As the illo part gets more stable I’ll refocus on the website stuff. The first on the “to-do” list is make sure Lavaponyland is work friendly - i.e. no more writing like a 12-year old. The second thing (which has been in the works for sometime) is figuring out a working pricing system. I’m not trying to break the bank, it feels silly to work for 16 hours on something and get paid with a ham. That is not an exaggeration, I’ve been paid in ham which is only one step up from meatballs in the hands (i.e. The Wedding Singer.)

I’m totally frustrated that it’s not EASIER to teach myself Dreamweaver. I’m peacing together FLASH one step and many late nights at a time. I can’t believe that POWERPOINT is actually more user friendly than Flash, but I remind myself that maybe my brain has become jello after years of working with jello. I need to graduate to flan and then a full-on steak.

Terry and LJ are at their Gramma’s this week and my house couldn’t be anymore quieter. Ain’t no sunshine when the toddlers are gone. I need some chaos stat.

Oh, iPhone.

2009-02-10T11:52:00.003-05:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Creepy

2009-02-09T14:23:00.002-05:00

It might be hard to see here; but I snapped this picture on my way back from lunch. The green Lincoln Towne Car in front of me had a super-creepy clown head in it's back window, haunting me.

First day back at dog beach

2009-02-08T15:39:00.000-05:00

Leslie & Larry

2009-02-04T17:54:00.002-05:00

I'm attempting to draw/write a graphic novel of my childhood exploits with when me and Larry were younger. I have lots of wacky stories with him and my mom. These are my drafts - because I drew first and wrote later. It's not fleshed out as well as I'd like - but for the purposes of showing friends what I've been up to it'll work.

I intended to show how me and Larry demolished the the front door..but it ends up just showing us fighting...Hopefully my drawing and writing will improve if I do it this way more often.

OH SLAP!

2009-02-04T11:24:00.007-05:00

This blog entry gave me a much needed reality check over the summer. I remembered it's words recently when trying to restate it for Gardler (in probably a less intelligent sounding way.) I cut to the meat of it above.

Check out the link below for the full blog. There's a billion of these graphics help sites, but I love the honesty with this one.

Creative Seeds

A morning......bath?

2009-01-22T08:51:00.003-05:00

Maintenance is re-caulking & repainting our bathroom this week in sections which apparently requires them to steal our shower knob for 3 days. I will just state for the record, that there is a reason in movies, commercials, and real life that we wake up and take a SHOWER and not a bath. Nothing against baths in general, it just proves to be an epic undertaking in the a.m. hours when joints are achy and there isn't enough hot water formulated in the tank to constitute a "tub."

Where were you?

2009-01-20T17:07:00.003-05:00

I was a little sad to miss out on MLK weekend. I had to work this year, my new company doesn’t get the day off, and my car is up to it’s usual antics again. (That’s a long story but I’ve vowed my next vehicle with either be a brand new American vehicle or a used excellent foreign one.) Yesterday I worked through the day and stayed really late last night. It was supposed to snow today. I know better. It NEVER snows in Norfolk. I went to bed last night resting assured I’d be off to watch the inauguration and that karma would restore the wrong (me working Monday) that had occurred this year.

I went to sleep envisioning me spinning around like Winona Ryder in the flurries when Edward Scissorhands was carving the sculpture (music and all). I woke up to a completely sunny, dry road. I guess I was happy about not having to slide and dredge through snow, but seriously..all that talk and not even a glimpse of a flurry? WAVY needs to get their doplar weather gear rechecked.

It’s a bit overwhelming at work, since the persons I was completing presentations for called in sick. I surmised that they had envisioned a blustery wintery day and when they woke up to find none went with a respectable plan B. My direct supervisors never take a day off and would have rode in on snow dogs if required. M.I.A. coworkers just make an overflow of work for the people left behind. Yeah, I’ve heard that whole “piss poor planning on your part does NOT constitute an emergency on mine schpeel”..but declaring you won’t or can’t do work in these times results in unemployment. I’m proud, but sometimes you gotta sock your ego away in a drawer and handle your business.

I worked pretty hastily all morning and then ran off to the print shop/break room right when the violins stopped playing and watched the president-elect get sworn in with some coworkers. He stumbled a bit at first, but then gave a pretty flawless speech in front of the entire world. No note cards, no teleprompter-just one man and the masses.

I thought about my disbelief, regret, and frustration with the last 8 years. I’ll admit I teared up a little bit because here is someone finally saying what I WANTED to hear.

I know he can’t fix everything, but America cared enough to let him TRY.

I wish I would have made it to DC. I was needed someplace else though. I seen him in October here in Norfolk, and I’ll remember that night. I’ll remember standing in line to vote. I’ll remember election day when he won easily. I’ll be old one day and think of a few moments when I was younger and seen something grand and hopeful.

Sundays

2009-01-19T11:25:00.004-05:00

I was going to write a blog about the start of my January. Early into it I realized - that basically I was complaining how one person's state the obvious outlook had made me grouchy with their bad vibes gamma rays. A happy hour, two weeks, and a phone call from G later and I think I know what I gotta do to resurrect my 2009 from the garbage.

So with this simple blog (that probably should've went to lavaponyland) thus begins my foray into sequential art.

The journey of a thousand pages will begin with a simple recap of my 2nd Favorite Day of the week.

Well, here's what the cats are doing.

2009-01-16T11:43:00.002-05:00

Rufus blissfully suns while Pancakes ponders ruining it.

And he does.

Then he retreats to his fortress of solitude, AKA the inside of Uma's food stand.

Lil loves the smell of my mom's head. Here, she savors it.

Norfolk

2009-01-15T16:46:00.013-05:00

I was futzing around on the internet today, and got to perusing the LIFE Magazine images hosted on Google. I marvelled at the pictures of Atlantic City, what it looked like before the garish & imposing casinos showed up. As a six year-old, My mom would ride a train with her grandmother from Philadelphia to spend the day in this version of Atlantic City. It's hard not to get totally consumed by nostalgia.

When I'd gone through all of Atlantic City, and any boardwalk they had on film, and anything in New Jersey, I turned my attention to a place I lived in and explored for some 6 years; Norfolk. Some of these made me laugh, some made me cringe, and some were just shocking. I'll refrain from commentary so as not to unwittingly offend anyone or myself (with naivete').

The ferry to Portsmouth, 1944.

Emergency wartime housing, 1944.

The slums, 1944.

Granby Street, 1944.

Airman wearing light suit on the deck of an aircraft carrier, 1953.

Sailors cleaning up after a fancy party, 1957.

Cheerleading practice, 1958.

Queen of the Azalea Festival & her father, 1958.

Creativity, 1958.

Lewis Cousins' first day at a desegregated Maury High, 1959.

Bettie Jean Reed completes her first day of school at newly desegregated Granby High, 1959.

Uma In four shirts

2009-01-13T23:13:00.002-05:00

Laundry day is always a good time. I like to dump all of my dirty clothes on the floor, sit in the middle of them and conduct an hourly NBA draft of sorts---deciding which clothes get washed in what order and grouping.

Uma likes to help; though she mostly just lays on top of all the clothes and shoves her head into the pile making goofy bark/growl noises in an attempt to get me to play.

When this doesn't work she starts taking socks & underwear & towels and banishing them into my sister's bedroom in retaliation. At top speed as if it were an Olympic event.

Is it just me?

2008-12-30T15:51:00.003-05:00

Or is this the goofiest/creepiest looking MF you've seen all day? Possibly year? Even dumber; his name is CHIP SALTSMAN. I think he's in the wrong line of work, frankly.

...now we return to our show...already in progress...

2008-12-29T08:39:00.002-05:00

It's mildly disorienting returning directly to work after an "away" xmas visit. For one, I was totally gearing up to sleep right until noon when my cell phone alarm jarred me back to work reality. Two, Everyone was steadily pulling down holiday decorations and stacking Christmas cards and we're still in December? Maybe I'm lazy or old fashioned, but the work on my desk is still 2008. I'll take down my lights in 2009, when my 2008 workload has left. Three, I ate way too much. My mom booby trapped every room of her house with Reese's cups, potato chips, and varying cakes and cookies. The refrigerator was a smorgasbord of meat trays and cheese wheels and beer!?

Anyways I don't really feel like I vacay'd at all. It's more like a nap where I ate alot and dreamed I fed deer in my yard. If it was a dream, then why do I feel so full? :)

Jesus is the reason

2008-12-24T13:37:00.000-05:00

2008 Lists

2008-12-24T12:31:00.004-05:00

Before I trek off to the internet-less mountains of Covington I thought I'd make some lists. It's the end of the year, I've been a good girl writing blogs with sorta real content - so here goes:

This is by no means all the music I was listening to this year - These were just some diamonds in the treasure chest of 2008. Most of these I loved the whole cd, so it was difficult to narrow down extreme favorites.

Leslie's 2008 Most Played Selections
1. Bloc Party - Ion Square
2. Shiny Toy Guns - Richochet
3. Kings of Leon - Sex On Fire
4. Paramore - Decode
5. Mates of State - Get Better
6. LadyTron - Burning Up
7. SantoGold - Lights Out
8. Vampire Weekend - A Punk
9. Pumpkin Soup - Kate Nash
10. Gnarls Barkley - Charity Case
11. TV On the Radio - DLZ
12. The Pierces - Secret
13. Coldplay - Life in Technicolor
14. Beck - Profanity Prayers
15. Beyonce - Single Ladies
16. Common (ft. Lily Allen) - Drivin Me Wild
17. Q-Tip - Gettin Up
18. Black Ghosts - Anyway You Choose to Give it
19. Black Kids - I’m Making Eyes at You
20. Metro Station - Shake It
21. MGMT - Electric Feel
22. Natalie Walker - Shadow
23. My Morning Jacket - Evil Urges
24. Belle and Sebastian, - Boy with the Arab Strap
25. Jose Gonzales - Teardrop

Looking forward to some new Deftones, Third Eye Blind, and hopefully Doves (where are you guys?!)

The NorVa’s Calendar was disappointing overall for 2008. 5 concerts is an all time low for me. Considering how much I enjoy them. The selections this year were just bad.
Some glimmering exceptions I actually attended this year -
Flogging Molly, Shiny Toy Guns,Dresden Dolls, Explosions in The Sky & Third Eye Blind

Some events of NOTE
Winefest - Spring Edition - Twice a year opportunity for public intoxication. Can’t be missed. Shouldn’t be.
Virginia International Tattoo - No idea how much planning goes into something, until you see it’s people in action.
India Fest - Henna tats will make you want real ones.
Barack Obama! - Nuff Said.
Spirit of Norfolk Cruise - Always wanted to see the other side of Norfolk. Unfortunately it’s alot of construction and storage units.
Nags Head - Was a nice break from work and a torturous cut-off from the internet and my local fanfare.
OEF Triple Threat Summit!- 3 cities, 3 girls, 3 Days.
That’s just how we roll. Trains, Metros, and automobiles.

Not so stolen...

2008-12-22T16:12:00.001-05:00

Over the weekend, I temporarily misplaced my debit card. In a moment of extreme paranoia, I called and reported the card stolen only to find the card chillin in my purse a mere hour later. I tried to call back and report “Dumbass” vs. “Stolen” to no avail. Thus began the cardless waiting game and right before the holidays none the less.

I’m still not entirely sure it’s a bad thing, considering my alpha Christmas list has been handled already. Actually handing cash over at Bottom Dollar last night made me realize that maybe I should purchase milk instead of martini olives and evaluate how much groceries to purchase immediately preceding a homecoming.

I always buy enough perishables to feed an army, go home and come back to the creatures from Little Shop of Horrors singing “Feed Me Seymour” in my fridge.

Anyways mess ups teach you how to do it right the next time, or so one of my friends said a long time ago...I think. Something like that. Whatever. :)

Raffle

2008-12-19T14:09:00.001-05:00

I bought 6 tix to our company's raffle. Recession schmession! I'm winning this year people. The 5 year drought will end today.
That turkey is mine!

Shake Your Maraccas, SHAKE THEM NOW!!

2008-12-17T16:52:00.000-05:00

So this past Monday while wearing a particularly fragile shirt, I marveled at how I made it through the day stain free. No mustard, no chilli, no soda. While I don’t try to be a messy eater, somehow food seems to launch itself at me, or I fling myself into it. One way or the other, I wear it.

Testing my limits of luck and endurance, I picked up a barbeque sandwich from Dog’N Burger. It was a testament to deliciousness in foodkind. In a particularly out of character move, I sat down to eat in the kitchen. LJ (4) oogled at the sandwich and gave the extremely cute face, but his mother hates it when I spoil his dinner so I did the firm “NO” and took on a sorta hunchback position to further enforce the NO. (I resembled Baby Cat when someone attempts to take her chicken or turkey) LJ responded accordingly by telling both his parents on me, and then THEY reacted by staring at my sandwich and requesting pieces too. I normally purchase for ALL when I go out to eat, but I had a Chic-Fil-A vendetta against Tiesha and Co., so I ate the sandwich slowly, methodically, and tormented them with jokes. It FELT right.

An evening stable at my house is Dora and Diego hour. It’s a win win. They teach me Spanish and LJ dances. I went to get Terry (5 months) so we could shake our “maracas”. Basically Dora tells you to do something, waits, and then repeats the command louder. Not wanting to upset Dora, I sorta twisted round and round with Terry and was sorta mimicking the maracas with his hands (no I was not shaking the baby!). After after about 20 minutes of Dora we sat down.

and............... Terry threw up everything he’d eaten for the day err week all over my shirt.

The Moral:
Don’t eat in front of others unless you have something to share (oh and it angers the gods when you don’t do EXACTLY as Dora Says.)

Christmas is so gay.

2008-12-10T14:29:00.004-05:00

My sister and I happened upon these gems at the local home & garden store (which is mostly a Christmas store, actually). This iPhone picture totally does not do them justice. "Clint", the gay cowboy merman (left) is 8 inches tall. There are several more, and I definitely plan to at least pick up Jack Hammer before the season is over.

I don't know why I love these things so much. They're just totally random & I think the perfect example of how ridiculous Christmas really is.

And yes, that is leather-pants-era Elvis serenading the fellas. And yes I purposely have him straddling a red chrimmas light.

From Leslie's Despair Calendar....

2008-12-10T13:01:00.003-05:00

I was hanging my multicolor light set around my bulletin board when I noticed this months artwork from my despair calendar. This isn't the exact same one, but I whipped this one together real quick for your viewing pleasure.

Made me laugh. :)

325am

2008-12-07T03:26:00.000-05:00

Pony-o-rama December 2008

2008-12-04T16:49:00.002-05:00

1. Overdrafts
Last month I was certain Wachovia was involved in a coup to make Leslie bankrupt. I watched helplessly as my bank seemingly re-ordered the timing of my bills for maximum overdraft penalties. I’m currently working on a chart to illustrate my mood swings as related to cash flow and the devastation of needlessly lost monies, in addition to a chart on friends “helpful” budget advice as I lay motionless in black hole of despair.

2. Twilight
Since Harry Potter ended - I’ve been floating aimlessly on a sea of books that I seem to purchase and never read. I read (past tense) literature in college. I know great works when I see it. Life doesn’t allow me to sit still and look up all the words I don’t know in a Jane Austen novel or let me spend time wiki-ing the foreign policy alliterations in Persepolis. Enter Twilight -- it’s no Harry, but it’s a fun easy read. It’s the Gossip Girl of my otherwise smart TV lineup. It’s the chocolate in my diet of apples - and it’s the reason I’ve been coming to work sleep deprived from reading the past few weeks.

3. The Po-Po
Sigh, I have long running issues with law enforcement.
This morning FEDERAL FBI AGENTS..stopped me outside my townhouse to ask about my neighbor. She did something VERY bad apparently. Prior to the agent’s questioning, I dropped all my stuff and just stood still and the lady cop (who did not look like Scully btw) was like "No, no, we just want to ask you some questions - you can hold your purse!" I’ve become such a ball or paranoia, I assume I’ve unwittingly done something wrong first.
I have one unpaid parking ticket and a few late medical bills. I keep wondering if that puts me in the same group as drug dealers and armed bingo hall assailants.
I suppose I should practice making wine with apple juice and old socks. At least then I can still carry on my happy hour traditions in the big house.

4. Gaming Systems
I want a Wii or an XBox. I have no time, less than no money, but I want one. I played Rock Band last March and have been hooked ever since. I want to play D.C. vs. Mortal Kombat. and then I want to play House of the Dead, and then I want to play Guitar Hero. I remind myself it’s a WANT, not a need. Then I look around my room for things to sell on Craigslist.

5.HOUSE M.D.
I can’t stop watching this show. It’s become my latest “where did this show come from” find. The good - It got me away from L&Order marathons. The bad - I worry no doctor I see is as good as House. What if my bug bite is not a bug bite, but a rare strand of Red Pine Chicken Paratoxia?

6.Pumpkin spice & Chai tea
Last year for Christmas, my friend Sunny gave me a gift certificate for Starbucks....and a year long addiction to pricey warm beverages.

Thanksgiving Recap

2008-12-01T11:19:00.004-05:00

My holiday was good. Since Mom didn't cook..there was no overeating! Malcolm was extremely pleasant (at least to my face). Mom gave away the Elvis lamp and the upstairs was actually WARM thus proving my theory that the lamp was inhabited by my Aunt Nancy’s restless spirit. Remove the spirit the upstairs gets warm.

I returned early to the 757 on Saturday. I was going to stay right up until Monday morning, but it was callling for a “wintry” mix. Here that equals cold wet rain, in the Highlands that means slickery roads and overall trouble. Afton Mountain (in Charlottesville) proves to be particularly challenging as the fog is like driving through a dense bag of cotton balls.

Mom and I ate dinner with Malcolm’s son Howard and his wife’s family. While I felt a little nostalgic for the days when my mom was the house matron/hostess, I didn’t have to worry about my mother burning her fingers (and other parts) from spilled turkey juice. There was little talking, so in these quiet moments of eating I wondered why I only eat Stove-Top stuffing once a year when it’s so easy to make and so readily available.

Judy has taken up photography on some of the hardest of animal subject material. Her Nikon Coolpix probably imagined it would have been shooting Christmas trees or flower gardens but instead is being used for Hummingbirds and Deer. She’s getting the animals near her, I’ll give her that - but they are green and brown blurs.

The deer are actually quite fascinating ALIVE. I’m used to seeing them in varying faces of death on the side of the road and in my Uncle’s truck. My mom has 7 deer. 3 Does, 3 Bucks, and 1 little one. The does (& child) play along the side of the house at dusk. They routinely eat all the bird food as well as the medley of foods Judy leaves out for them at night. The bucks stand cautiously near the edge of the woods keeping vigilant. I credit the bucks for being 10x more wary than their female counterparts. Just because my mom is fantastic doesn’t mean everyone is.

Case in point:
I never pictured myself to be the Jane Goodall type, but when random hillbillies rode through to spotlight the deer - me and Malcolm ran to turn on the porch lights like action heros. I felt a little crazy activating my cars alarm system and flashing the porch lights but it did the trick and the deer scattered, foiling the would-be assassins plan.

I believe there’s no dignity in shooting a deer in someone’s yard. It’s like hunting a domesticated cat. What does it say about you slaying something that will walk right up to you, especially near a neighborhood filled with sleeping Grands and childre? I couldn’t even give them a poaching or hunger benefit of the doubt. Call me crazy, but if you have enough money to buy a .22, a compound bow and arrow, and a 2009 F150 with halogen beams - then you probably aren’t hunting for food purposes.

We avoided black friday shopping altogether and I felt good about that. There’s nothing I can think of that I want so badly as to risk getting trampled over. I was shocked that in the news footage in NY after that man was killed people were still shopping and looking over their purchases. I would have thought Wal-mart might’ve closed the store but..not so much.

Instead me and mom drove right past Valley View mall - straight to the movies then off to Hollins for dinner. Twilight was good save for one scene, that I laughed loudly and disturbed some of the nearby teens. This maybe the one instance where the book provides some much needed insight - I didn’t think it was acted badly at all. I do however think it’s hard for people who aren’t awkward to “be awkward”. Especially when awkward is more or less an internal emotion..save for clumsiness.

In summary, Stuffing is wonderful. Spotlighting neighborhood deer is a sport for the morally inept. A discounted GPS probably isn’t worth dying or trampling someone over. Teen movies are teen movies. My mom is also not a photographer. :)

I am not a photographer.

2008-11-26T13:27:00.018-05:00

I got to thinking yesterday about those holiday photo "cards" you get in the mail of people's kids; and for some reason decided it would be fun to make something like those but with my pets (since I have no kids). When I got home from work, I constructed a "studio" in my kitchen consisting of a red fuzzy blanket & some Christmas-y colored embellishments. It was pretty much a total failure. My sister, who promised to be my pet-wrangler, mostly just laid on the floor (inexplicably). Pancakes refused to go anywhere near the "set"...Lil had to be bribed with catnip, and Rufus refused to come out of his dressing room. So here's some results for early holiday enjoyment:

Pathetic.

The only way to get Lil anywhere near the set was to spray concentrated catnip all over it.

Pancakes wouldn't sit nice on the blanket, but he would lounge everywhere AROUND it.

She actually looks like she's smiling here, huh? That's my layabout sister under the smiley face.

I like this picture of Lil.

This would have been a really nice picture of Pancakes; but again, I am not a photographer.

The only halfway decent picture of the whole session.

Lord of the Puppies

2008-11-25T15:57:00.011-05:00

Things are kind of quiet at work today; I presume most non-essential personnel have already started their holiday. I decided to check out Puppy Cam this morning to break the monotony. To my horror, as Hench described before in a text message, the puppies had gone all LA riots on the Pee Pad. I took a series of screenshots to document this dark day in puppy history. Also; someone was pooping in picture #3.

OEF Scientists - Christmas Embargo

2008-11-24T11:48:00.007-05:00

After putting together hundreds of charts for my day job, I'm beginning to see the merits of these things. It's simple really, you plug in data and look for disparities. Sharp inclines or declines are signs of major change. A steady line or overall even-ness indicates a balance or a plateau. In order to charge the charts, you look at the factors involved and try to figure which aspects of it you can change. This year I decided to take a look at Christmas and analyze where my money is going and what kinda input I'm getting for my output.

Here are my findings:

The number of presents given to the number of presents received is staggering. That little slice of pie is less than the desert cup at KFC.
Plan to fix this: Give less presents.

The reason I'm not getting as much presents as I'm getting is simple, note the crap- present-people spike. I give these people nice presents and get LOTIONS - those are not presents..they are punishments. I'd rather have nothing than lotion.
Plan to fix this: Give less presents.

Finally, I'm getting crappy presents because the value of good presents vs. my actual present budget is pretty horrid.
Plan to fix this: Give Less Presents.

The holidays are tough. I figure I can buy a Cube of Mt. Dew and mail everyone I know a soda. No one is left out and nothing says Leslie like Mt. Dew.

Thank goodness I have the technology.

My .15 Seconds of Internet Fame

2008-11-17T12:50:00.002-05:00

I've been a fan of Cake Wrecks for a few months...and my Monday was instantly awesome when I discovered that a wreck I submitted---this lil wonder here from my local ACME supermarket, was actually featured today.

I agree with some commenters that it's not a total executional wreck, aside from the smudged eyes & bleeding smile---but it's the subject matter that's baffling. Who's looking for an ear of corn cake?

This guy doesn't look particularly harvesty...it might have made sense in say, July, when Jersey is bursting with this type of corn.

Lil Bit, the foster wonder!

2008-11-13T20:52:00.006-05:00

We had a foster dog last weekend! We only had him for 42 hours, but we still had him!

His name was Lil Bit. He is a Dachshund-Beagle mix, and he only weighed 13 pounds!

Isn't he adorable?

I picked him up on Friday night after work. He was so small, the transport lady brought him in a cat carrier.

He marked up our house, and humped everything that moved. Anytime somebody sat on the couch or the floor he would hump that person's back, and if anyone stood still, he would hump a leg. And he would hold on tight with his two front paws. I started spraying him with a water bottle, like you do with cats, and he would get this wounded look on his face, and slink away.

He also liked the cat tree, and jumped in it several times:

Shortie hated him because, well, all the humping.

The cats hated him too, at first. Then Barney got sick of Lil Bit coming into his territory (the bedroom) and chased him out and down the stairs.

When I realized it was really quiet downstairs, I peered over the railing and saw Barney just laying in front of the tv in the living room. He had been hiding behind a chair in the bedroom until then.

I leaned over a little farther and saw Lil Bit sitting on the arm of the couch, totally "treed" by Barney.

This is Barney:

On Sunday we took him to an adoption event, where this little Italian boy fell in love with him after Lil Bit licked his face. After much begging and pleading from the little boy, the family decided to adopt him.

They were the cutest family! The boy was 8 and his little sister was 5. Lil Bit was the 8 year old's birthday present. As I was leaving their house after the "home visit" the little girl hugged me, she was so excited.

And Lil Bit? His name is now Scooby!! Hahaha.

I hope he will be a good dog for them, and will stop all the humping. It might mess the kids all up.

Current Events

2008-11-13T16:24:00.001-05:00